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A lesson from my online dating epic fail...

Posted by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 9:35 PM
  • 41 Replies

I can't believe I forgot to post this when it happened a few weeks ago...  This is going to be long, because I need to paint the whole picture before getting to the punch line, which is I've always had a knack for giving good advice about things, such as dating dos and don'ts, but sometimes I fail to follow it...

There was this guy on POF that I immediately hit it off with. We messaged and eventually talked a lot for about 4-5 months. He lives 25 miles from here and we talked about meeting a couple of times, but our schedules clashed and he said he was in no hurry, that we needed to know each other better first anyway. He voluntarily told me his full name, where he works, and everything I needed to check him out. But, I decided not to (1st fail) because he appeared to have it all going for him and was open and upfront about his part in relationship failures (nothing serious), never made any disrespectful or questionable comments or even hinted at a sexual innuendo, and never once threw a red flag. Believe me, I am very skeptical these days and examine potential specimens real closely, but sometimes one slips through the cracks.

One night I was bored out of my skull and he happened to be off work early and called, so I offered to drive over and meet him for a drink at a place we both like. We met up in the parking lot, he shook my hand and we chatted for a minute. He was exactly as I expected him to be and I was immediately comfortable with him. Then he apologized and said he hadn't had a chance to go home after work and asked if I wanted to hang out at the club and wait or follow him to his house long enough for him to change into comfy clothes and grab some money. My gut didn't argue, no alarms went off, so I said I'd follow him (2nd fail and no clue wtf I was thinking). Anyway, we get to his nice, big house by the country club, I followed him in, he told me to look around, but I just sat on the sofa while he got me a drink and he went to change. He came back real quick and asked if I was ready to go, so I stood up and took a step towards the door. He moved in front of me and said that he couldn't resist the urge to kiss me and leaned in. I stepped back and said no, that I didn't feel it was appropriate right then. A look crossed his face that gave me cold chills and I knew I was in deep shit. He pushed me back and pinned me on the sofa, raised my shirt up and started kissing my stomach. I tried pushing him off and saying no, let me up, but that just fueled him. He didn't hit me or threaten me verbally, just kept saying that I was so beautiful he just couldn't help himself and how good I felt, while his hands and lips were all over me, but he never got under my clothes. We literally wrestled for 15 minutes before I finally managed to wiggle out from under him and get up. I grabbed my purse about a second before he reached for it and ran across the room to the door, with him coming behind me. Somehow I managed to beat him and when I got in the car, I hit the lock button at the same time he was reaching for the handle. I took off like a bat out of hell and left him standing there. Before I got home, he sent me a text that said, "Sorry it was so short, but thanks for the wonderful evening". I obviously didn't respond, except to block his number.

Sooo, please learn a lesson from my moronic decision, and DO NOT go to a dude's house or anywhere alone with him until you spend time with him in person and not just on the phone! I got very lucky, but many women don't.

by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 9:35 PM
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Replies (1-10):
woodstock525
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 10:41 PM
5 moms liked this

Please, please report this...even at this late date...to the police.  And report it to the online dating site.  You want to make sure that other ppl are aware of this guy's tactics.  He may have already raped a number of women who are afraid to come forward because they may feel it was their fault for having gone over to his place with him.

Robsessed98
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 11:04 PM

I did consider it, but it would have been he said she said because I had no cuts, bruises or torn clothing. He had told me several times prior to that night that he hadn't had a date in a couple of years because of healing from his divorce. At the time I believed it, but of course now I don't know.

Quoting woodstock525:

Please, please report this...even at this late date...to the police.  And report it to the online dating site.  You want to make sure that other ppl are aware of this guy's tactics.  He may have already raped a number of women who are afraid to come forward because they may feel it was their fault for having gone over to his place with him.


virginiamama71
by Carrie on Aug. 20, 2013 at 11:14 PM
1 mom liked this
Is his profile still on POF? Maybe there is a way to report him there? thanks for the reminder.
Saurusmom8
by Bronze Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 11:31 PM
I am so glad you are okay. Wow..

I was in a situation like this when I was younger.. I am so happy you got away.
LifeCafe42
by Nora on Aug. 20, 2013 at 11:58 PM
Yikes I'm glad you're ok
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lightoftheworld
by Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 12:57 AM
1 mom liked this
I would report it anyway... Even if you do not press charges, the cops will keep a record and if any other women come forward, then they can build a case. What a creep!! Glad you were able to escape
JackandJayne
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 1:27 AM

Yeah I'd at least report him to POF. Not sure they'd do much but maybe they'll throw him off for a minute. How insane!!! Glad you got out unscathed. And it got me thinking about some dates I had been on; I'm glad I always hung in a public place first. Well... You'll have a crazy story to tell on your next date???

Solo_Fan
by Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 1:39 AM

 OMG, glad you got out before more happened!!  That is scary!  Going to a guys place on the first meeting is a big NO NO.  My number one rule!!

Jenn8604
by Silver Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 1:47 AM
1 mom liked this
Don't worry about me McDonald's at dinner time is like Grand Central station at rush hour. Also I am only checking out guys from outta town so they can't stalk me home. If they follow 2 trips past the police station should shake them if not I park at it the 3rd time and waltz in. Oh and yes I'm the paranoid type Id memorize the dude I went out withs plates to make sure it was him following me before reporting him along w his cell number and any pix he had sent me :)
Yes, I'm that paranoid! :)
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Cenedra64
by Bronze Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 4:38 AM
Im so glad you got away. I got a lot to say on the subject but will refrain at the moment coz i dont want to scare anyone. just very glad your safe
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