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Having to explain.. again.

Posted by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 11:51 AM
  • 15 Replies
Good morning!

I have been stuck in a circumstance where care for my child during the week days is very hard. Since my job has varying hours lately its been hard to keep to a solid schedule.

The issue is this forces me to explain my personal circumstance again and again. "I have a son. No, I don't have a husband. No, I don't have family always available to help me."

I love what I do but I am tired of being put in positions to always have to explain, and then I hear "I am so sick of hearing about you being a single mom".. Well, I am sick of explaining it and I am sick of the eye rolls and the assumptions and I don't feel the need to pry into others lives and have all the details.

I have been a single mom from day 1 and lately I feel that my job is in jeopardy. I have problems focusing because if my home situation (good care for my son) is in uproar, so am I.

Should I just quit my second job and bank for something else while I still can? Its been hard to explain.. I am at the mercy of others kindness to help with this schedule and am thankful but cannot inconvenience them so much. I make more $ with my second job, but not enough to really get my son into the activities he needs.

Should I give my 2 weeks and just start again? Its been hard and I feel singled out. This is the first time I have ever struggled with care for my son.

Its a rock and a hard place. Does anyone else get the eye roll or treated differently because you have a child alone?

Its not my kid that's so hard, its the pressures from others.
by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 11:51 AM
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Replies (1-10):
steviechick
by Gold Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 2:02 PM
1 mom liked this

Your co-workers don't even respect the fact that you are a single mom.  That's the problem.  They are making you feel guility and are now wanting you to leave.  I wouldn't leave unless you have a better job.  How about cs?  Make sure that if you do decide to quit your job you will have the same problems in your next job.  Is there anyone (family member or friend) that can help you with taking your kids to the doctor or stay with them while you work?  Is that why you are missing work or are late? 

mz23
by Bronze Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 2:11 PM
2 moms liked this

Who cares what ppl think think. Sounds like the problem is with scheduling.and your not.able to work certain times cause you have a child and no help? That's tough. Why don't you keep working while looking for another job. If you absolutely can't work a day they schedule for then so be it. Can you email the scheduling person the days you cannot work? I actually went through this before but the lady who did the scheduling would schedule me for days someone was already working. So I'd drive 20/25 mins to get to work and of course someone else would be working that shift. She was a fool haha.


Anyways, it would be frustrating to many ppl if they don't know their schedule ahead of time or if they keep getting scheduled days or times they can't work. Sounds like the ppl in charge don't care too much, single mom or not. I'd just start looking for another job. Don't stress too much at least you have the other job. good luck

Saurusmom8
by Bronze Member on Jul. 27, 2013 at 12:26 AM
My family helps when they can. I don't get cs. Its court ordered but he never pays. I work as a TMA for home health and my job requires travel but hours fluctuate and if I don't make a steady income, I cannot pay a sitter for what I don't work.

I am looking for something more stable.

My family member only helps at certain times and they will help me with work (a little) but not with school. Strange huh? I want to finish my nursing degree and massage therapy but they won't help for the classes (to watch my son) but will whenever. I spend half the time looking for someone and at the last minute work cancels, I cancel the help, the help gets frustrated and so do I.

I have a hard time asking family to help because I become the "talk" and they treat me like a "poor girl" because I need help rather than include me as a family member. Its been hard ..

I have been actively looking for a more steady job for months now.. nothing comes open. Finding day positions are hard. I have even been applying out of my desired field but its been nothing.

I get tired of it being seen as an excuse. I feel terrible depending on family to help me. I rarely needed it in the past. I am not the closest with them and then suddenly I need help.

Just a steady day position would be like a breath of fresh air. I have a second job so that helps. I just feel "dependent" and its hard. I should be so much more "together".. but this summer just crumbled with reliable care. I can't take more hours, but I need them.




