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need to vent.

Posted by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 5:17 PM
  • 11 Replies

I previously posted that my bf is in jail.  I visit him 3 times a week as allowed.  Despite him being on drugs up until shit hit the fan - he did give me all of his money.  (However, at times he was stealing some of it back, I was still used to having extra income)  Now I'm obviously down to my own.  On top of that I go on maternity leave in 2 weeks and will only get 60% of my regular pay for 2 months.  Money has been a major stressor with trying to prepare for everything.  I get really angry at him because of the situation he's put me in.  I know they do not feed them enough in jail.  I try to order him some extra soups so he's not going hungry.  He knows this is difficult for me and I told him I don't know if I will be able to keep it up.  His actual charges are misdameanor that do not carry a long sentence, but he violated probation.  He will probably be released from jail sometime in November.

Someone in the jail is leaving and wants to sell their things for 10$.  Thermal, sweats, extra tshirts.  Yes its a good deal.  I know he's complained its cold there from day 1.  10$ is not a lot.  But still WTF!  if he wanted to live comfortably he shouldn't have fucked up.  I complain to him about my stress with money all the time.  If he were going to be there a LONG time... sure I could see him needing these extra things.  But he can't stick it out for a month and a half - 2 months?  I just feel like he's not really thinking about me and the baby.  How can be he when he knows Im struggling and has the nerve to ask me to help him with this shit.  He told me he's tryhing to get a job there so I don't have to worry about ordering him anything anymore.  Still... I drove home and just felt myself getting more and more pissed.


by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 5:17 PM
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Replies (1-10):
woodstock525
by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 8:28 PM

I think you need to set priorities for you and the baby rather than him.  He certainly didn't put you and the baby first when he got himself into this situation.  Jail isn't meant to be cushy.  If he wants money in there, then he can either get himself a job in there or his family can pony up some money.  Keep your money for yourself. 

LauraMH
by Bronze Member on Sep. 14, 2013 at 9:37 PM
Been there done that. Exh was in jail 2x and pulled the same shit. Then he got out and kept using me. Take care of yourself and your baby. You didn't put him there, his actions did. Don't take responsibility for them. If you give in be will know that he can keep doing this. Tell him you don't have them money and leave it at that.
Christenrenee
by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 10:46 PM
1 mom liked this

I pretty much decided I'm not doing it.  If he were going to be in there for a long time I prob would so he wouldnt have to go through the winter cold.  But, I feel like he can survive til November.  I told him to write his mom a letter and ask her to help him with ish.  He was denied a job because he injured his neck working out, but he should have that cleared up ina  week or so.

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Sep. 15, 2013 at 10:24 AM
I agree

Quoting woodstock525:

I think you need to set priorities for you and the baby rather than him.  He certainly didn't put you and the baby first when he got himself into this situation.  Jail isn't meant to be cushy.  If he wants money in there, then he can either get himself a job in there or his family can pony up some money.  Keep your money for yourself. 

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cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Sep. 16, 2013 at 8:45 AM
You need to focus on making sure you have everything for you and the baby. He put himself in the situation to get arrested. Plus if he's miserable enough maybe he'll get it together so he won't go back again.
easinpc
by Gold Member on Sep. 16, 2013 at 9:01 AM
1 mom liked this

group hug

hayliedlr
by JoAnna on Sep. 16, 2013 at 12:11 PM

I agree

Quoting woodstock525:

I think you need to set priorities for you and the baby rather than him.  He certainly didn't put you and the baby first when he got himself into this situation.  Jail isn't meant to be cushy.  If he wants money in there, then he can either get himself a job in there or his family can pony up some money.  Keep your money for yourself. 


labrax
by Member on Sep. 20, 2013 at 2:58 PM

Well, considering that when he was with you, he gave you ALL his money and was supportive, I would say give him the $10. Maybe, he'll learn his lesson and avoid drugs but the real deal for me here is that he is generally supportive.

it's your choice, after all, but I think that jail life is hard and a different world entirely and if someone where good to me, I will try to pay back. You have been exceptional under the circumstances you described. However, like i said before, it's your choice.

Christenrenee
by on Sep. 20, 2013 at 3:28 PM

Once shit hit the fan he did a lot of shitty things that put us in a bad place financially.  Add in the fact that I'm all alone now to fix everything - I don't feel like I owe him anything.  This is his baby too.  BUT I do feel aside from his drug problem that he's a good person.  Thats why I order him extra soups & whatnot.  I got upset because I feel like I'm already going out of my way to afford these extras for him.  Now he's asking for even more though I told him how hard things are for me. I had to put my foot down.  I compromised with him and told him I would order the 10$ worth of stuff, but it was coming out of his next 2 food orders.  I let him choose. 

His aunt contact me though and is going to help with his food orders.

Quoting labrax:

Well, considering that when he was with you, he gave you ALL his money and was supportive, I would say give him the $10. Maybe, he'll learn his lesson and avoid drugs but the real deal for me here is that he is generally supportive.

it's your choice, after all, but I think that jail life is hard and a different world entirely and if someone where good to me, I will try to pay back. You have been exceptional under the circumstances you described. However, like i said before, it's your choice.


labrax
by Member on Sep. 21, 2013 at 4:28 AM
1 mom liked this



Quoting Christenrenee:

Once shit hit the fan he did a lot of shitty things that put us in a bad place financially.  Add in the fact that I'm all alone now to fix everything - I don't feel like I owe him anything.  This is his baby too.  BUT I do feel aside from his drug problem that he's a good person.  Thats why I order him extra soups & whatnot.  I got upset because I feel like I'm already going out of my way to afford these extras for him.  Now he's asking for even more though I told him how hard things are for me. I had to put my foot down.  I compromised with him and told him I would order the 10$ worth of stuff, but it was coming out of his next 2 food orders.  I let him choose. 

His aunt contact me though and is going to help with his food orders.

Quoting labrax:

Well, considering that when he was with you, he gave you ALL his money and was supportive, I would say give him the $10. Maybe, he'll learn his lesson and avoid drugs but the real deal for me here is that he is generally supportive.

it's your choice, after all, but I think that jail life is hard and a different world entirely and if someone where good to me, I will try to pay back. You have been exceptional under the circumstances you described. However, like i said before, it's your choice.


That was smart and kind of you. I can understand how tough it is for you now. Hang in there and use your head like you are doing. You'll be fine. hugs


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