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Am I doing the right thing?????

Posted by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 9:33 AM
  • 7 Replies

Baby daddy and I split up sometime ago bc he cheated and just dropped off the earth for a couple weeks.  Imediately following the break up I was dropping the kids off at his house every other weekend.  The first time my son came home and said that he was katy's (the new girlfriend) hiney and my daughter came home with severe diaper rash to the point where it blistered and didn't go away for 2 weeks.  I thought this was inappropriate and I let daddy know about it.  The second time I dropped them off the girlfriend was sleeping upstairs and when she came down she looked like a train wreck and I could smell the alcohol on her from across the house. Mind you it was 6:00 in the evening on a friday night. When I picked them up at 10:00 Sunday morning the kids were just eating breakfast and I could smell the alcohol on daddy and he looked like hell.  So, for the last 4.5 months I have not let him keep the children at his house.  I do allow him to come to my home and see the kids as often as he wants (which averages out to about 3 hrs every 3 weeks).  Recently, he had demanded his weekends back and told me that I had no right to keep his kids from his girlfriend and if I don't give his weekends back then he will take me to court.  So...I thought about it for a few days and decided that maybe I should give him another shot and really it is not right to  keep the girlfriend from the kids.  The day I was gonna call and let him know he could have his weekends back I found out that a few days earlier the cops were called to his house and his girl was arrested and charged with assult bc she was hitting him and apparently she was drunk.  As a result her parents enrolled her in some kind of rehab to try and get out of the assult charge.  Now, I am thinking that I should let him take me to court because I think that it is in my children's best interest not to be around his abusive alcoholic girlfriend and I would like the court records to reflect that.  What would you do?

by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 9:33 AM
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Replies (1-7):
LauraMH
by Bronze Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 9:43 AM

First of all, you need to make sure you document each and every time something happens. Try to get the police report too. However, if you do go to court, i feel that most likely he will get his weekends back. So far, all the problems have been from the girlfriend and not from him. Courts think that kids do better with 2 parents being actively involved whether it is true or not. \

I know for me, my ex shouldn't be allowed in my kids lives but the court feels otherwise. Maybe you should take him to court first. It may look bad on you that he has not been allowed visitation. I know that you allow him to see the kids at your house but the courts will want him to be able to spend time with the kids on him own. 

I know that probably isn't what you wanted to hear. No I don't think you are in the wrong by keeping the kids away, but the court will probably feel otherwise.

krisnkids
by Silver Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 9:45 AM
1 mom liked this

If there is a court order saying he is supposed to have the kids then you need to follow it. If there is not then its your way or the highway. Normally I have the stance of: mom needs to facilitate the relationship with dad, but in this case if he is drunk/drinking while they are there and the gf is violent then keep them home. Dad has three options, visit the kids at your house, go to court and get visitation rights or go blow himself.

Chelsey191
by Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 9:47 AM
1 mom liked this
I would go to court and fight like hell that his gf is not allowed near the children.
mammabug13
by Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 10:05 AM

 

I do document everything and I try to keep most contact via text so that I have physical proof of what is going on.  I do feel that my children deserve and need their father's presents in their lives.  Without the girlfriends influence he is a really great dad and when he comes to seeing the kids at my house I do not sit and supervise.  Sometimes I will run my errands and other times I will go upstairs and either clean or read. I am more comfortable with him seeing them there because there is no alcohol there and I know that there will be no one of questionable character stopping by. I am very protective of my children and I choose very wisely who does and does not belong in there lives.  I admit that at first I was pissed about his infidelity and I just didn't want another woman in my children's life like that.  I believe I have grown from this mindset and I understand that inevitably they will end up with step parents.  However, the more I hear about this particular  woman the more I believe that she is not a good person and I absolutely do not what her influence in my children's lives.  My greatest concern is that the girlfriend could quite possibly be a physical danger to my children.  I dont know that the court would put restictions like not having the girlfriend there while he has his children...

Quoting LauraMH:

First of all, you need to make sure you document each and every time something happens. Try to get the police report too. However, if you do go to court, i feel that most likely he will get his weekends back. So far, all the problems have been from the girlfriend and not from him. Courts think that kids do better with 2 parents being actively involved whether it is true or not. \

I know for me, my ex shouldn't be allowed in my kids lives but the court feels otherwise. Maybe you should take him to court first. It may look bad on you that he has not been allowed visitation. I know that you allow him to see the kids at your house but the courts will want him to be able to spend time with the kids on him own. 

I know that probably isn't what you wanted to hear. No I don't think you are in the wrong by keeping the kids away, but the court will probably feel otherwise.


 

mamalena137
by Bronze Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 11:38 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't know to much about how the court's will see this, but I'd definitely go to court if you don't have a parenting plan or what have you in place. I would be very pissed to if my son was around someone who smells like alcohol, I don't care if dad's girlfriend or my own mom. I don't know if you can talk to your ex about your concerns, if he'll be rational. Sorry I couldn't be of more help. Good luck.hugs

heretolisten
by Bronze Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 9:08 AM

You could seek a protection order on the girlfriend so she would have to leave or the kids would not be allowed at that home.  

mammabug13
by Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 10:29 AM
I dont know that they would grant one seeing as how she has not had any physical or verbal communicatiin with my children. I believe u can onky file something like that after a situation has taken place. I don't even want to give it the opportunity to happen.


Quoting heretolisten:

You could seek a protection order on the girlfriend so she would have to leave or the kids would not be allowed at that home.  


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