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Unique problem

Posted by on Sep. 1, 2013 at 12:58 AM
  • 29 Replies

Okay, so I am not yet divorced. Ex filed the papers on Aug 23, so it might be a while anyway. He hired this shark of a lawyer who advised him to do all this stuff. I think he was trying to get sole custody all along because he kept hinting at it every time I did something he did not agree with. Well, my sister who is kind of like a daughter to me was down on her luck and needed a place to stay. She has problems, but she has always been good to my kids so I did not feel that they were in any danger by agreeing to let her live with me. Well, as soon as ex found out about sister, he decided that my kids were no longer mine. We were doing week on/ week off and it was my week but he picked them up from school tues when they were supposed to ride the bus to my work. He did not even talk to me about it first, he just called the school and told them. Well I found out about it, and I called him and asked him what was up. He told me they were not going back to my house as long as my sister was there. I have begun the process of trying to get my own lawyer, (I am not as financially well off as him) and fight for them but I am afraid that if he keeps them from me for too long they will forget me and they will not want to come to my house anymore even if I get court ordered custody papers saying they have to. I want them to be happy. It seems like he is buying their love with all this fancy stuff that I cannot hope to compete with. He has a swimming pool and he bought my oldest a kindle which he would not let her take to my house even when he was letting her come over here. I do not know what to do.

Are there any steps you can take to make sure that you're a good parent. He keeps saying that I am not and that he is doing this for the good of our children because I make bad choices. Example: one time when it was his week I called to say goodnight to the children but he wouldn't let me at the time. Well, I was going out that night and I knew I wouldn't hear my phone ring because of the noise in the place I was going to be. So I told him I might not hear the phone ring if they called back and asked him to please let me say goonight then. He wouldn't let me and then tried to call back when I was in the noisy place.  When I checked my phone I had like three messages and 10 missed calls. I called him back after I had gone outside where I could hear and he said I was a bad mother for not saying goodnight to my girls. Should I have waited for his call, even though he might not have called back?

Anyway I need advice on how to make sure you're a good enough mom to get at least joint custody because he is trying to take them away from me completely. Right now he is acting like I only have supervised visitation rights. (we have no paperwork yet) I got to have my middle child over on fri night, but only because my boss let me off work early so I could go to the school before he got there. I picked her up and we tried to pick up her sister too but he neglected to tell me that sister had an ear problem that she was taking medicine for and he refused to give me the medicine so I could take her. I was planning on taking the girls shopping but only got to take the middle child.

Seems like trying to get to the school before him to get them might make them upset and hurt them more than it will help but how can I keep him from doing this if I don't? Sorry to ramble. Please help.

by on Sep. 1, 2013 at 12:58 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Ridingsolo
by Bronze Member on Sep. 1, 2013 at 6:26 AM

This sounds like a distressing situation.  The ex sounds quite determined to get as much time with the kids as he can and not interested in a fair turnout.

I don't have any tips other than to get the best lawyer you can.  Many lawyers allow payment plans.  If he has a very good lawyer and you don't, they might be able to twist things around when you get to court. 

Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Sep. 1, 2013 at 7:27 AM
1 mom liked this
He's alienating you and judges don't look kindly upon that from either parent.

Just so you know, this isn't unique. It's rather common.

Keep copies of email and texts where you request time with the kids and how he refuses and undermines your relationship with them.

mommyRojo
by Member on Sep. 1, 2013 at 9:03 AM

My ex does that passive agressive stuff and did a lot of it during our court visits. I was always varying over how he made me feel like I was a bad mom. Wouldn't talk to me, or listen to me....then was like "she doesn't talk to me!" "She is ignoring me!" Etc.  all this JUST to scare me. It was all BS and once I talked to my attorney I knew this was BS and he was just trying to make me feel like a bad mom.

