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Sigh!! So my daughter hates my boyfriend!

Posted by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 12:35 AM
  • 27 Replies
Hey ladies,
I am so confused as to what to do about this whole situation... I have been separated from my husband for about 3 years... We have a daughter together (which he hardly has anything to do with... But that's another story) well, he has a girlfriend and has moved on with his life and I've done the same. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year now and things are great. He's great with Lilly, she's even told him she loves him. He plans on sticking around and it's not like I threw her in this relationship. We were together months before she came around. For the past few months we have been having "sleep overs" @ his place he sleeps on the couch and Lilly and I have his room since it's a small place. We plan on moving in to a place of our own very soon and Lillys always been on board. Until today.
She went to her dads this weekend and came back just totally against Josh. Saying she don't want to love with him, he's mean, (mean being she can't manipulate him and get her way all the time) she's making up lies saying he gets in her face... Which I know isn't true. He disciplines her by being stern, and taking away privileges such as video game time here and there but 90% of the time they are laughing and being silly and she's never had a problem. I thought everything was ok... But how do I get her to come to terms with the fact that he's here to stay? Please help me, I'm new at this whole mom thing and it seems another day, another challenge. I am typically good at winging it, but I'm at a loss here. What do I do?
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 12:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Spken42bad86
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 12:38 AM
Lol... Live* with him I meant. She says she don't want to live with him. Not love with him. Sorry... On a smart phone that's obviously not to smart... But yeah, on the real. What do I do??
lightoftheworld
by Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 1:25 AM
How old is she? Depending on her age and maturity level, I would sit down with her and have a frank discussion- be firm and say that he is an important part of BOTH of your lives, and that even though she may not be thrilled with him 100% of the time, she needs to realize that part of being in a family is following rules, discipline, etc. (not just the fun times). Also, reinforce that he is an ADDITION to her life, not trying to take the place of her dad. Then focus on some fun family activities that encourage bonding between them. Good luck! Sounds like she got a sour taste from that visit to her dads house (imagine that! LOL), I think it will smooth over with time
cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 2:41 AM
How old is she? Do you think her dad said something? You need to ask her why she's saying these things. Explain that you two love each other and the three of you will be living together.
lucasmadre
by Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 6:39 AM
1 mom liked this

Obviously her dad said something negative to her and she is in that terrible spot between two places. I would ask her if dad said anything about your boyfriend and why she changed her mind so fast. If she hadn't liked him all along that would be something I would take seriously but since this is a new thing it is probably just something her dad said to her. He may be jealous if she was talking about this guy a lot. Firm but gentle, it sounds like it will pass. XO

raschwittay
by Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 9:02 AM
6 moms liked this

Step back a bit. 

Respect her feelings until she realizes that your bf is a good guy. Dont force her to stay at his place anymore. Bring him around less. Let them get to know each other again.

Its unhealthy to bring young kids into relationships. They get confused. Just take it slow. Listen to her. Hes not trying to replace her dad. Just be a friend.

And dont always think she is lying. You dont know what goes on when your bf and daughter are alone. Im not saying anything does. Just keep a watchful eye. 

mlb456
by Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 9:16 AM
Just remind her of all the fun they have together if she tell you a lie say now you know thats not true and give an example.. me and ds dad have been split since he was 1 me and df have been together since ds has been 3 (hes almost 6) and just like your situation he loved df always wanted to play with him chris this chris that well once ds dad started to relize this ds started acting out i dont like chris he cant love me hes mean to me blah blah blah i just sat ds down and had a talk with him he wass ok after that but he will still come back from his dads actin out again and i have to remind him all over.. G.L
Cenedra64
by Bronze Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 9:31 AM
Ive been going thru this with my oldest teenage daughter thru her dad...my ex bf and now my fiance. She doesnt like authority. Oh she loves it when she gets what she wants. Normally id say believe your kids always over a man but i know my daughter just wants her way. She does same things to me apart from men.
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LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jul. 29, 2013 at 11:08 AM
It's not her dad and even though you have been apart every kid has a hope their parents will get back together this step would be a big thing that you wouldn't be. Sit down and talk with her let her know you won't love her any less. Dad may have said something too
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MissTuree
by Bronze Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 11:48 AM
1 mom liked this

I have to agree 100% with this. Your daughter needs to know that she's your number one concern. Of course you deserve to be happy, but never at your child's expense. (Not at all saying that's what you're currently doing.) Talk to her, give her a little time and let her realize that he IS a good guy and that you 3 will have a happy life together. 

The biggest thing is to not assume she's lying, just like raschwittay said. I've been on the tail end of that as a child and having the person you're supposed to trust the most treat you like you're crying wolf when you're scared and hurting inside can lead to a life of many troubles. 


Quoting raschwittay:

Step back a bit. 

Respect her feelings until she realizes that your bf is a good guy. Dont force her to stay at his place anymore. Bring him around less. Let them get to know each other again.

Its unhealthy to bring young kids into relationships. They get confused. Just take it slow. Listen to her. Hes not trying to replace her dad. Just be a friend.

And dont always think she is lying. You dont know what goes on when your bf and daughter are alone. Im not saying anything does. Just keep a watchful eye. 



Spken42bad86
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 12:05 PM
Thank you, all of you. Lilly is turning 7 in September. And like what was said earlier, it would be different if she never liked Josh to begin with... but this is totally new. I took time to introduce her into the relationship slowly. Made sure they were both ready and so far it's all been fine. It just blindsighted me her coming back and all of a sudden Josh is the bad guy.
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