So I have been sitting here thinking for the past day about how my son will grow up in 2 houses. Mine w/my 2 kids and his fathers with his girlfriend and their baby. My youngest is the one I am referencing in this post. I have been the primary caretaker and responsible person that has provided for my son. His father at best can't keep his life in order without the village helping from what I found out yesterday, he states that alot of people are keeping him on track. Maybe nosey is what I am but where were these people when he had his 1st child and we had a relationship?? I was in the era of his friends and family where they said not to count on him and called him a failure at life. I was his support, but then I was also the responsible one with a double full time jobs, caring for 2 children and supporting him and trying to make him feel like he was worth something and I had low to no tollerance for excuses and eventually had to let the relationship go. My kids deserved a better mother and life without me having to reassure and support a grown man that had no initative to give 100% on making a better life for our family. Now he has moved on with his girlfriend and they have had a baby in the 1 1/2 years since our split, I am just coming around to being a normal, functional, social human being outside of being a mother. I am not listing this as a complaint as I have truely became a better person and I am happy that he has found someone that can support him the way he needed to be supported, I just wish that I had realized I could not do it all sooner and spared my soul/heart the damage it went through by trying to keep the relationship together. we are currently going through some legal issues and hope that we can come to an agreement and still remain civil for the sake of raising our son together.
Moving on though, I was looking last night online and seen pictures that the girlfriend has took of our son with his new sibling they had together. I was surprised although not shocked as I knew this would happen, why wouldn't they want pictures of him and his half sibling together, they are a family also. My son has a picture of us (myself, his father and half brother(my son) and himself together) in his room. I know we are 2 seperate families now, but is it so bad that we have to be seperate families, I hope to be the type of mother and person that if my son wanted to have pictures of his half sibling from his dad in his room at our home that surely I would be ok with it. Am I not to want to see my child with his new half sibling that makes him smile? I may not want to be all chummy with them as a family and schdeule family dinners with them at this point (see above, just staring to come around to not be resentful) but I think of myself as a realistic person and I want to see my son happy and not be blind to him having a life and relationship with his father and new sibling. Granted I may not have come all the way around at this point for embracing his fathers and girlfriends relationship it is not out of not liking her. She actually is a pretty nice and caring person as far as I can tell by meeting her 1 time. I am more still trying to grip that a relationship that took 5 years in the making was threw away in a matter of a couple months and she was pregnant within 6 months. Thats a hard thing to deal with even when you do the leaving.
Any single mom's have a working relationship with your ex's that you have children with? How long did it take? Are you and the current girlfriend/wife friends? Do you have family activities with or without the girlfriend/wife (children, you and father with or without your current spouses)? How did these realtionships come about? I just want the best for my child and don't want to force a relationship with the other family, but believe that I can and should be open to one for the sake of my child's happiness and future.