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Posted by on Aug. 19, 2013 at 12:55 AM
  • 11 Replies

For the past month our lives have been so up and down, and my anxiety is thru the roof! Bd and I have had our share of problems but nothing prepared me for the HELL I lived through after I went back to work in June.  He became angry, intimidating and verbally and emotionally abusive, and violent.  He would pick a fight with me every day and intimidate me and harassment when I was at work or when I came home while playing with the baby.  He doesn't work, so he was a stay at home dad (his choice).  I feel that by me going back to work really incited his anger and exaareted his mental health issues, and I became a trigger for it all! The week I left him was littered with fights and horrible things said and threats made by him, but I had no way to leave, then one morning when I was getting ready for work, he shattered the bathroom mirror, because I refused to engage with him.  Well  now, after he was admitted to the psych ward twice from authorities, his family is harassing me, they all live across the country.  I live in fear every day and can't sleep at night, fearful he will hurt me and take the baby.  He villanized me to his family, and now they won't even tell me if he left the state, telling me I am playing the victim and he won't hurt me. Even the cops fear for my safety. I begged for his family to come out here and help, but they didn't. As I lay here at 1:00am, his step mom is texting me harassing me.  I can't take it any,ore. I jut want to fell safe and know that my baby is safe and happy!

thank you, I just needed to vent!

by on Aug. 19, 2013 at 12:55 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Silver Member on Aug. 19, 2013 at 1:10 AM
Block her # or even consider changing yours. Get a restraining order against them all.
by Member on Aug. 19, 2013 at 4:39 AM
I'm so sorry:) Maybe you should move somewhere that he doesn't know about:) Or get a weapon:) ((Hugs))
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by on Aug. 19, 2013 at 8:43 AM
Omg when i had i anxiety i had my baby from dad stressing me. It will get better once you move on i went to the gym a lot.Now I'm single no anxiety I'm in peace. It take a while it is the health for you and your baby. Good I'm going to say a prayer for you today.
by on Aug. 19, 2013 at 8:44 AM
Good luck my god be with you
by on Aug. 19, 2013 at 9:04 AM
1 mom liked this

Save the texts and other harrassing messages.  Go to the police.  If they can't do anything, you may be able to file a complaint through federal authorities since the harrassment is going across state lines.  It sounds like they are just as cracked as he is.

Do you have any family that you can stay with or go live with that is farther away?  Do you have an order of protection out for both you and your child? 

Finally, make sure that you do not post anything on social media (like facebook) about any of your friends, family or your don't post pics of a trip to the park or anything like that.  Do not have a set routine every day that can be predicatable.  Get alarms put on your doors/windows.  Do whatever you need to do to create a safety net for yourself.  Remember if you are out somewhere or in your home and you need help and can't get to a phone, set off the alarm on your car.  Make sure a neighbor knows that's a sign to call for help. 

by on Aug. 19, 2013 at 2:14 PM

I would move to another state and tell only the ones you trust (like your mom/dad) where you are.  Block the phone #'s from the ex and his family.  The phone company can do that for you for free if you tell them you are being harrassed.   Put an RO in order to ensure anything that is done against you in a harmful way is documented that way whomever harms you will go to jail.  Keep your doors and windows locked.  Not sure if you can reloated for your job but perhaps talk to your supervisor about the abuse and see if you can get an escort to/from your car. 

by on Aug. 19, 2013 at 2:41 PM
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Ok, first of all, save every text, voice mail, and email. DO NOT ANSWER ANYMORE calls or texts from them. Stop all communication. Go to the police and file a restraining order. When you are filling it out, write EVERYTHING that you remember happening. Don't leave stuff out because it gets tiring writing those. Also, make sure you leave it open ended. Say something like "this happened on this date, along with other things" so that way when you go to court you can bring up things that were not in the original order of protection. 

Call a DV shelter and get an advocate. They will help you with the court process, the protection order, and everything that goes along with it all. Find out if your state has an address confidentiality program. There are some alarm companies that will install free alarms in your home if you are a victim of DV. 

Get motion detecting lights and always leave doors and windows locked. Call your local police and let them know what is happening. Ask them to do drive by's of your house at night to check on you. They will gladly do it.

Finally, YOU ARE NOT HIS TRIGGER. He is the abuser. His need is to control you. You did nothing wrong. You are right not to engage him bc that is what he wants. You did not deserve this, you are worth so much more. Please let me know if you need help figuring things out. I know it's scary, but it does get better. 

by on Aug. 19, 2013 at 7:10 PM
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File a protective order. If he contacts you, throw his ass in jail.

by on Aug. 24, 2013 at 9:37 PM
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Thank you all so much for your support and love! Since I posted, life has gotten calmer and safer! I have not heard from him or anyone in his family.  I do not know where he is.  I am staying in the house, and right now I can't sell the house and move because we are both on. The deed.  I will be filing for custody on Monday, and he won't be served because I do not have an address for him.  I do have a loving and supportive family who has been here and has been great!  Asher is a very happy baby and very loved, I am so grateful for all the love and happiness that is present in our lives and I know that we will be ok and will be stronger.

by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 8:13 AM
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Glad to hear that you are doing well.  I just wanted to encourage you to be careful and do call the police to report each and every incident of harrassment.  We've recently been harrassed by new neighbors who moved in next door (young couple who let their barking dogs out at 5:30 am unattended and who blast their stereo at all hours).  In our conversation with the police officer, we were encouraged to call for every incident...just as someone in a domestic violence incident should.  What the officer told us was that if it isn't reported each and every time, it didn't happen.  You can't just document and then show up at their office and ask for an order of protection.  So, please, make sure that you report even now what has happened so that they have it on record...and then every time you get a new txt or other type of harrassment, make sure to document it. 

Contact your cell phone provider and let them know that you are being harrassed and ask them if they can provide you with a written log of txt messages to take to the police.  Just keep in mind that you will want to realize that any of your txts to others can be included in that transcript. 

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