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the father of my daughters used to be around all the time, and slowly but surely he's been coming around the girls less and less and right now it's been 16 days since he's made any effort to see them. our girls are 17 months and 5 weeks. i want to coparent because although we aren't together i want my daughters to have both parents, but he obviously doesn't care as much as i do... how do i know when to just cut off all access of him seeing them because they deserve to have a full time father, not a part time!

by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 7:11 PM
Replies (21-24):
by on Sep. 23, 2013 at 3:48 PM
1 mom liked this

The sad part is that unless he goes for a long period of time with no contact and you can get an abandonment judgment, then you really don't have an option of "cutting him off" no matter how infrequently he visits. If he wants, and gets a court order, he will be allowed to pretty much come and go as he pleases. I totally understand what you're saying about cutting him off because the girls need a full-time daddy but unfortunately the law does not see it that way. Where I live, my ex isn't even required to pay child support to continue visitation (I can go after him for child support under the court order but if he doesn't pay, he still has a right to visitation). The system is just so messed up.

My advice is just to be the best mommy you can be. Be mommy and daddy. Your girls will need it. You can't control the way he parents, only the way you parent. And eventually the girls will come to understand his shortcomings as a father and they will need you to lean on when they realize it. Be strong momma. You're their rock.

by on Sep. 23, 2013 at 5:49 PM

 ya csnt force him to be there...all you can do is hope..and even then, that doesnt do much if hes not interested

by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 10:42 AM
Sweety don't stress over just a few days. If it bothers you this much talk to him about it. If he has the free time maybe he wouldn't mind seeing the kids more.
by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 2:48 PM

Speaking as someone who went through this with my son from the time he was a baby, your kids aren't going to notice or feel that they are missing out on his visits unless you teach them that they are. 
As parents, we feel the failure and become angry with the other parent more than the kids ever do.

I've had several deep conversations with my adult son and when I was feeling bad about his dad not visiting and made a big deal about it to and in front of him, that's the only time that he felt slighted.  Other than that, as a kid he never really noticed the passage of time without contact from his dad.  That was just his normal and trust me, he turned out fine.  His dad has tried since he became an adult to have even limited contact with him and he wants nothing to do with his dad.  It's sad, but that's the way it is. 

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