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Not Sure What To Think

Posted by on Sep. 13, 2013 at 10:01 AM
  • 39 Replies

As some of you know, I've been dating this guy for a few weeks.  We met on-line (Match.com).  I wanted to see if he was being 'active' on his account.  Low and behold he has been in the past 24 hours.  I'm not sure what to think.  Has he been pursuing other women while interested in me?  Is he not all that into me?  Does he not realize that I can see his activity?  I haven't even been interested in viewing any of the other guys that have been interested in me in the past two weeks.  I wouldn't pursue any of them at all while I'm seeing this guy.  So, what does that mean?  He's been checking his account while seeing me.  I'm hurt and not sure how to approach this subject with him.  I want to be exclusive and I thought he did, too. 

Any advice?

by on Sep. 13, 2013 at 10:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
woodstock525
by on Sep. 13, 2013 at 10:06 AM
1 mom liked this

Did you ever think that maybe he is checking to see if you're still active on match.com?  Then again, you've only been dating a few weeks.  At this point in the game, I would suggest sitting down and having a conversation with him and being up front and honest.  Take the bull by the horns and ask him where he sees this relationship going, if he wants to be exclusive or if he's still looking for other people to date and just wants to be friends.  What do you have to lose?  I don't think I'd tip your hand just yet to let him know that you saw that he's been active on match.com.  All he might do then is create a new profile with a different email address and you'd be back to square one. 

steviechick
by Gold Member on Sep. 13, 2013 at 10:11 AM

How do I approach the subject?  Just come out and say I need to know how you really feel? 

woodstock525
by on Sep. 13, 2013 at 10:22 AM

When I started dating again, my partner and I met online and would chat that way.  We came up with a game that we called "20 Questions" that we still use from time to time like when we're driving on a longer road trip.  It's a no holds bared, talk about anything, truth or dare kind of thing.  We both realized that we were tired of being lied to and cheated on and that if we couldn't be friends first and talk about anything that the relationship really wouldn't be going anywhere and would be a waste of our time. 

The questions could be as simple as what's your favorite food, color, dessert, ice cream flavor, vacation spot...etc.  Or it could be your favorite intimate position and why; if you could change xyz, how would you change it and why; where do you see our relationship going or what would make this relationship better for you?  See what I mean?  When we started doing this via chat, it allowed it to be a bit more impersonal so that we felt comfortable asking anything...then we transitioned to doing it face-to-face.  Even after we got into a relationship, we would sometimes go to separate rooms on our laptops and chat that way. 

steviechick
by Gold Member on Sep. 13, 2013 at 10:39 AM

I like the idea of trying to open my guy.  He said he was an 'open book'.  We chat every night mostly text.  The last time we were together he got a little bit overzealous with me and I had to slow him down.  Not sure if it was the wine or just his mere desire.  On my way home he called me and chatted about the evening and then texted me the next day.  We talk about his kids mostly and how proud he is of them.  He talked just the other day of how much he put of his time into raising his kids.  We talked about doing all kinds of things for future dates.  I'm getting mixed signals now that I see he's been on-line.  I really don't know what he's thinking without asking him.  I hate to see this relationship fizzle because I'm not giving in to his desires.  If he only wanted me for that why did he continue to text me every night after that and not bring up sex or anything uncomfortable.  He's already told me where he lives.  I'm really confused as to what to think.  I don't  want to be cheated on.  Been there and done that with the ex.  He has no idea of what my ex did to me and I don't want to scare him into thinking I'm now questioning his behavior behind my back.  We have only just started to date.  Maybe he's not that into me after all.  I really hate this feeling because I like this guy a lot.

easinpc
by Gold Member on Sep. 13, 2013 at 11:12 AM

That is never a fun conversation to have, been there done that before!  But for your own sake of mind I would just bring it up with him.  This is a conversation to have in person, not via phone/text as to many things can be taken the wrong way if you can't read their body language.  I would just bring up that you are really enjoying where things have been going the past two weeks and are hoping it develops into something more.  Ask him his thoughts on it and if he would be interested in seeing you and only you because if that was the case you were going to deactivate your profile on the site you met on.  Before you did so though you were wanting to know his opinion on it to make sure you two were on the same page. 

steviechick
by Gold Member on Sep. 13, 2013 at 12:04 PM

I like the idea of approaching my account in general.  I only paid for three months and it will be deactivated by October 1st.  IF my guy truly wanted to be with me and me only he would prove that by continuing to date me.  If he started to make things up about where he spends his time I would be moreso worried.  

I got to thinking about this even more and perhaps my guy told his kids about me and they wanted to see my profile - hence his log-in.  My guy has opened up a lot about himself and his kids.  To the point where he mentions the things he's done for his kids when they were little as he had sole custody of them.  Things about his everyday life - about an upcoming ski trip to MI that he wants me to go on with him.  If I was just someone that he wanted to have sex with he wouldn't be opening up so much to me.  I hate, hate, hate this feeling in my stomach about the uncertainty of that log-in.  I don't want to jump to conclusions and without actually talking to him about our relationship in general I have to wait between now and the next time he's in town to talk to him.   


Quoting easinpc:

That is never a fun conversation to have, been there done that before!  But for your own sake of mind I would just bring it up with him.  This is a conversation to have in person, not via phone/text as to many things can be taken the wrong way if you can't read their body language.  I would just bring up that you are really enjoying where things have been going the past two weeks and are hoping it develops into something more.  Ask him his thoughts on it and if he would be interested in seeing you and only you because if that was the case you were going to deactivate your profile on the site you met on.  Before you did so though you were wanting to know his opinion on it to make sure you two were on the same page. 


 

mz23
by Bronze Member on Sep. 13, 2013 at 12:14 PM
You've only been dating a few weeks. Maybe he didnt know you wanted to be exclusive. Just go about asking him...so are you dating or talking to anyone else?
steviechick
by Gold Member on Sep. 13, 2013 at 12:18 PM

I'm not into dating several men at one time.  I started to date this guy hoping we could hit it off.  So far I thought he felt the same way I did.  We have made plans to date even more, so basically, yes he knew I wanted to be exclusive with him. 


Quoting mz23:

You've only been dating a few weeks. Maybe he didnt know you wanted to be exclusive. Just go about asking him...so are you dating or talking to anyone else?


 

deltathree
by Gold Member on Sep. 13, 2013 at 12:32 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree - just ask him how he feels about you.  Say how you'd like to be exclusive.  GL!

Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Sep. 13, 2013 at 1:18 PM


Have you come right out and had a specific conversation about how you are dating each other exclusively? Just because you may have mentioned in passing that you only date one guy at a time in no way guarantees that the guy has a clear understanding that you and he are in an exclusive, monogamous relationship, especially if you've only been dating a few weeks and haven't had a specific conversation.

Quoting steviechick:

I'm not into dating several men at one time.  I started to date this guy hoping we could hit it off.  So far I thought he felt the same way I did.  We have made plans to date even more, so basically, yes he knew I wanted to be exclusive with him. 


Quoting mz23:

You've only been dating a few weeks. Maybe he didnt know you wanted to be exclusive. Just go about asking him...so are you dating or talking to anyone else?





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