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bio dad upset because I didnt let him see our son: am I right?

Posted by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 9:42 AM
  • 14 Replies

Bio dad texted me on Sat morning and he said he was going to be visiting him but late, around 10 pm and that even if my son was in bed, he wanted to give him a hug.

I agreed as we have an open door visting arrangement and bio dad tragically lost his sister a week ago.

he confirmed aa the day went by and said 10 pm.

then at 10:30,, no show, no text so I texted him and  I told him that I was going to bed and I ending my text saying good nite. To me that meant do not come over.

1107 he texted saying "I am coming over anyway,  will be there in 20 m". I didnt answer

11:30 pm the phone started ringing. 5 calls.I didn't want to answer as it was really late.

he left a message saying "I am in your area".

He lives 60 miles aay by the way.

then he texted quite angry words.

it sounds to me as if he was in my area for other reasons and then he wanted to come over.but he should have understood I was not going to answer the door.

yes, bad communication from each side

but does he have any grounds to get upset? now he obviosuly says eh will never try again to see his son and that he at least tried

it has been february since he saw him.my son is 2btw

by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 9:42 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Baby5678
by Member on Sep. 22, 2013 at 9:45 AM

Yep you're right

virginiamama71
by Carrie on Sep. 22, 2013 at 9:45 AM

 Even if it was bad communication atleast he did show up.

NatureGodess
by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 9:48 AM
1 mom liked this
You are well within your rights to say no. Hes lucky you said yes to the ten pm time. Whats wrong with visiting your son at normal hours. Sounds like he couldve been possibly creeping with someone on your side of town and decide oh what the heck let me see my son while im here.
ballerossandra
by Member on Sep. 22, 2013 at 9:58 AM
1 mom liked this

 that's my assumption too and the rebel in my didn't want to open the door as I was thinking" oh my child is not the reason why you are coming"


Quoting NatureGodess:

You are well within your rights to say no. Hes lucky you said yes to the ten pm time. Whats wrong with visiting your son at normal hours. Sounds like he couldve been possibly creeping with someone on your side of town and decide oh what the heck let me see my son while im here.


 

ballerossandra
by Member on Sep. 22, 2013 at 10:01 AM

 

yes, an hour and 40 minutes later.I would not mind if my son wakes up and I have to put him back in bed later but when dad sees him quite often or is there for other thigs. he is not there for anything and I am not going to add stress to my sleeping schedule because dad was partying near us and after it ended he wanted to come over.he could have come before whatever else he had going on.but i also fear that him coming that late was a way of trying to see if he could sleep with me

Quoting virginiamama71:

 Even if it was bad communication atleast he did show up.


 

virginiamama71
by Carrie on Sep. 22, 2013 at 10:11 AM
If he does not see or help you with your son, and If you do not trust him with his words and actions than cut off all communication with him. He is 60 miles away has not seen his son in almost a year and says he is not going to bother with trying to see him again after last night, than let him go and stop contact. He will either grow away or realize he needs to grow up and be a father to his son but do not keep talking to him about what is he going to do or should do, he is old enough to already know.
Quoting ballerossandra:

 

yes, an hour and 40 minutes later.I would not mind if my son wakes up and I have to put him back in bed later but when dad sees him quite often or is there for other thigs. he is not there for anything and I am not going to add stress to my sleeping schedule because dad was partying near us and after it ended he wanted to come over.he could have come before whatever else he had going on.but i also fear that him coming that late was a way of trying to see if he could sleep with me

Quoting virginiamama71:

 Even if it was bad communication atleast he did show up.


 

ballerossandra
by Member on Sep. 22, 2013 at 10:21 AM

 you are so right and honestly, it has been a long time since I told him what I wanted to see from him. He probably already knows and I don't invest time and energy talking to him about what he should do.

The only thing that bothers me is when there is a problem like last night and he may get upset. Most of the times he realizes he was wrong but it takes him a month or so .

back in May he got upset because he was asking me to drive to his city with my son that he could see him but he was ONLY free for 30 minutes.I told him that I was not going to put my son in a car and drive 120 miles to just hang out for 30 m.He got upset as well.If he had told me at least an hour, then I would have considered it


Quoting virginiamama71:

If he does not see or help you with your son, and If you do not trust him with his words and actions than cut off all communication with him. He is 60 miles away has not seen his son in almost a year and says he is not going to bother with trying to see him again after last night, than let him go and stop contact. He will either grow away or realize he needs to grow up and be a father to his son but do not keep talking to him about what is he going to do or should do, he is old enough to already know.
Quoting ballerossandra:

 

yes, an hour and 40 minutes later.I would not mind if my son wakes up and I have to put him back in bed later but when dad sees him quite often or is there for other thigs. he is not there for anything and I am not going to add stress to my sleeping schedule because dad was partying near us and after it ended he wanted to come over.he could have come before whatever else he had going on.but i also fear that him coming that late was a way of trying to see if he could sleep with me

Quoting virginiamama71:

 Even if it was bad communication atleast he did show up.

 

 


 

virginiamama71
by Carrie on Sep. 22, 2013 at 10:25 AM
Even if he contacts you in a month and says he was wrong, than he will try the same thing all over again. Someone like that has issues they need to take care in order for them to be what they should be. And sadly these people never change their ways. It is better to not be in contact with him, focus on taking care of yourself and your son. He will drain you if you keep it up with him.
Quoting ballerossandra:

 you are so right and honestly, it has been a long time since I told him what I wanted to see from him. He probably already knows and I don't invest time and energy talking to him about what he should do.

The only thing that bothers me is when there is a problem like last night and he may get upset. Most of the times he realizes he was wrong but it takes him a month or so .

back in May he got upset because he was asking me to drive to his city with my son that he could see him but he was ONLY free for 30 minutes.I told him that I was not going to put my son in a car and drive 120 miles to just hang out for 30 m.He got upset as well.If he had told me at least an hour, then I would have considered it


Quoting virginiamama71:

If he does not see or help you with your son, and If you do not trust him with his words and actions than cut off all communication with him. He is 60 miles away has not seen his son in almost a year and says he is not going to bother with trying to see him again after last night, than let him go and stop contact. He will either grow away or realize he needs to grow up and be a father to his son but do not keep talking to him about what is he going to do or should do, he is old enough to already know.
Quoting ballerossandra:

 

yes, an hour and 40 minutes later.I would not mind if my son wakes up and I have to put him back in bed later but when dad sees him quite often or is there for other thigs. he is not there for anything and I am not going to add stress to my sleeping schedule because dad was partying near us and after it ended he wanted to come over.he could have come before whatever else he had going on.but i also fear that him coming that late was a way of trying to see if he could sleep with me

Quoting virginiamama71:

 Even if it was bad communication atleast he did show up.

 

 


 

kerriclub
by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 11:06 AM

No you aren't wrong. 1. The time was waaaay too late for a 2 year old. 2. Sounds like he was in the area. 3. He couldve picked an earlier time....or set up another day so he can spend time with him not just give hima hug. What good does a damn hug do!

ballerossandra
by Member on Sep. 22, 2013 at 11:14 AM

 

well my assumption is that he wanted to "hug" me

Quoting kerriclub:

No you aren't wrong. 1. The time was waaaay too late for a 2 year old. 2. Sounds like he was in the area. 3. He couldve picked an earlier time....or set up another day so he can spend time with him not just give hima hug. What good does a damn hug do!


 

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