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Need Advice - feeling helpless

Posted by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 9:28 PM
  • 8 Replies

Feeling overwhelmed, helpless and lost. 

Im a divorced mom 3+ years and have four children. My support orders the ex to pay child support and maintenance for 8 years as I am unable to work until my daughter can take care of herself entirely with her type 1 diabetes, and insulin administration.

2 years ago the ex started to short me support and owed $5,000+ ...received a court hearing that he filed for a downward modification. In court the magistrate dismissed the case as the ex had no proof he had received a pay cut. He was denied and was told to payback the amount owed and go back to paying the amount that was ordered. The ex never paid back the back support, but went back to paying the ordered amount.

End of June 2013 my ex started shorting me support again. He claimed he got yet another "pay cut". I asked him to provide me proof. He told me it was not my business. I reminded him that he could not take it upon himself to just change an order of support and pay less or nothing at all. He told me to GFM.

July 9, I went to family court and filed a violation petition. I was told by the clerk that it can take 8-10 weeks before receiving a letter with a court date. We are at 8 weeks + now and still have not received anything.  My ex is behind by $6484.00. I am struggling paying some bills, groceries, and necessities  and had to cancel my Cobra coverage(which covered health insurance for myself) through his employer as it was almost $600.00/ month. THEN BOOM!!!! The ex tells me last week that he lost his job. He told me the children no longer will have health insurance and he's not sure if he will be able to collect unemployment. I emailed his HR and was only told that the children's insurance was to end Aug 31.  WTF.  I asked him: how am I supposed to buy my daughters diabetic supplies? How will she see her endocrinologist? How will I get her insulin pump supplies? Insulin? Test strips? glucagon? Not to mention the special food she needs to eat as she is not only diabetic but has celiac disease and needs to eat gluten-free???  His answer to me was "it's not his F'n problem". Well folks this is nothing new- he's never been that type of daddy who does, or shows affection, except when he has an audience. No surprise there...sure great he has a Bachelors Degree, and was VP and Director of his company....and who knows what the truth is about his job...and why wouldn't he receive unemployment?  But I'm in panic mode! With school just about to start and less than $100.00 in my bank account. NOW MY QUESTION: do I need to wait for my court hearing date for the violation of petition that I filed OR should and can I file with Support Collection Unit? Do they help you file or apply for Medicaid or food benefits for my 4 children? Which do I do first??? How long does this all take?? I'm almost out of test strips for my daughter and I test her blood sugar every 2 hours - even when she is asleep. ANY SUGGESTIONS, support or advice PLEASE

Also the ex was supposed to keep in place his life insurance policy in place at all times for the children - he canceled policy 3 years ago. Was ordered to pay my father $200.00 per month to pay off a loan - which he now stopped paying. And was ordered to provide a vehicle to us (with me making payments )after the lease  expired - which was also 3 years ago - and have no vehicle provided by him as the court ordered him to do so in the divorce. 

Sorry for the lengthy post. In tears and am feeling hopeless of the uncertain. 




by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 9:28 PM
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Replies (1-8):
happymommy1105
by Gold Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 9:54 PM
go to DFACs and file for medicaid and food stamps and everything under the sun at the moment. Explain the situation to the case worker. Call and let the child support enforcement people know what is going on. Let your court date come and take copies of all the support you had to apply for with you. Medical bills, etc. In the meantime, look for work. Try babysitting or work from home deals. Go back to school online. Do what you gotta do. Daycares and schools are properly trained to take care of diabetic children. Find one that you can trust and go from there if you need to. See if you can get SSDI for the diabetic child.
cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 10:13 PM

Find your local welfare office and apply for medicaid. Explaiin that you will no longer be getting help from your rx and see what elps they can offer you.

Beachscreamer
by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 10:16 PM

My daughter is in school but not only am I called 9 times a day - for instructing her (as in a controlled dianetic child, the nurse would be able to take over - unfortunately we are still tweaking and she fluctuates often) and I am called to school at least 2 times a week - either a too high of blood sugar with ketones and have to take her home - too low and with juice, sugar etc - cant get her blood sugar raised and they send her home - or pump site needs to be changed if blood sugars raise (sometimes it hits scar tissue and no delivery of insulin, or pump site falls out and I have to come and change it) Not only the several phone calls, school visits but last year alone just my daughter was out sick 45 times - my youngest son was out sick close to 30 times (all excused absents due to illness) my other 2 boys we're absent a few times. With sickness and out from school, school closings, holidays, vacation days - and doctor visits - I'd be fired...  Childcare is not affordable - I wouldn't even make enough to cover those expenses -  I agree I need to work. It's finding what can I do from home job?  I'm looking online at courses - and assistance for it

I just read if Medicaid or other benefits are granted for their needs that if I sign up with the support collection unit and once they collect from the ex, that I won't be paid support or back support until all the assistance is paid back in full. I don't know if this is correct information.  


Beachscreamer
by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 10:25 PM


Quoting cjsmom1:

Find your local welfare office and apply for medicaid. Explaiin that you will no longer be getting help from your rx and see what elps they can offer you.

I spoke to someone today and was told - I have no proof from my ex, or the court. I said I have bank statements of the deposits he has made leading up to his job loss and also told them I have a copy of the violation petition that I filed in July. They told me they can only go by my divorce order of what he pays. I explained but that is not what he is paying and I can provide all else - I was told "any other questions?" And before I can speak - they hung up the phone.  I've decided to do a walk- in and bring every bit of proof of anything I have as we'll as birth cert, ss cards divorce papers, court orders, financial disclosure, bills, liscense, passport, medical records - whatever and everything I can think of - along with the online application I just filled out and printed... 

adahmama
by Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 11:15 PM
1 mom liked this
Ask the courts, when you get there, fir his entire retirement or 401K. I gut my exes when he fell thousands behind and was proved to be intentionally under_employed. Hugs and good luck!
adahmama
by Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 11:16 PM
Sorry for errors...dang phone!
TattooedMommyxo
by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 11:28 PM
Apply for medical assistance for your children and yourself. Apply for WIC too. Apply for whatever you can based on your situation you should qualify for a lot. Just remember its always darkest just before the dawn, keep your head up and remember to smile because you have four beautiful children who love you
Beachscreamer
by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 11:59 PM

Thank you

i have been very strong for many years. The 18 years of marriage and the numerous years he put me through of physical abuse, mental abouse as well as verbal abuse. For whatever reason I am growing weak now. Maybe it's the years of lack of sleep, worrying, keeping it together for so long or just because my kids need me and their love is what gets me through. But I am tired now and this all seems so confusing - the information I'm reading from my county's website, the paperwork, so much involved - and seems this all doesn't get fixed right away. I'm not going to give up, but I am only human and right now feel weak. I can't be or he will win and I won't shine like super mom as I always do in my children's eyes. 

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