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when do i say when?

Posted by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 7:11 PM
  • 24 Replies

the father of my daughters used to be around all the time, and slowly but surely he's been coming around the girls less and less and right now it's been 16 days since he's made any effort to see them. our girls are 17 months and 5 weeks. i want to coparent because although we aren't together i want my daughters to have both parents, but he obviously doesn't care as much as i do... how do i know when to just cut off all access of him seeing them because they deserve to have a full time father, not a part time dad...help!

by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 7:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Robsessed98
by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 7:36 PM
16 days isn't that long considering standard visitation is every other weekend...
mestelle0711
by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 7:41 PM

 

i feel like because we have a newborn he should be around more, and he literally has NO obligations so i also feel like he should be around more because he has nothing else to do...no job, no commitments, no nothing...so he should be spending more time with his kids

Quoting Robsessed98:

16 days isn't that long considering standard visitation is every other weekend...


 

Robsessed98
by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 7:55 PM
I definitely understand that, but if you had court ordered visits, odds are it would be every other weekend unless y'all agreed to more. So, even though it may not feel like it, he's been seeing them more than most dads.

Quoting mestelle0711:

 


i feel like because we have a newborn he should be around more, and he literally has NO obligations so i also feel like he should be around more because he has nothing else to do...no job, no commitments, no nothing...so he should be spending more time with his kids


Quoting Robsessed98:

16 days isn't that long considering standard visitation is every other weekend...



 

mestelle0711
by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 7:58 PM

 that makes me sad...i know he just comes and goes when he pleases because he can, but i think that's a horrible example for the girls and i'm hoping if we go to mediationa nd get court ordered visitation it will make him want to see them more and put in more effort.. is it wrong of me to think that and possibly do it just to try to get him to be around his girls more?


Quoting Robsessed98:

I definitely understand that, but if you had court ordered visits, odds are it would be every other weekend unless y'all agreed to more. So, even though it may not feel like it, he's been seeing them more than most dads.

Quoting mestelle0711:

 


i feel like because we have a newborn he should be around more, and he literally has NO obligations so i also feel like he should be around more because he has nothing else to do...no job, no commitments, no nothing...so he should be spending more time with his kids


Quoting Robsessed98:

16 days isn't that long considering standard visitation is every other weekend...

 


 


 

cjsmom1
by Platinum Member on Sep. 22, 2013 at 8:01 PM

I agree with the pp that 16 days really isn't that long. Ideally he'd see his kids all the time, but you can't make him be there. I wouldn't cut him off until after no visiting.

mestelle0711
by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 8:03 PM

 how long of no visiting?


Quoting cjsmom1:

I agree with the pp that 16 days really isn't that long. Ideally he'd see his kids all the time, but you can't make him be there. I wouldn't cut him off until after no visiting.


 

cjsmom1
by Platinum Member on Sep. 22, 2013 at 8:03 PM

A court ordered visitation schedule can't force him to be there. Imo a court order is only necessary when two parents can't agree as to how often the non custodial parent should be allowed to take the kids. If he doesn't want to be there nothing you do can force him to be there.

Quoting mestelle0711:

 that makes me sad...i know he just comes and goes when he pleases because he can, but i think that's a horrible example for the girls and i'm hoping if we go to mediationa nd get court ordered visitation it will make him want to see them more and put in more effort.. is it wrong of me to think that and possibly do it just to try to get him to be around his girls more?

cjsmom1
by Platinum Member on Sep. 22, 2013 at 8:04 PM

Sorry in my mind I finished that sentence. Probably more then 6 months of no visiting.

Quoting mestelle0711:

 how long of no visiting?


Quoting cjsmom1:

I agree with the pp that 16 days really isn't that long. Ideally he'd see his kids all the time, but you can't make him be there. I wouldn't cut him off until after no visiting.





mestelle0711
by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 8:05 PM

 

six months?! i feel like that's way too long. if i were to wait that long our newborn won't even be aware that she has a father...

Quoting cjsmom1:

Sorry in my mind I finished that sentence. Probably more then 6 months of no visiting.

Quoting mestelle0711:

 how long of no visiting?

 

Quoting cjsmom1:

I agree with the pp that 16 days really isn't that long. Ideally he'd see his kids all the time, but you can't make him be there. I wouldn't cut him off until after no visiting.

 

 

 

 


 

cjsmom1
by Platinum Member on Sep. 22, 2013 at 8:08 PM

In the end you have to do what you feel is best. At this age I don't think 6 months is a huge issue before not giving him any more chances. They can easily adjust to daddy being around, while an older kid has to deal with the hurt of why daddy didn't show up.

Quoting mestelle0711:

six months?! i feel like that's way too long. if i were to wait that long our newborn won't even be aware that she has a father...


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