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Am I selfish for feeling like this??

Posted by on Aug. 24, 2013 at 6:15 PM
  • 20 Replies

I have been a mom since I was 15 years old. He is now 5. I do everything I can to give my son the best. I enrolled him into a high class school that he had to test to be accepted into so that I could make sure he is receiving the best education possible. My kindergartner is my world! I love him so much but sometimes I have selfish thoughts.. First of all I had to give up cheerleading in high school when I found out I was pregnant with him.. I got over that but now the fact that I had to give up being at school  is starting to get to me... My boyfriend (who does more for my son than his own dad does) just left to go back and finish his last semester at the university we both attended and today all the selfish thoughts came back.. Sometimes I just wish I didn't have a child(my boyfried is 22 with no kids).. I sometimes wonder "why me?!"... I have to work two jobs and I get NO child support from my sons dad who is now living in another state with his new girlfriend, their new son, and her daughter he took in as his own...  I have to sit out this semester because I can't afford to pay for school and I have to work... I'd rather be living on campus and goin to class everyday like regular 20 year olds do,, not go to work everyday.. Is it wrong that I sometimes feel like I should have given him up for adoption? I honestly feel like he deserves better than a mom who can only give him the basics.. I want him to have a better chance at life,, and I also want a better chance too... I cried writing this post.. Please don't judge me and please tell me I'm not the only one who sometimes feels this way... 

by on Aug. 24, 2013 at 6:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ChromeCowgirl37
by on Aug. 24, 2013 at 6:23 PM
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It's hard, but motherhood is a sacrifice, but it is the most rewarding sacrifice. Uber kudos to you for successfully completing high school and attending a university! That is WAY more than most teen mom's ever accomplish! Now that he is starting school, try to find some time for yourself. I know you are working a lot, but maybe try to have a day off or work a half day once in while on a school day so you can do something for you. Look into online classes that maybe you can work on after he goes to bed so you don't have to sit out a semester. When you pick your electves, try to get one that is more enjoyable and plays into your interests so it becomes more of an enrichment that a requirement. You are strong to have made it this far, so I think you will do well. :)

Cheyenne Fall Risk Anderson

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amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Aug. 24, 2013 at 6:39 PM

It's a little selfish, but totally normal too and your certainly not the only one to ever feel this way.  I know you feel like you've missed out on "normal" experiences, but really you've just traded them for other experiences that are just as wonderful.  I hope you can try to see that. 

It sounds like you might be experiencing some signs of depression.  I'm not a doctor though, but I would encourage you to maybe talk to one about the things you're feeling and about the things you feel you've missed out on.

Mamavelt
by Bronze Member on Aug. 24, 2013 at 6:48 PM
1 mom liked this
Oh honey- it is easy to get down when you are alone and struggling to raise a child or children on your own- and it doesn't matter if you are 20 or 40.


But the important thing is that you are being a good mom. That is really all that matters.
Jenn8604
by Silver Member on Aug. 24, 2013 at 6:55 PM
2 moms liked this
Save some money for next semester so you can go back and enjoy being out of school for awhile :) Your doing awesome getting him the best education you can. What if you had given him up and his adopted parents didn't make him test into a better kindergarten class? What if he was in a bad school? What if his adopted parents could only give him the basics too? What if they were the kind that collects kids to do their dirty work and didn't love him?
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cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Aug. 24, 2013 at 7:23 PM

Can you get financial aid? Look into all the different grants and scholarships that are available to you. I had full financial aid and I was able to get a grant one semester to cover part of his daycare costs while I was in school.

iMissNSU
by on Aug. 24, 2013 at 7:48 PM


I had financial aid but I lost it because of my grades. I had missed a lot of class when my son had to have surgery. I got it back but now I can't get help until I bring my balance down. I'm working on it. Thank you so much for your help!! 

Quoting cjsmom1:

Can you get financial aid? Look into all the different grants and scholarships that are available to you. I had full financial aid and I was able to get a grant one semester to cover part of his daycare costs while I was in school.



iMissNSU
by on Aug. 24, 2013 at 7:51 PM

Your right! I just ate dinner with my son and I started to feel guilty about those thoughts because I really do love him & I can't imagine not being able to see him everyday.. I'm blessed to have my son and I hope I won't have those selfish thoughts anymore.. Thank you for helping me. 

Quoting Jenn8604:

Save some money for next semester so you can go back and enjoy being out of school for awhile :) Your doing awesome getting him the best education you can. What if you had given him up and his adopted parents didn't make him test into a better kindergarten class? What if he was in a bad school? What if his adopted parents could only give him the basics too? What if they were the kind that collects kids to do their dirty work and didn't love him?



iMissNSU
by on Aug. 24, 2013 at 8:06 PM

I'm pretty much okay as far as depression is concerned.. I just sometimes feel disturbed when I think about how my sons father seems like he's just heartless.. I never knew he would be that way. But luckily I do have my boyfriend, friends and family who are supportive so that's enough to be thankful for. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who sometimes has the selfish thoughts that I now feel so guilty about after looking into my sons litte face.. Thank you so much for your helping me realize

Quoting amonkeymom:

It's a little selfish, but totally normal too and your certainly not the only one to ever feel this way.  I know you feel like you've missed out on "normal" experiences, but really you've just traded them for other experiences that are just as wonderful.  I hope you can try to see that. 

It sounds like you might be experiencing some signs of depression.  I'm not a doctor though, but I would encourage you to maybe talk to one about the things you're feeling and about the things you feel you've missed out on.



strongerwtime
by on Aug. 24, 2013 at 8:43 PM

Im 33 and I have those thoughts sometimes too.  For you though I can understand how you would think of a lot more...I at least had my teen years before becoming a mom.  I did get to cheer.  I did not go to college.  I wanted to go.  But was never confident that I could do it.  I feel guilty sometimes. but not as much anymore.

woodstock525
by on Aug. 24, 2013 at 9:07 PM

I understand how you feel too.  I went back to college after my son was born while my ex went of with wife #2 who had five kids at home.  I managed on grants, scholarships, student loans and work study, but it wasn't easy. 

Have you looked into a state university that might have family housing on their campus?  Alot of them have that nowadays.  And, the cost can be covered by your financial aid.  Just a suggestion.

Another idea is that you might want to look at getting a job at a college/university.  A side benefit of working at one is free or reduced cost tuition.  That's the only way I was able to afford to get my master's degree and the only way I was able to afford to help my son get his four year degree.  It doesn't matter if you're the janitor or the college president...the tuition break that is offered typically applies to anyone who works there and their dependents.

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