hayliedlr
by JoAnna on Sep. 1, 2013 at 10:23 AM
Oh wow, sorry for what you are dealing with. I also agree that judges don't look kindly to the alienating parent
lightoftheworld
by Member on Sep. 1, 2013 at 10:29 AM
Document everything!! When these things happen (like the bedtime phone call episode, which is total BS), write yourself an email and send it to yourself and your lawyer (when you get one). At least to yourself. That will electronically time stamp the email so that the judge will know you arent making things up at the last minute. It definitely sounds like he is alienating you, and keeping important health information about the kids hidden from you is a big no-no too. Also, if your sister is genuinely not a danger, that shouldnt be a problem- she is family and the same gender. BUT, if she is having trouble with the law, or currently into drugs/substance abuse, I would ask her to leave. You need to keep yourself as squeaky clean as you can, because it sounds like your ex isnt interested in joint parenting or sharing custody. (Which, btw, most judges do not like either, they try to keep it equal as possible unless there is a danger to the kids)
kidlover2
by on Sep. 1, 2013 at 10:30 AM
Keep records of every interaction you have between the two of you. Save all texts and emails. RECORD RECORD RECORD. Keep a diary.
momof3girls1983
by on Sep. 1, 2013 at 3:28 PM

 


Quoting Andrewsmom70:

He's alienating you and judges don't look kindly upon that from either parent.

Just so you know, this isn't unique. It's rather common.

Keep copies of email and texts where you request time with the kids and how he refuses and undermines your relationship with them.


 He is not communicating via e-mail or text, just talking on the phone and he's letting me see the girls only when he is there. He is acting like I have to have supervised visitation.

Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Sep. 1, 2013 at 3:32 PM

Then only communicate thru get/email from now on. That way you have record of what he's saying.

Also, what happens if you get there and tell the kids, "let's go, head to the car". Honestly if there are no court papers, he cannot hold them there or prevent them from leaving with you.

Quoting momof3girls1983:



Quoting Andrewsmom70:

He's alienating you and judges don't look kindly upon that from either parent.

Just so you know, this isn't unique. It's rather common.

Keep copies of email and texts where you request time with the kids and how he refuses and undermines your relationship with them.


 He is not communicating via e-mail or text, just talking on the phone and he's letting me see the girls only when he is there. He is acting like I have to have supervised visitation.



momof3girls1983
by on Sep. 1, 2013 at 3:32 PM

 


Quoting lightoftheworld:

Document everything!! When these things happen (like the bedtime phone call episode, which is total BS), write yourself an email and send it to yourself and your lawyer (when you get one). At least to yourself. That will electronically time stamp the email so that the judge will know you arent making things up at the last minute. It definitely sounds like he is alienating you, and keeping important health information about the kids hidden from you is a big no-no too. Also, if your sister is genuinely not a danger, that shouldnt be a problem- she is family and the same gender. BUT, if she is having trouble with the law, or currently into drugs/substance abuse, I would ask her to leave. You need to keep yourself as squeaky clean as you can, because it sounds like your ex isnt interested in joint parenting or sharing custody. (Which, btw, most judges do not like either, they try to keep it equal as possible unless there is a danger to the kids)

She is not having trouble with the law or substance abuse but she does have a history of mental illness. Non-violent though and she's stable as long as she takes her meds, which she is doing right now.

 

momof3girls1983
by on Sep. 1, 2013 at 3:33 PM

 


Quoting Andrewsmom70:

Then only communicate thru get/email from now on. That way you have record of what he's saying.

Also, what happens if you get there and tell the kids, "let's go, head to the car". Honestly if there are no court papers, he cannot hold them there or prevent them from leaving with you.

Quoting momof3girls1983:

 

 

Quoting Andrewsmom70:

He's alienating you and judges don't look kindly upon that from either parent.

Just so you know, this isn't unique. It's rather common.

Keep copies of email and texts where you request time with the kids and how he refuses and undermines your relationship with them.

 

 He is not communicating via e-mail or text, just talking on the phone and he's letting me see the girls only when he is there. He is acting like I have to have supervised visitation.

 

 

He can because there is no one around to stop him. He is bigger and stronger than me. The first time I went out to his house to see the girls he said it wasn't a good idea because no one was around. I think that was a threat.

 

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