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The child and family investigator...

Posted by on Sep. 25, 2013 at 9:16 AM
  • 19 Replies

Assigned to my custody case has filed her report.  I got a copy of it yesterdy.  Her findings were that my allegations of domestic violence were CREDIBLE.  His denyal of the abuse and alligations of my neglect of the children are NOT credible.

She feels that he uses the children constantly in an attempt to control me and because he is angry that I seperated from him. That the children and I both exhibit the behaviors of domestic violence survivors.

She also pointed out that I am doing my best to creat a stable enviornment for the children where they learn repsonsibility, respect and selfreliance. This is all dispite the efforts of my ex to sabotage the relationship with my children.

She also feels my boyfriend is doing his best to create a relationship with my boys while doing it on their terms. She acknowledged that my ex is trying to use the children to hinder our relationship by making dispariaging remarks about myself and my boyfriend.  Again, focusing on our past relationship and his anger that it ended, and NOT focusing on the children.

She recomends that he get the children only 3 weekends a month and every other holiday.  If there is a 5th weekend in the month...I get them.  She is also making him pick the kids up from school on the fridays he is supposed to have them and drop them off at school that following Monday so I have NO CONTACT with his (YES!!!)

Oh and is wages are being garnished for child support

So....

If the judge goes with her recomendations, which I really really hope he does. Then the last 3 years of fighting, of the name calling, of the hoops he has made me hump thru to provide for my children, the documentation, organizing, saving texts have all been worth it.

I really wanted the system to show him that he can't use the people around him because he is nothing more than a crybaby little bitch!  :D

by on Sep. 25, 2013 at 9:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
woodstock525
by on Sep. 25, 2013 at 9:54 AM

Congrats!  Though with all of this that the investigator has confirmed, I am very surprised that they recommended three out of four weekends in a month.  It would seem to be more appropriate for there to be EOW visits.

Jenn8604
by Gold Member on Sep. 25, 2013 at 9:59 AM
That's awesome! I agree w pp tho, 3 of 4 weekends when they show signs of domestic violence survivors? Id honestly be finding a lawyer and asking for 1 weekend IF HE HAS TO HAVE THEM and some intense counseling for him.
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steviechick
by on Sep. 25, 2013 at 11:01 AM

Yes, I would question the findings of the EOW.  Domestic violence should have been a huge red flag for any visitation.  I would question that with your atty and see if you can change the visitation days.

SexyDiva19
by Alexis on Sep. 25, 2013 at 11:04 AM
Congrats!! Was he actually harming them or just you?
lnrmom
by on Sep. 25, 2013 at 11:07 AM
1 mom liked this

Congratulations!!!

hayliedlr
by JoAnna on Sep. 25, 2013 at 11:42 AM
1 mom liked this

Congrats!!

LauraMH
by on Sep. 25, 2013 at 11:47 AM
1 mom liked this

Wow!! That's amazing! I sure wish that the investigator took more time with my kids to see the same thing is happening. It sounds like you got a very good one that knew what she was looking for and how to see past the manipulation and deception of an abuser.

Congratulations again!

v2011
by on Sep. 25, 2013 at 11:52 AM

I know....  When we first went before the judge he gave him visitation 4 days out of the week durning the summer and every weekend durning the school year.

 I went to a consult with a lawyer, I could not afford to hire him, and I was told unless I have really good proof that he would pysically abuse the kids then I should be really careful pushing to take the kids completely away from him (we are in a 50/50 state).  So when I spoke to the CFI I stressed my concerns, acknowledged the love my boys have for their dad, and asked if his parenting time could be reduced.  Her recomendation is to reduce it from what it was.

Their father also has to be evaluated by a therapist who is expeirenced in counseling domestic violence perpetrators.  I could not prove physical abuse on the boys and they would not admit to it because they are manipulated by their father.  Honestly, I left right after he got physical with my son.  Most of it was with me behind closed doors.  


Quoting Jenn8604:

That's awesome! I agree w pp tho, 3 of 4 weekends when they show signs of domestic violence survivors? Id honestly be finding a lawyer and asking for 1 weekend IF HE HAS TO HAVE THEM and some intense counseling for him.



v2011
by on Sep. 25, 2013 at 12:33 PM


The abuse was mostly with me and mostly emotional...control, not allowed to work, make friends, belittle me in front of the kids, saying I was a bad mom, encouraging the boys to do the same.  He would belittle the boys, make them cry, we could never have a peaceful moment.  The physical stuff was always with me, not usually in front of the boys.  I think that was part of my denyal, he rarely does it in front of them, they don't see it, you know?  Then he completely went after my oldest son. I had to fight him off with a baseball bat to keep him from hurting my boy.  That's when I opened my eyes and left. I knew if I stayed he would physically abuse them too. 

Quoting SexyDiva19:

Congrats!! Was he actually harming them or just you?



v2011
by on Sep. 25, 2013 at 12:41 PM

I didn't have an attny.  Not enough money. 

The problem was proving the domestic violence.  I never called the police.  He never flat out beat me, it was like the constant threat of a beating.  He would push and shove, he strangled me a couple of times and punched me in the stomach.  I felt if I EVER called the police he would kill me.  It was like walking on eggshells thru 90% of the relationship. 

The court acts like it wasn't that bad if I didn't call the police. 


Quoting steviechick:

Yes, I would question the findings of the EOW.  Domestic violence should have been a huge red flag for any visitation.  I would question that with your atty and see if you can change the visitation days.



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