Quoting steviechick:

Your co-workers don't even respect the fact that you are a single mom.  That's the problem.  They are making you feel guility and are now wanting you to leave.  I wouldn't leave unless you have a better job.  How about cs?  Make sure that if you do decide to quit your job you will have the same problems in your next job.  Is there anyone (family member or friend) that can help you with taking your kids to the doctor or stay with them while you work?  Is that why you are missing work or are late? 


Saurusmom8
by Bronze Member on Jul. 27, 2013 at 12:35 AM
I have been hit a lot with "Oh, you don't have a husband.." or "well, you chose that life so deal with it."...

I just get sick of explaining it. The whole company knows now.. its like "really? I don't have to meddle if someone asks me to work for them, why do I get the 3rd degree every time I ask?"... I am honest because there is no reason to lie.. I was told I look incompetent. Well, when my schedule yanks me around, what sitter wants to be yanked around as well.. I can't afford a nanny. I tried to explain that if I got full time hours that are scheduled, I could afford care.. they take it as I am ungrateful. I am not at all. I actually like my job (what I do)..

I will just keep looking!
easinpc
by Gold Member on Jul. 27, 2013 at 7:18 PM
1 mom liked this

group hug

Bribriesmom
by Valentina on Jul. 28, 2013 at 11:12 AM
1 mom liked this
I went through the same thing, don't quit unless you have another job because you won't be able to get unemployment. My supervisor was screwing up so bad & fired me as the scapegoat. I was told, "If they start coming down on me, I'm coming after your job to keep mine." It was the best thing that could have happened. Now I qualify for childcare assistance and they are sending me back to school.
ChromeCowgirl37
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 11:32 AM
If you feel your job is in jeopardy, let them fire you. Then you can collect unemployment for a little while from them. Also, when you do find another employer, you can tell them the previous employer was insensitive to your familial needs. I can totally relate, having worked in retail. There isn't always a set schedule and you have to work with what you have. How far in advance do they make your schedule? Does the school you're attending offer any child care? A lot of times there is a campus facility where the ECE students gain some experience. Also, is there a fellow student who can recommend child care at all?

Cheyenne Fall Risk Anderson

Admin Roller Derby Mamas

www.cafemom.com/group/ACTIVEDerbyMamas

charmgirl
by Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 11:40 AM
1 mom liked this
I love your post. I hope you realize that you are not alone. My whole company gives me an attitude. The thing is...at my job, they usually talk about it behind my back. I've been written up multiple times for it. One tim, my son was in the hospital getting xrays trying to figue out what was wrong and the h.r. person told me I needed to find someone to watch my kid. I couldn't belive another mom was telling me this. Anyway..I get the frustration from other people...however...they will come into an issue one day where they will need flexibility and I hope they get the opportunity to feel as belittled as we have. I don't think you should quit. I think you should push through and keep doing what you're doing. You are a hard working mom and quitting wouldbe giving them the upper hand. Who gives a shit if they have an attitude. Maybe one day they'll have kids and they'll understand or maybe they won't have kids and they'll be lonely. Either way you're doing the best you can and that's all you can do.
lauraash06
by Ashley on Jul. 28, 2013 at 11:48 AM
I am in the exact same situation with my job. It is beyond frustrating.
randi1978
by Murdoc's Mistress on Jul. 28, 2013 at 11:52 AM
1 mom liked this

Sadly, it's almost always been like that and the economy has just made it worse.  Most employers are apprehensive about single parents because they want someone who will live, eat and breath work.  The issues you have with their scheduling and your childcare are not their problem and they feel you should have figured something out before taking the job.  Even if it's something out of your control, like a long term sitter who finally decided to back out is not their issue. 

I know the attitude from them sucks, but don't quit.  Look for something more stable before doing that.  And as much as it sucks, you do have to keep in mind that they are not obligated to bend or accommodate you based on your childcare needs and you shouldn't expect them to.  Asshole companies are always going to be like that and you need to have that mentality in order to get through it without snapping and doing something stupid, like quitting.

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