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Would you date?.

Posted by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 3:42 PM
  • 21 Replies
I am separated from my husband and it's been 3 months. We were separated last year for 4 months, but this separation is different. We don't communicate at all because of a protection order. Even in the relationship I felt we were separated. Do you ladies think it's ok to date or would you wait until your divorce is final. Even if you dated would you allow yourself to get serious with the person? Curious of your thoughts.
by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 3:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Robsessed98
by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 4:34 PM

I've been separated for a little over a year. We talked on the phone for about 3 months about working it out until I realized it just wasn't going to work. Only problem there is he still hasn't accepted it's over and bugs me every day. I moved 500 miles away, so at least I don't have to see him. There's a few legal reasons why we aren't getting divorced yet, but reconciliation isn't one of them. I didn't date until I was sure, but afterwards I started talking to and seeing guys as "friends first". I always let them know my situation up front though. Do whatever you feel you're ready for.

krisnkids
by Silver Member on Aug. 23, 2013 at 5:32 PM
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I won't date someone in the process of a divorce. For one they are not single so to me thats not available, I don't want to be the rebound, I don't want the kids to think that I am the reason mom and dad got divorced, Too much drama to be a part of. 

kidlover2
by Bronze Member on Aug. 23, 2013 at 5:34 PM
I wanted to be that person who waited until they were divorced, but the divorce process was taking forever.... So I technically went on my first date the week before my marriage was officially terminated.
mamalena137
by Bronze Member on Aug. 23, 2013 at 6:07 PM

I would wait until I felt like the marriage was completely dead and had time to heal. When a relationship ends you still go through a grieving process. I've been broken up from my ex for over a year. I just recently started feeling like I want to start dating but nothing serious. Only you can tell when it feels right. Good luck.

myhodge
by Member on Aug. 23, 2013 at 6:17 PM
Thanks for all the replies. I think I am feeling lonely. I really don't know if my marriage is over. But I know for now it is over. I started the divorce process. I know I should wait, I keep thinking about him being with someone and not calling or chasing me, so I want to date. He was abusive as well that's why he is not here. I told my story before. I guess I am still grieving.
LauraMH
by Bronze Member on Aug. 23, 2013 at 8:08 PM
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Grieving for your loss is a normal part of the healing process. What you need to know is that the grieving is different for those who left abusive relationships. You are not necessarily grieving the loss of what you had, but grieving the loss of what COULD have been. When you are in an abusive relationship, you hold onto hope that things will change. You want to have what that hope tells you, you could have had. He will not change. He was an abusive man.

I understand your lonliness and you wanting to date but I don't think it's what you need right now. I don't know you, only your story that you have shared here, but I do know my life, and our pasts are very similar. You need to heal from what you have been through before you can have a healthy relationship.

I hope for your sake that your relationship is truly over. I can tell you that I understand if it is not. When I left my ex for the last time he filed divorce. I know for a fact that if he had not filed we would have gotten back together. Through the divorce I was able to get therapy and see him for who is truly is. He then wanted to get back together but I was coming out of his grasps by then and knew it was not healthy or normal. I hope you are able to break loose from him grasps soon. He has no power over you anymore. You are strong, independent and important. You can do this!


Quoting myhodge:

Thanks for all the replies. I think I am feeling lonely. I really don't know if my marriage is over. But I know for now it is over. I started the divorce process. I know I should wait, I keep thinking about him being with someone and not calling or chasing me, so I want to date. He was abusive as well that's why he is not here. I told my story before. I guess I am still grieving.



pedritosmama
by Member on Aug. 23, 2013 at 8:48 PM

Nooooo.  It takes so much time to get past a marriage.  I went on dates right after my divorce was final and they did not work out.  Then I waited several more months.  It feels right to be single right now and take time for myself.  It has now been 15 months since my husband left and I'm just now thinking of getting back out there seriously.

cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Aug. 23, 2013 at 8:49 PM
1 mom liked this

Personally, I wouldn't date until the divorce is final.

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Aug. 23, 2013 at 10:43 PM

You date when it's right for you.  If there is no way of rekindling then yes.  divorce can be a long crazy expensive drawn out process

cookiemonster35
by Member on Aug. 24, 2013 at 1:19 AM

I don't date anyone that isn't divorced bcI know what I went through with my divorce. It was awful and very stressful. Even after the divorce he was and still is so mean. My point to all of this is that I would not have made a very good gf. I was in a constant state of panic, anger, and hurt. I don't think that really starts until you start talking money, kids, and possessions. This is just my opinion.

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