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After 4 years he finally wants to start his visitation

Posted by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 10:35 AM
  • 13 Replies
So almost 4 years ago I took my ex to court for custody. He agreed that I could have full custody. He was granted supervised visitation at a visitation center. He never set it up. My daughter will be 5 in October and he hasn't seen her since her 1st birthday. He hasn't even called to ask to see her. He is about $17,000 behind in CS. Won't keep a job. Well out of nowhere I got a letter from the court saying that during his last visit to talk to someone about his CS he wanted to start visitation. We have an appt. aug 7th to sit with a mediator to discuss his visitation. I am nervous. The only time I see/hear from him is when we have to go to court about his CS, which the last time was this past September. She does not know who she is, she has no memory of him. I don't even talk about him around her. If he does start his visitation what should I tell her? After talking to my best friend who knows him, she thinks this is just another thing for him to try and save face with his friends because they all think he is the father of the year. He moves around a lot too. Help!!!
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 10:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mommyinthe303
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 10:36 AM

Ehhh my dds dad has tried to do that too and he does see her but it is not on a regular.

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jul. 29, 2013 at 10:59 AM
With his track record it won't last ask for phone to start he's a stranger she shouldn't have to call him dad either
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amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 2:47 PM

I agree with Nora, I'd ask to start with visits over the phone only so that they can get to know eachother a little before a face to face meeting.  It doesn't sound like he'll really follow through though.

ChromeCowgirl37
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 3:16 PM

Don't be nervous, there is nothing on his side.

shymom835
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 3:40 PM
1 mom liked this

Hello,

your situation pretty much same as mine with the father of my daughter except he was there helping after i gave birth until after she was 3months old. Now my daughter is 13months old. The moment she turn 1 i allowed him to see her. I have a court custody battle coming up soon. Most likely i will have full custody of her because he's unstable plus behind child support. Trying my best to forgive him but still have him on child support until he get himself together. He loves his daughter but my point to you is talk to your daughter about her father in a good way although he is not the father of the year!

children don't know what is going between mommy & daddy because we as mothers are their VOICE for them.

Now i will agree upon supervised visits because he abandon her for so long. Plus men like him makes me sick to my stomach to think he can do what he wants when he wants. You make the rules honey not him.

i wish you the best of luck girl.

Robsessed98
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 6:49 PM
Your friend could be right, but she can't know what's in his head or heart. It's equally possible that for whatever reason he has realized he has a child he doesn't know and wants to have a relationship with her. It's really not that unusual for a father to grow up and want to be a dad as well. You may be mad about his absence or not like him, but that's irrelevant. She's his child too and, as long as he's fit, he deserves a second chance. Most importantly, DD deserves a chance to have her dad around. Of course he shouldn't just be turned loose with her and has to first prove himself and ease into it, but if he's being for real, he will do what he has to do. Before she meets him, tell her she has a daddy who loves and wants to play with her. That's all she needs to know at her age. Younger kids accept things and adapt pretty easily, it's the adults who have the most trouble with it.
lizzy_ellie
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 7:39 PM

Sounds like an asshole. Good luck to you, it's hard dealing with deadbeat fathers that think they deserve everything.

mommy2be101008
by Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 1:17 AM
Oh yeah and I should add that he never helped out with raising her ever. The only reason he got to see her before was because I was always driving 45 min every other week for him to see her when she was a baby. I am going to bring everything up at the meeting. I have a copy of the custody agreement. This will be interesting. I know he is probably hoping that the mediator will grant him unsupervised visits.(that's what I think anyway, After seeing some of the things he has posted online about it). He is working... Under the table of course so he doesn't have to pay his CS.
easinpc
by Gold Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 2:15 PM

I agree with this. 


Quoting amonkeymom:

I agree with Nora, I'd ask to start with visits over the phone only so that they can get to know eachother a little before a face to face meeting.  It doesn't sound like he'll really follow through though.


 

cjsmom1
by Platinum Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 10:44 PM

Fight to keep the visits supervised. He probably doesn't want to deal with the inconvenience of setting up visitaation and having to stay at the center the whole time. Since your dd doesn;t know him I doubt they'll just let him take her.

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