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so quick to meet the kid(s)

Posted by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 7:53 AM
  • 20 Replies
Why? Why are men so quick to meet the kids? I've had numerous men that have no problem meeting my child, even so much as trying to talk me into it. Saying things such as, "you can't have friends?". This question stems from a man that I've known for about 9 months. He claims that he just wants to see me but with my busy schedule and his busy schedule...we've only seen eachother about 3 times. And we've only ever kissed. He's not the first one to have no problem coming around my child. So I'm just tryin to figure out why!
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 7:53 AM
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Replies (1-10):
britmichele
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 7:59 AM
How old is your child? I think there are a lot of reasons to meet kids kind of early, although I know not everyone agrees.

He may want to see you in action as a mom, to know if you 2 will mesh as parents

He may wonder if your child will take to him. Is your kiddo well behaved? Mild mannered? Accepting?

He is being realistic, you're a mom, he wants to see you. I say if you like him, why not. U can introduce him as a friend.
kidlover2
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 8:00 AM
1 mom liked this
I would want to meet someone's kids if I was going to have a relationship with everyone at some point. If the children are difficult to get along with or grate on my nerves, I would be hesitant to continue on with the adult friendship. I introduced my children to my new boyfriend at the playground as my friend. They didn't think anything of it. I wanted to see the dynamics between my boyfriend and my children. If either one of them didn't vibe well, it wasn't worth pursuing the relationship.
charmgirl
by Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 8:44 AM

He is 5. I think it's just ingrained in my head that you are supposed to wait a while before introducing someone to your child. Is that old-school? My son doesnt have a father. My dad is actually the closest thing he's had to a decent father figure and we live with him. You do have a valid point that I hadnt quite thought about. I'm always on the defense and have my guard up, especially when it comes to my child. I just thought it was so strange that a guy would actually want to be around my kid. I don't want to introduce them and then have "peter" just never come around anymore. I have a ‘friend' that was introduced to my son immediately and he was not the best influence. I was not making the best choices, I'll admit, but eventually my son bonded to him more than I bonded with the guy. So now, my son asks about him and I don't know what to say when he asks why we can't go over there and play anymore.


Quoting britmichele:

How old is your child? I think there are a lot of reasons to meet kids kind of early, although I know not everyone agrees.

He may want to see you in action as a mom, to know if you 2 will mesh as parents

He may wonder if your child will take to him. Is your kiddo well behaved? Mild mannered? Accepting?

He is being realistic, you're a mom, he wants to see you. I say if you like him, why not. U can introduce him as a friend.

 

raschwittay
by Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 8:58 AM
1 mom liked this

If a guy presses to see the kids, I assume its to break the "friend" barrier. He wants to be involved with every aspect of your life. 

Thats how I would see it.

Or, he can be a pig and knows a woman will put down her defenses if she sees how good he is with the kids. Just to get into bed faster. huh. you never know. I'd wait

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jul. 29, 2013 at 11:11 AM
Ultimately it's your decision he may also want to spend more time with you and knows he will if the kid is around.
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mmpdrs07
by Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 11:46 AM

When I met Dave (the guy I have been seeing) the first time I met him at a park with a play ground to give Calvin a chance to play and me a chance to talk to Dave to see if there was anything there.  Needless to say its been just over a month Dave and Calvin both hit it off really well and Dave is still around and things are getting serious between the two of us.  But I wanted to know if they clicked or what being that im a single mom and while yes I have family around I don't like to just leave him with someone while I go out.  My little guy likes to be at home, while yes my mother only lives next door he's just a little home body.  So I was kinda glad that things between us clicked and are going well and so far I haven't had to explain to a 3 yaer old while someone else is just gone being his father hasn't seen him in a few months now.  But I know also everyone is different when it comes to meeting someone new. 

kristiansmommy1
by Bronze Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 11:55 AM
I notice the same thing and a lot of guys just don't understand wanting to wait. I finally decided recently to bring the guy ive been dating around while my sons here...which is most of the time lol. His thing was we couldn't spend much time together and he was right. It's hard to find the balance, that's why I've stayed single so long. I don't kiss or anything in front of him and he just knows him as my friend, the way I look at it now is both my best friends love kind of far so I don't see them often anymore but I don't only see them when he's not around. The guy I've been seeing has no kids and my sister and niece were over and he just couldn't believe that she ate real food and that we let her crawl on the grass lol he said he'd never let his kids do that because an ant might bite them lmfao. But that helped me figure out that we would deff clash parenting style
Stephd710
by Silver Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 11:59 AM

Most of the guys ive dated havent made it to the point of meeting my girls.  I let two of them meet them but the girls were just babies so it didnt affect them.  Now they are almost 3 so I want to be more careful.  The last few Ive dated havent met them and I am glad because it didnt work out with those guys.  I think some of the guys think it will be easier if they meet the kids so you can have more time to hang out if you can bring the kids with you.  For me...i like to establish that I like the guy and that its going to be a long term thing before I bring kids in the mix, his or mine.  

hnye77
by Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 12:26 PM

I say wait if you have doubt.... I would never want to feel bad about splitting with someone because my kids adore him. I also don't want my kids to see me dating lots of people. There is nothing wrong with waiting if you think it's the right thing to do.  If he keeps pushing and can't see your reasoning then you need to consider what other (less important) things he will force upon you.  This is 100% your decision, do what feels right.

britmichele
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 12:28 PM
I had that happen with one guy, like u did with Peter. I just told my son that he wasn't mommy's friend any more and then remind him of all the friends we do have. My son also doesn't have a father, but the guy im dating now is very attached to him :)


Quoting charmgirl:

He is 5. I think it's just ingrained in my head that you are supposed to wait a while before introducing someone to your child. Is that old-school? My son doesnt have a father. My dad is actually the closest thing he's had to a decent father figure and we live with him. You do have a valid point that I hadnt quite thought about. I'm always on the defense and have my guard up, especially when it comes to my child. I just thought it was so strange that a guy would actually want to be around my kid. I don't want to introduce them and then have "peter" just never come around anymore. I have a ‘friend' that was introduced to my son immediately and he was not the best influence. I was not making the best choices, I'll admit, but eventually my son bonded to him more than I bonded with the guy. So now, my son asks about him and I don't know what to say when he asks why we can't go over there and play anymore.



Quoting britmichele:

How old is your child? I think there are a lot of reasons to meet kids kind of early, although I know not everyone agrees.

He may want to see you in action as a mom, to know if you 2 will mesh as parents

He may wonder if your child will take to him. Is your kiddo well behaved? Mild mannered? Accepting?

He is being realistic, you're a mom, he wants to see you. I say if you like him, why not. U can introduce him as a friend.

 


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