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Need to Vent..And advice

Posted by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 11:30 AM
  • 14 Replies

Hello! My name is Amber. I haven't properly introduced myself yet but I will. I just created my account and I have something running through my head that I need to get out.

I am a single mother of three kids. All girls; 4 yrs, 3 yrs, and almost 5 months old. 

My ex and I share custody of the oldest girls. I have full custody of the youngest. With being without a job, and car really hurts. I'm not able to see my 2 oldest but maybe once or twice a month. It sucks, I'm trying to get myself together. But its hard, especially when I don't have much help. My mom does babysit while I get my GED. she also takes me food shopping. I am living with my uncle and aunt. So, I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful for everything I do have but everybody who I know are having a hard time even taking care of themselves. And I'm practically alone with most of it. Defiantly with the emotional part of it.

Im having a hard time with my oldest 2. I know my ex does not discipline. He's defiantly a push over. 

When I get them, they are Sooo hyper. They don't listen to me, AT ALL. No matter what I do. It seems like they are always doing something. Kind of like  2 year old. One thing after another. But my kids are no longer 2. Casey will be going to school next year, she could this year, to pre-school, that is. I think that school could help with some of her behavior but I'm afraid it wont. I've seen kids who just wouldnt listen in school.

Carley [3] just don't listen. she also has a hard time speaking up when she wants something, like a drink. She will cry and sometimes throws a fit, although her fits have calmed down.

Casey [4] is getting mean, and just disobedient. She also don't listen. She's very rough when she plays. She hits, pushes, and kicks other kids. She also screams and yells at them and also takes from them. I dont think my ex is teaching her anything. When she doesnt listen to what i say, alot of times I have to get physical and make her do it. But when I do, she slaps my hands away, starts ylling and screaming at me. Im not sure what to do. 

I just got the girls yesterday. My borther was here. Casey kept saying that she doesnt want him here, and to go home. My brother wasnt doing anything. Casey started to get mean, playing super rough, started yelling at him, and started hitting. I was watching the whole time. I had to put her in tme out, just a couple hours after she got here. I hate doing that because of the fact that I dont get them much. I dont want them to be punished the whole time they are here. But, I have too. I cant just let them get away with it. 


I hope I can get them back very soon. So, that I can work on them. They defiantly need something; something different than what my ex is doing. . (which is probably NOTHING)

I have to get my crap together. Its taking longer than I wanted it too. 



by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 11:30 AM
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Replies (1-10):
BeckBeck1004
by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 1:28 PM

Hey Girlie....I'm sorry for what your going thru. I bet you feel so frustrated and helpless. How is your relationship with your ex? Are you two civil with each other? Or are you two at each others throat all the time?

nikicb3
by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 2:42 PM

kind of back and forth

BeckBeck1004
by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 2:50 PM

I think you two should work out your difference for your daughters and learn to co-parent. You have help teach him how to deal with your girls when they are with him because the end result is that it's effecting them. I'm sure he'll say its not his fault but just keep being the other person and bring it back to the fact that this is for the good of the girls. Co-parenting is difficult but you two should be at least on the same page about the girls. Being raised the right way despite the the difference between you two is more important. Work as a team at least for them.

BeckBeck1004
by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 2:52 PM

I'm sorry I meant to say "bigger person" not other person....I have my son tuggin at me right now :/

krisnkids
by Gold Member on Sep. 14, 2013 at 2:57 PM
2 moms liked this

My suggestions are not going to be sugar coated.

First, stop blaming your ex for your children's behavior. Not sure how long you have been separated from him, but since the youngest is only 5 months I'm thinking not very long. You were there to raise them, you laid the foundation. 

Second, kids get put in time out, do not feel guilty because she was already in time out after being there for a few hoursl. Kid does something wrong, they get a warning, they repeat the behavior its time out. Done, end of story.

Third, my guess is that they are also probably mad at you, in their minds you abandoned them. I have no idea what the situation is, but for a 3 and 4 year old girl whose mom raised them to all of a sudden they live with dad but their younger sister lives with mom? "Mom loves 5mo more than she loves me". 

Solutions? Stick to your guns, stick to your rules, enforce them even if you are 'the meanest mom in the whole world'. When they get to your house, go to the park, go for a walk, get outside, its still nice out. Let them burn off some energy. Do fun things with them, if they don't like your brother, don't have him around when they come to visit. If he is there they see him as taking time away from them. 

amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Sep. 14, 2013 at 3:03 PM

Welcome!

I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time.  Have you tried talking with their father to see what he's doing with regard to discipline, etc?  Casey's behavior is definitely unacceptable but understandable given the circumstances.  It seems to me that she's really crying out for some mom attention.  Can you work it out so that you can see the girls more often?  Maybe dad can help with that.


nikicb3
by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 3:17 PM



Quoting amonkeymom:

Welcome!

I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time.  Have you tried talking with their father to see what he's doing with regard to discipline, etc?  Casey's behavior is definitely unacceptable but understandable given the circumstances.  It seems to me that she's really crying out for some mom attention.  Can you work it out so that you can see the girls more often?  Maybe dad can help with that.

I've tried. He wants me to pay one way trip. Because i don't have a car. Im on TANF, I get $300 a month and $100 goes to my uncle for living here. Then I have Lilly to take care of, gotta pay my transportation for GED classes etc etc. I dont get enough cash at all.

Which I understand paying one way. I just dont have the cash to do it all the time.

Also, I dont think my aunt and uncle really like them here too much. They have there own 2 year old. With the way Casey is, they are always fighting. He is also pretty mean, and disobedient. 

So, its actually a pretty stressful time. 


amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Sep. 14, 2013 at 3:35 PM

hugs

Quoting nikicb3:



Quoting amonkeymom:

Welcome!

I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time.  Have you tried talking with their father to see what he's doing with regard to discipline, etc?  Casey's behavior is definitely unacceptable but understandable given the circumstances.  It seems to me that she's really crying out for some mom attention.  Can you work it out so that you can see the girls more often?  Maybe dad can help with that.

I've tried. He wants me to pay one way trip. Because i don't have a car. Im on TANF, I get $300 a month and $100 goes to my uncle for living here. Then I have Lilly to take care of, gotta pay my transportation for GED classes etc etc. I dont get enough cash at all.

Which I understand paying one way. I just dont have the cash to do it all the time.

Also, I dont think my aunt and uncle really like them here too much. They have there own 2 year old. With the way Casey is, they are always fighting. He is also pretty mean, and disobedient. 

So, its actually a pretty stressful time. 



LauraMH
by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 10:07 PM
It sounds like a rough situation right now. I'm sorry for that. However, it sounds like you are trying to better the situation by getting your GED. I think I have to agree with some of the other mammas and tell you that you need to stick to our guns. You need to continue to be consistent and discipline. Don't feel bad about it either. It sounds like what they need honestly. I do not agree with you getting physical with Casey though. I believe being physical undermines everything else you do.
You need to see if its possible to work with your ex when it comes to visitation and discipline. Don't play the blame game but work together to do what is best for the girls.
Good luck and know as long as you continue to better yourself and your life, you will not be in this situation forever.
LifeCafe42
by Nora on Sep. 15, 2013 at 10:27 AM
Welcome to the group. With the older two all you can do is lay out your expectations and follow through. When you don't have them full time or even half it's hard to change behavior
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