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He's moved on

Posted by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 7:27 PM
  • 9 Replies

I am so hurt right now. Ever since me and my kids father split up 5 months ago its like there has been a huge amount of weight lifted off my shoulders. I have been at peace without all of the drama. I was even able to go through a whole day without thinking of him. While we have been apart he keeps in contact with the kids by calling them. Their grandmother bought them a phone that they both share so he does not have to go through me to contact them. Which was really good because I couldnt even stand to hear his voice sometimes.

Well just this past weekend he wanted the kids to come over and spend time with him while I worked. I felt that it would be good for them to be around their dad and spend a little quality time so I took them over and off to work I went. After work I called my daughter to tell her that I would be on my way and she said ok. Well when i got there I noticed a woman sitting out front but I didnt think much of it. My daughter got in the car and I asked did they have a good time and they both said yes. The youngest one then said "mommy I want to say something but I know that you are going to get mad". So I was like what is it? and she said that daddy has a new girlfriend and he told her to sit outside so when you pull up you can see her. I was like "what"?

Now dont get me wrong I do know that he was going to eventually move on because everytime we break up he has no trouble whatsoever finding another woman. He usually moves on pretty quickly. But I was very hurt at the fact that he wanted me to actually see it. I just dont understand. He intentionally does things to upset me sometimes thats why I just cant stand to hear from him. Yes i do still love him. At first i wouldnt think about him at all now I cant seem to get him and this woman off my mind. I couldnt sleep last night thinking of him having sex with her. How do I move past this? This is driving me crazy. I am struggling thoughout the week with the kids and their attitudes while he is living it up having a good time with this woman.

He called yesterday evening and asked the kids if they could come over next weekend. I would never keep them away from their dad but I just dont know how to go about this anymore. Sometimes when he calls the kids he will sometimes ask them what is your mom doing but I just dont understand why he would try to hurt me. This man knows that I still love him. I know that we have kids together and that we have to keep in contact for their sake but I feel so much better when i just dont hear from him at all. Everytime he call it stirs something up in me. I just cant stand him. How can I keep my distance but still let the kids have their dad in their lives.

by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 7:27 PM
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by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 8:00 PM
Welcome to the group. I'm not sure I get this - if the breakup was a relief and you don't think about him, why be hurt at him having a good? Sorry, but that sounds kinda selfish. You should be glad he's moved on. You don't want him, so be glad he's found someone who does and that he might be happy.
by Silver Member on Aug. 5, 2013 at 8:12 PM
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He wants you to see because he's a childish asshole. He wants to hurt you on purpose for whatever reason. The best thing to do is ignore it. Easier said than done I know, I was there. Whatever you do don't let him know that your feelings were hurt. If he brings it up, say "I don't care to know anything about your life ". You can tell your kids the same, that daddy's life is his business and you don't care to know anything about it. He's using them to get to you. He knows they will tell you things. That's a sick move on his part.
by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 8:31 PM

He wants a reaction out of you. Just ignore this and finds ways to actually move on yourself. If this jerk left you alone for some crazy reason believe me he will do it to her , it'll only be a matter time. Be very cautious of your kids ppl are crazy these days.

by Group Admin on Aug. 5, 2013 at 9:33 PM
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Don;t say anything to him about it. He obviously wants you to react and did it being a jerk. He'll be pissed when you don't acknowldge it.

by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 1:22 AM

Im going thru something so simular to your situation i try to act cordial for my kids sake. My kids father know just what to do to push my buttons and im sure yours does to. Its an immature ego/power trip thing they do, he thinks he can get to you. just ignore him and know that you are better than that. 

by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 9:38 AM

whatever you do?  vent here and don't let him see that you are upset!!!  won't they both get a surprise when YOU don't drop them off.  i don't care if you wait a block away and have someone else do it.  have any great looking guy friends?  DO IT!  oh my funny.  no explanation, no introductions...just have him let the kids out of the car and pull away.  don't say anything to the kids so that when new gf interrogates...they just don't know!  believe me...they will be sitting in wait for you next time.  she will be done up to the nines and looking super ecstatic!  don't let them win.  you will be o.k..  just them doing that lets you know that you are better off without him.  i know it still hurts, but you know you are doing what is best for you and your children.  my ex would do that ALL of the time.  any conversation was "well xxx and i were thinking..."  really?  why mention it.  do we really need to prove to each other we can get laid?  so have fun with it and then let it go.  blessings!  success to you!  ps. if he didn't still care?...he wouldn't try to hurt

by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 4:12 PM

He is very self-centered.  You need to occupy your mind with more useful things. What he did was awful, throwing that in your face, but you are giving him exactly what he wants.  Don't let him do that to you. 

Mine did something similar and it destroyed any respect I had left for him. To me that's a low blow.  An emotional punch in the face and it shows that he doesn't really care about you at all. Now you need to move on. 

by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 6:01 PM
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Sounds like a very childish move. He is looking for a reaction, but what he's doing is putting salt in the wound. Who broke up with who? If you still love him, why'd you split up? My ex had a girlfriend real quick after we broke up. I know he wasn't cheating, he never had time. Anyway anytime I had felt sad about it, I'd remember the childish crap he did and reminded myself "he's her problem now".

by on Aug. 7, 2013 at 4:00 PM

Your stbx is a jerkwad.  I know it's hard to move on but you need to try.  He's really not worth your hearthache.  I've been there for a while myself.  Hurting so much inside for what he did.  Just remember he HURT you.  He's NOT worth crying over anymore.  Losers/a-holes need to be kicked to the curb.  As much as it hurts now you will start to feel a lot better that you are no longer with him.  I promise!

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