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depressed need help

Posted by on Aug. 4, 2013 at 4:45 AM
  • 14 Replies
Im 21 goin on 22 my first love broke my heart i have a 5month year old who has yet to see here father...he want nothing to do with... all of this is jus taking a toll on me i feel like i have no one to take ima full time student and a part time work i take of her my self i know its goin to be a while before she start asking question but what do i say when she asked about her dad?
by on Aug. 4, 2013 at 4:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Cenedra64
by on Aug. 4, 2013 at 5:51 AM
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One day at a time. I can read tears between the words. Stay strong. Youre stronger than you think. Youve got awhile before worrying about telling her about her dad. the most important thing is making her feel loved and enjoying her. Her dad opted to lose out on a wonderful human being.
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Robsessed98
by on Aug. 4, 2013 at 9:45 AM
Don't even think about what you're going to say now. That's a long time off and anything can happen between now and then. For now, face each issue one at a time as they arise. Other than establishing legal custody and child support, don't have any contact with him. He doesn't have to take visitation, that's all on him, but he owes support regardless. Focus on staying strong and giving your baby what she needs and put him out of your mind. You and baby don't need him to have a good family and life.
happymommy1105
by Gold Member on Aug. 4, 2013 at 9:47 AM
Cross that bridge when you get there. Don't stress about stuff that hasn't happened yet. It may never be an issue.

kellysp6637
by on Aug. 4, 2013 at 11:54 PM
2 moms liked this

I know how hard this is....and I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.  When my son asked this question to me years and years ago....although I wanted to tell him the truth.....I didn't want him to EVER feel like he wasn't loved.  I told him that his father loved him very much....and that he just wasn't ready to be a daddy.  I told him that I loved him enough for both a mommy and a daddy and that I always would.  My son never really analyzed the response....I think he just wanted some response....years later he and his father have a relationship....he's 18 now...so it's not a really close and personal one, but more of a distant buddy relationship.  His closer relationships are with me and his stepfather (my dh of 11 years). 

It is what it is and you can't make your dd's father be one, but you don't have to let her know all the details and risk her feeling the hurt that you hold in your heart.  As mothers, we sacrifice so much, so holding onto this hurt to spare her will be second nature for you as it was me.

Like a previous poster said, you are stronger than you think.

easinpc
by Gold Member on Aug. 5, 2013 at 9:02 AM
2 moms liked this

group hug

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Aug. 6, 2013 at 9:33 AM
Hugs mama. Take each day and during that day try and write one positive thing down counseling can help too
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fivegirls333
by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 9:49 AM
1 mom liked this

the best thing you can do for you and your daughter is to take care of yourself.  venting here is a good idea.  join a church?  a woman's support group?  many of us know exactly where you are and how overwhelming and scary it can be.  don't worry about finding her a daddy.  use the men in your family for some male interactions for her.  it is better to be in a single, healthy, happy home...then to be in a troubled, angry, unhappy, two person house.  accept that it is you and she against the world...and make it happen.  you can do it and you will do it.  it is normal to have off days.  just know that they will pass.  i hope you have some family support.  prayers and blessings.  make a gratitude list!...start with...1. a healthy baby

youngndconfused
by on Aug. 8, 2013 at 11:57 PM
Thanks you guys sooo much i needed to hear all of that i really dont have anyone to talk about it so you guys helped out alot
JackandJayne
by on Aug. 9, 2013 at 12:33 AM
1 mom liked this

Gosh I can not count the tear filled and anxiety ridden nights I tossed and turned when my ex husband left us and our daughter was 20 months and our son was 9 months. I was constantly thinking of what ifs... And then the "what's he doing right now" and then looking around thinking its just so unfair he gets to just pack up and go and I have to deal with the emotional ramifications... I felt I had to break my children's hearts.

Honestly, you'll know when it gets close to that time. It'll be long after she's walking and talking. You have quite a few years to go. Not only that, but if he chooses to stay gone, and you don't bring him up... She's not going to even feel she's missing out on anything. She's a baby and she needs your love and care that's all. And to be honest, the day my daughter started putting things together and asking (at 5), when I was finally faced with the 'where is he' question. I had to respond and all I could think of was that he felt life was better somewhere else so... His loss ( wanted to say he's a filthy pig and a sorry excuse for a man). I followed it with the fact that grown MEN normally don't leave their family (I have a son I have to guide). She scrunched her face into a stink face and said "what an idiot" and we said goodnight and that was it!!!! : ))

and you have 1 child!! Honestly the world is just packed with great men ready to take his place. So take your time, relax and take this time to love your baby, KEEP GOING TO SCHOOL and finish your degree and you'll meet other successful men in the long run, trust me!! Keep your head up girl.

JackandJayne
by on Aug. 9, 2013 at 12:40 AM

Good for you! I know so many moms who don't know how to bury their cross silently and woman up and end up screwing their kids up by pouring their pain and bitterness onto their kids. Seriously, kudos. Kids are smart enough to figure out who's the actual parent later in life.

Quoting kellysp6637:

I know how hard this is....and I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.  When my son asked this question to me years and years ago....although I wanted to tell him the truth.....I didn't want him to EVER feel like he wasn't loved.  I told him that his father loved him very much....and that he just wasn't ready to be a daddy.  I told him that I loved him enough for both a mommy and a daddy and that I always would.  My son never really analyzed the response....I think he just wanted some response....years later he and his father have a relationship....he's 18 now...so it's not a really close and personal one, but more of a distant buddy relationship.  His closer relationships are with me and his stepfather (my dh of 11 years). 

It is what it is and you can't make your dd's father be one, but you don't have to let her know all the details and risk her feeling the hurt that you hold in your heart.  As mothers, we sacrifice so much, so holding onto this hurt to spare her will be second nature for you as it was me.

Like a previous poster said, you are stronger than you think.


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