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Need Advice from outside source

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:12 AM
  • 7 Replies

I am a mother of 3 kids, 5 years, 4 years and 8 months. Well my two older kids dont see their dad at all due to mutiple issues(not going into details). My 8 month old son just seen his dad on sunday for the first time since he was almost 4 months old. Before i explain let me tell you my son is a very very happy baby and always smiling, never cried. Ever since leaving me, his siblings and my fiance of 9 months, he has been super cranky, not eating like before and whenever myself or my fiance walks out of the room he starts to scream!

My other children know his father. we lived together for a year and they became close to him in that time period. He left me when i was 6 months preganant for another. This broke my kids hearts and it took months for them to adjust to life with out him around.

They are normally good kids. This past week has been literal hell. They arent listening to anything i say, they are acting out about things that normally they are really good about.

Im really worried that his coming around is upsetting them but i have no say in this. My 8 month old doesnt know his father due to his fathers choice. I have tried and tried to get him to come around and to see him but he was always to busy. I meet today with my sons guardian ad litem to discuss the matter. I just wanted to know if anyone has went through this before. I am calling my oldests counselor this afternoon as well to see what she thinks i should do.

by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:12 AM
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Replies (1-7):
easinpc
by Gold Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:15 AM

group hug

cjsmom1
by Group Admin on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:15 AM
Bump
krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:28 AM

So sorry that you are going through this. Its pretty normal for an 8 month old to suddenly have separation anxiety. How long was he with his dad?

As for your older two, they are probably seeing the difference in the baby and the difference in you and reacting to it. Add to that suddenly their little brother has a dad who wants to see them but they don't. It's pretty unsettling. While calling the child's counselor is a good idea, what you can do in the mean time is important. Go back to the way things were, stop stressing over the baby crying. Babies cry, they get separation anxiety. Explain this to the older two and tell them that its okay, baby will get over it soon. Read up on dealing with babies and sep anxiety. What I did was do it gradually. Put baby playing with toys, you do something within line of sight. Then walk out of sight for a few secs then come right back to where you were. Do that a few times; once baby is comfy, then go away for a bit longer and come right back. Keep building up the time til baby realizes that you go and come back and all is well.

Oh one more thing. When you first start this, when you are within sight and not within sight, sing a song, hum or whistle a tune the entire time you are within and out of sight.

sassygirl89
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:49 AM

From the time he was born his dad came around once a month. After he got a new girlfriend he quit having time for his son. Ive left my baby with a babysitter before and he never acted like this. Hes not eating right and its worrying me. He was eating 3 jars of babyfood at lunch and dinner now we are lucky to get one in him without him throwing up. :( My oldest has a counselor for his behaviors already but i want to let her know that its stopped improving. They know their dad. He was there for them until 2 years ago. He is in jail until the end of next year. They have contact with him but they dont see him. I leave the room to make the older ones lunch or get them drinks and the baby follows me yelling and comes and hangs on the baby gate. He has another visit with his dad tonight for 2 hours so well see if anything changes.

MissTuree
by Bronze Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:50 AM

They probably have some seperation issues themselves. They went from living with this man and being close to him then he left and then two months later you're engaged to another man. Now, almost a year later that original man is back....but only sees the baby, not them and afterwards the baby and you start acting differently. That's a lot for such little ones to process. 

Robsessed98
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 8:16 PM
Totally agree with this about the older kids. Maybe they shouldn't be home when he comes until more time passes and the counselor can help with ways for them to handle the situation. As for the baby, other than feeling and reacting to how stressed and upset everyone is, I think the change is coincidence, not bc of spending a day with someone new. At 8 mos, different behavior, crying and appetite change is normal. Ex: My 9 mo old g'son was the happiest, most laid back baby I've ever seen. He rarely cried, just whimpered when he needed something. There has been zero changes in his little world, but a little over a month ago he suddenly cut back on eating, sleep pattern changed and he fusses and cries a lot. Why? Teething, growth spurt and frustration from wanting to nose into everything and being told No, not getting to where he wants to go fast enough, falling when he lets go of the furniture he holds on to to walk around, etc. IMO 8-11 mos is one of the most frustrating ages of all bc they can't always keep up with themselves and all the things they are learning.

Quoting MissTuree:

They probably have some seperation issues themselves. They went from living with this man and being close to him then he left and then two months later you're engaged to another man. Now, almost a year later that original man is back....but only sees the baby, not them and afterwards the baby and you start acting differently. That's a lot for such little ones to process. 

oscarsmom70
by New Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 1:31 PM

Sending you hugs and prayers!!!

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