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Having twins and alone, help!

Posted by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 7:51 PM
  • 17 Replies

I'm in a situation and would love some support and or advice.  I am divorced and have two girls, 9 and 12 who I share 50/50 custody of.  I am also currently 6 months pregnant with twin girls! Yikes!  I have been in a serious relationship for the past two years with a man that lives in another town. I was planning on moving to be with him this past summer with my kids, when he broke things off with me.  His explanation was that he was scared of it not working out and being responsible for uprooting my life and my kid's life. I was completely shocked and devastated.  World turned upside-down.

About a week later, I had a one night fling with a guy who was a friend of mine.  I was hurt and sad from my breakup and dealt with it in the wrong way.  About three weeks later I found out I was pregnant... and yes... did not know for sure who the father was.  I know! Condoms!  I've already beat myself up over it.

After the shock of finding out I was having twins, and much deliberation on what I should do, I decided to keep the babies.  I told both men I was pregnant as well as the possibility that the babies could belong to another.  After my ex got over the hurt and anger (which took months) he was on board with having the babies and being together if they were his. We had talked a lot about what our future together looked like if the outcome was not in his favor and he went back and forth on whether he could stay with me if they weren't his.  Because we loved each other so much I really wanted to believe it was going to work out whatever the outcome.  The other guy wanted nothing to do with the situation or me.  We did a paternity test when I was 4 months and it turned out the babies were not my ex's.  Again, total devastation. 

My ex and I have had very limited contact since the results came back, 2 months now.  He has told me that he needs time and that he does not have an answer for me on what our future looks like together.  He won't speak to me in person, he has only texted me.  However he has spoken to a family member of mine a few times to check on the babies and me.  I don't know if I should hold onto the possibility of a future with him or let go.  I completely understand that it would be difficult for most men to stay in a relationship under these circumstances, but its hard not to be hopeful when he tells me he needs time. 

The babies father still wants nothing to do with them. I am scared and feeling very alone.  I do not have family that lives by me, just a few close girlfriends.  I've had to suffer the humiliation of telling people the truth about who the father of the babies are, including my own children.  I am feeling extremely overwhelmed at the task I have before me.  Raising 4 kids on my own, twins no less. 

I would love any words of advice or encouragement.   

by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 7:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Carrie on Aug. 26, 2013 at 8:08 PM
I really hope everything gets worked out so the twins will be in a stable family environment or atleast have their father involved in their life. ((hugs))
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 8:17 PM
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 Best of luck.  I hope everything settles in the right place for you and the babies.

by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 9:00 PM
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Thank you for the words of encouragement!

by on Aug. 27, 2013 at 1:20 AM
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Awe. I hope the best for you and your kids. We're always here whenever you want to talk.
by Gold Member on Aug. 27, 2013 at 1:29 AM
I am in a similar situation except I have 3 kids who are much younger and I do it 100% alone. I am choosing adoption for my twins. I too am 6 months pregnant. Weigh your options.
by on Aug. 27, 2013 at 4:09 AM
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 wishin you all the best :)

by on Aug. 27, 2013 at 7:45 AM
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Honestly, if he's willing to break things off like that, I would find someone else. I get you love him, but that's ridiculous to me. Either he wants to be with you or he doesn't. You all were not together because he chose to break it off and you ended up getting pregnant. If he loved you it shouldn't matter. Not trying to be harsh, but he needs to either step up to the plate and be a man for you or move on.

If it was me, I wouldn't wait around for him. He needs to grow up. You're a mother and you have children. He can either be apart of your life or not at all. You're both adults and he needs to act like one. 

If it was me, I would join a support group just to talk in the flesh to other women and focus on your children. 

With the whole "father of children" is no one's business except for your own unless it's for legal papers. Who cares what other's think? I say that as a nurse. You're a good mom and there's nothing to be ashamed of! People are judgemental and ignorant. It's there's problem if they don't like your situation.

You can get assistance for the twins and take the father to court. You already have paternity proven and it takes 2 to make babies, so hold him responsible! 

Sorry if I come off harsh. I raise my DD all by myself because her father won't have anything to do with her. Men like that make me mad!

by on Aug. 27, 2013 at 9:15 AM
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Hugs mama I'm sorry
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by Group Admin on Aug. 27, 2013 at 9:28 AM
I agree with momtoneeners. He broke up with you and gave you a stupid excuse about why before you got pregnant. It's an emotional roller coaster you don't need while pregnant.
If nothing else take the girls father to court for child support.
by Gold Member on Aug. 27, 2013 at 10:19 AM

group hug

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