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Child Lying

Posted by on Sep. 8, 2013 at 8:18 PM
  • 6 Replies
Hello! So I am looking for some advice. I have 3 kids, ages 8 (boy), 7 (boy) and 4 (girl). Their father and I are almost divorced. It has been a long drawn out process. Approximately 4 years and through it all their dad has shown his true colors and is a liar. Their father and I do not communicate or co-parent well because he is completely unwilling. Their dad had a psychological evaluation and shows signs of being a sociopath with bi-polar symptoms. Now I am worried because my 7 year old is lying all the time and showing no remorse no matter what the "punishment" is. I have tried taking away his favorite toys, sent him to bed early, and of course we have talked. My problem is that when we talk, he tunes me out and shows blatant disrespect. When I raise my voice even a little he tells me that I am bullying him. Tonight when I caught him lying to me, he used the I just want my daddy and truth be told I lied to him saying that his dad would be upset about him lying but it is a normal course of action for his dad to lie. I have wished for a good co-parenting relationship but it is never going to happen. I am fighting an uphill battle, I know since morals and values are going to be learned from me with complete opposition when they are at their dad's. My other two kids do not have instances of lying often but my 7 year old is often. Can anyone recommend a good book about morals? I am not religious so I am not interested in using that as an avenue. Does anyone have experience with one parent being dishonest and one who is not? I am not perfect but I do know the difference between right and wrong. Any guidance or suggestions are truly appreciated!
by on Sep. 8, 2013 at 8:18 PM
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by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 8:57 AM

Hi! So sorry to hear  your story! Children learn behaviors from others around them. Sadly, if your ex is a lier, your son is learning this behavior from him. Sociopaths, if in fact he is, are manipulative and have a great impact on the children. I too am divorced from a manipulative man he also is a blatant lier. I would recommend first that you always set precidence in your own home and never lie. Do yourself a favor and never use the Dad as a tool to change behavior. I would not say "your Dad does not like it when you lie". Pick up the book 1-2-3 magic. Pretty simple to follow and try to see if you can regain some respect from your child. Also, I know you do not believe in anything religious and I felt the same way at one point in my life but when kids believe that someone else other than you is holding them accountable for their actions, you would be surprised how far this can go! Kinda like santa clause at Christmas! I hope this helps you and you are right it is an uphill battle but everything worth anything in life is!!!!!!!!!!! You can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by Gold Member on Sep. 9, 2013 at 9:03 AM

group hug

by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 10:07 AM
I have had these issues with my kids. My oldest DD became extremely angry, lied, broke things, disrespectful.
I got her into play therapy and call on help from school counsellor. She did group therapy one day a week at school and play therapy one day a week after school. A year later she was so much better. This adjustment is so very traumatic for them. It was costly but really as necessary as groceries - and helped her adjust so much. Ironically now that my youngest is about the same age as the older was when we divorced, she has begun the same things. Fixated on the divorce, anger and breaking things. Our first appointment is today. It's not the answer to everything, but they need this short time to help them adjust
by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 9:26 PM
Children do learn by example and usually if dad does it, they think it's ok for them. They also lie for attention and to keep from getting in trouble. Unfortunately, if dad really is a bi-polar sociopath, there's a chance ds inherited it, but that doesn't mean you can't intervene and get him the help he needs now, before it becomes a big issue for him. You need to get a good child psychologist and have him evaluated. If he is bi-polar, it can be controlled through behavioral therapy and possibly meds. The sociopathic tendencies are more complex and need more aggressive therapeutic treatment. Odds are good it's not a serious problem and can be easily fixed. Regardless of what's causing his behavior, it's definitely not too late to intervene, but I would suggest you get on top of it now.
by Silver Member on Sep. 9, 2013 at 9:47 PM
Eek. That's hard. I broke ds from lying by lying to him. Stupid stuff, but eventually he got the picture... then again, I didn't have to deal with anyone else.

I'd try to have a long talk with him about trust. Take away some of the trust you have in him. I can trust my son to brush his teeth, floss, etc... but that's be the first thing to go if he started lying to me- I'd follow him everywhere, basically piggybacking him and saying I gotta do this since I can't trust you because you lied to me. When you earn the trust, then I won't be up your booty all the time...

But like another said, he could've inherited that and if that's the case, I doubt my method would work.
by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 11:00 AM

I agree with the other posters - get any self-help books and then try and seek therapy for your son.  I had no idea that bipolar disorder and socipath disorder are heriditary.  My ex suffers from this sickness and we have a daughter.  Best thing about what's going on right now is that my ex has decided to stay out of her life and she's living with me and readjusting to a new life without her father.  I do, however, worry about how she thinks and feels about men in general.  Nothing is worse then knowing your own father is mentally ill.

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