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Oregon, modifying parenting time help!!

Posted by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 12:09 AM
  • 21 Replies

I really need to modify parenting time for my daughter with her father. There have been numerous issues- mental instability for him, financial instability, being very late to drop off and pick up my daughter, no showing for picking her up TONS... and mainly he's seen her a total of 3 hours the last 10 months!!!

I have to do it pro se and I feel so overwhelmed every time I even start organizing things I dont know where to start.... I am hoping someone has gone through this and can help me!!!

by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 12:09 AM
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Replies (1-10):
cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Aug. 2, 2013 at 12:14 AM

Write down each date and time of him not showing up or showing up late. That way you can have an accurate record to show the judge. File the necessary paperwork with the court for modification and provide proof of why the order should be changed.

What is the mental instability. Financial issues have nothing to do with custody orders unless he's homeless and has no where to bring your child.

mommaJewels2011
by Bronze Member on Aug. 2, 2013 at 12:29 AM
I am very new to all this, paternity has just been set. But I was given a number for multnomah county mediators. I'm calling tomorrow. I'm sure they'd have the number for your county and I'm told this is where to start. The number is 503-988-3189, I hope this helps!
grneyedormom
by Kendra on Aug. 2, 2013 at 1:18 AM
What county are you in? In Lane County you can seek information through the Family Court Assistance Office at the circuit courthouse. They will sell you the proper paperwork for $1-$2 and set you up with an appointment to make sure you have it filled out correctly but cannot provide you legal advice. They will send you to an attorney or Legal Aid.

Do you not qualify for Legal Aid? Have you checked into or heard of the Modest Means program through the Oregon Bar Association?
mageng0110
by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 1:22 AM

I just have SOOO much information on him and no idea how to organize it whether it should be a timeline of everything or point by point like all late days and stuff in one paragraph then go into mental, so on.... its been 2 years since court last and I have documented EVERYTHING. texts. calls. visits. emails. I have about two inches of paperwork!! he has had numerous arrest for alcohol related things like theft and fights. has had a fight during parenting time with my child. has drank when hes had my child even though against order. has had suicidal behavior on record but in another state.. has been involved in two different cases where he has been attacked because of relationship issues.. lived with a meth addict that attacked him was one.. he has been homeless off and on for years, very unstable so thats what I meant by financial not child support.... relationships have impacted my daughter because he involves women for short periods. 

I have seen lawyers for consults and saught as much help as I can but it is just soo much information I dont know how to organize it.... I think I am way over thinking it and need to just give it a shot but like I said it is just so much information that Im not sure what all to use and how to present it. Have gotten some tips from lawyers, told me to focus on the emtional stress of him not being there....

 

mageng0110
by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 1:23 AM

I even have my daughters therapist telling me that I should not encourage her to call her father, that I should not contact him at all and make it as hard as possible for him to see her because of the strain on her. I know I should have enough but its just a lot to try to do pro se :/

mommaJewels2011
by Bronze Member on Aug. 2, 2013 at 1:26 AM
1 mom liked this
Good luck! I think a judge will take into consideration that you're trying even of it's not done perfectly.
mageng0110
by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 1:27 AM

really wish I could find someone that has gone through it, maybe with a lawyer so I know how it all should go... how a lawyer would organize things... I am in lane but the issue is I need the legal advice not the easy help like filling out forms... to my knowledge no place will give you legal advice for free with exception of consult from lawyer.... which helped 30 minutes is just not enough to answer all my questions :/ wish there were classes or anything to help with pro se!!

mageng0110
by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 1:30 AM

Yeah like I said think Im overthinking it all, I am a bit of a perfectionist... and I am a bit worried as well because last time I was too nice and didnt even use hardly anything against him.. there are things the lawyer told me to do like use his relationships as emotional stress on her too that I just feel he will take as a personal attack and it stresses me out. Ive done all I can to involve him and be nice to him but he basically still blames me for him not being in her life and I unfortunately end up blaming myself even though its not my fault but he makes me feel guilty for everything even if I didnt do it!!! (exs!) I dont want to leave anything out that I should say... but I dont want to bring up all kinds of shit that isnt needed either!

grneyedormom
by Kendra on Aug. 2, 2013 at 1:31 AM
I am in Lane County too, have you gone to Legal Aid? Are you a student at LCC? How about looking into the Modest Means program and hiring an attorney that could possibly be more affordable than one does not participate in the program. Just google it. Your questions need more than just a consult! :)

Quoting mageng0110:

really wish I could find someone that has gone through it, maybe with a lawyer so I know how it all should go... how a lawyer would organize things... I am in lane but the issue is I need the legal advice not the easy help like filling out forms... to my knowledge no place will give you legal advice for free with exception of consult from lawyer.... which helped 30 minutes is just not enough to answer all my questions :/ wish there were classes or anything to help with pro se!!

mageng0110
by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 1:33 AM

Just wish it were easier. He lives like 2 miles away and has seen her 3 hours the last 10 months despite literally NO issues between us and me trying everything I can think of to get him to see her. To me that alone should be enough to cut him off not completely but damn near. My fiance has raised her since a year and a half and she is now five and her father has not been around hardly at all. He only hurts her and causes her problems. 

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