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Pros and Cons List?

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 6:52 PM
  • 13 Replies

I am thinking of writing a pros and cons list to weigh out my thoughts about this man I am dating and whether to keep going or put it to a stop.


Has anyone ever made a list of Pros and Cons - and did it make any difference in your decision making?


by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 6:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 8:46 PM
5 moms liked this

I did a cons list for my ex. Every time I would get down on myself and hate that I'm divorced I would read the list, it would put a smile on my face and make me happy that I'm no longer married to an arse.

cjsmom1
by Platinum Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:27 PM
1 mom liked this

I have. It helps to see everything in writing and to think about each thing in an organized matter.

Robsessed98
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:38 PM
1 mom liked this
I've always done it for potential bfs and also to help deal with break ups. It helps me a lot.
Barblicious
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 5:04 PM

Thanks ladies. 

I have been dating someone these last months, and even though we were really good friends between 1990-2000 (nothing but friends) we lost touch, and he reconnected with me in January this year. Finally in June we crossed the friendship line and began dating, but in the last months I have discovered so much about him, and everything keeps falling in the cons side of things. It is very sad, because he seemed so much more than that until now... reality sucks but it is where I live. I have to be objective about what I want and do not want. 

NovaChick26
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 5:21 PM
3 moms liked this

for me when it comes to dating I dont make a list but just go with my guy instinct, one thing I learned from my marriage was to never settle in a relationship so if I have doubts or dont feel that spark then I know its not for me

tempsingl3mom
by Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 9:01 PM
1 mom liked this

I do pro's and con's lists but I also look at what the con's are individually. Just because there are more pro's than con's doesn't mean I should be with him. And how bad are the con's? Leaving cupboard doors open, putting the toilet paper on the wrong way, and never remembering what color my eyes are really isn't grounds for ditching him. On the other hand, if the pro side is full and there is only 1 thing on the con side: being that he beats me once a week, then that pretty much wipes out the pro's and I am leaving him.

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Aug. 1, 2013 at 9:37 PM
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Yes I have
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Barblicious
by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 2:54 PM

Quoting tempsingl3mom:

I do pro's and con's lists but I also look at what the con's are individually. Just because there are more pro's than con's doesn't mean I should be with him. And how bad are the con's? Leaving cupboard doors open, putting the toilet paper on the wrong way, and never remembering what color my eyes are really isn't grounds for ditching him. On the other hand, if the pro side is full and there is only 1 thing on the con side: being that he beats me once a week, then that pretty much wipes out the pro's and I am leaving him.

Yes, the "weight" of the con certainly means a lot - it isn't a numbers thing for sure but it is when there are too many cons and not many pros. There is no abuse in my situation thankfully - that would be a no brainer.

However, as I have got to know him as he is now (not the guy I knew 13 years ago) so many things keep falling into the con side. 

He smokes. I hate the smell on him. His car stinks. I can taste it even when we kiss. He is "trying" to quit - for me... but it isn't going to happen I can see it.

He has a major back problem due to his job. He was off work for most of last year, so he will need to change his line of work. That is a big one. He can't do a lot of fun / kid things because of this.

Then there is his bachelorhood. He has never been married at 39. He was a major player before and after.

He has lived in his house for 5 years (with some ongoing renovations) but it looks like he just moved in.

Speaking of which, his stove isn't hooked up. His dad and step mom live in the house next door, and they seem to provide his meals... as do some other people. So basically other people are taking care of him.

He said he wanted to finish renovations on the house and figured it would take at least 3 years to complete his plans. Well I have a house of my own, and I live where I want to live and I am NOT moving.

So if we continued to see one another it wouldn't be serious as we would always remain in our own houses. Which is fine but... We live 30 minute drive apart.

I don't feel right about him sleeping over at my house. It isn't right with my daughter there... 

The list goes on... 

moosesmom
by Silver Member on Aug. 2, 2013 at 3:05 PM
I've done one. I really thought they were a waste of time but the results were very interesting.
imissmydad51
by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 3:09 PM
1 mom liked this

If you are wondering whether or not to make that list I say you already know what you have to do.

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