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I hate all men...and I don't know how to stop.

Posted by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 10:45 AM
  • 24 Replies

My soon to be ex-husband was a very sneaky, evil, dishonest person. I had been with him since I was 17, married at 18, and just now divorcing at my age of 28. (And in retrospective, I should have known he was a creep.) He is now 51, in jail, and hopefully dies. Soon. There was child pornography pretty much everywhere: computer, phone, SD cards, etc.


He made me doubt everything. So many times I go back in my mind and think, oh...so THATS why he wanted to do these things. I was so scared that he had harmed my boys, and I still want to kill him. (Thank God, my boys are okay, and are actully doing well since that prick is gone) I will never put my boys, or myself in that situation again. I will never be with, or trust, another person in my life.


Therapy ISNT helping, and I don't know what to do. I feel so angry at him, still, and I'm tired of it. I want to put it in my past, but I don't know how. I feel such hatred towards him, and all the men I come into contact with (ie work or whatever). 


Any ideas on what I can do to not be so pissed off?

by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 10:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
hnye77
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 10:50 AM
1 mom liked this

Wow, this is a tough one. I think you need to focus on you and your boys and not worry about it for a while (maybe a long while).  You're only 28 and have plenty of time so do things that make you happy and just wait.  You WILL meet someone that is worthy of your trust and that you can trust in return. JUst don't force it and son't rush it.... Good luck momma 

sharon6345
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 10:52 AM

I feel so bad for you and wish I culd really tell you how I feel. I can't being you might not understand what I am saying. I will say this much it's not going to get better till you realize you have to make positive changes in your life. Hating someone you allowed to be in your life and treat you the way he did is not helping you at all. take the love of those boys and hold on to it and realize not all men are like this. you had plenty or reasons to leave and you chose to stay. so your to blame as well. you can let go of some of that hurt by asking for help where ever you feel safe doing it. pray about it and ask for ease in your heart and come here like you did for this. 


The reason I know things will get better is because I lived my own struggle and it was hard for me but,I made the best choice for em when I left and filed for my freedom. your in the best place for help and someone son will come along and sweep you off your feet. I did not trust or anything and it all went away and a wonderful man came and changed my life. take care. 

virginiamama71
by Carrie on Sep. 26, 2013 at 10:54 AM

 How long have you been in therapy?

steviechick
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 10:59 AM
2 moms liked this

You need to stick with therapy.  It is the best medicine for you.  Having gone through a rough patch like this you can't deal with this alone.  Try and go back and have the therapist help you.  Walking away now will only makes thing worse for you.  If you aren't happy with this therapist find a new one.  BUT STICK WITH IT.  I say this because I've gone through a very rough marriage with my ex.  Found out he was on porn sites and fathered two kids behind my back with a co-worker.  Talking to someone with a medical background truly helped me cope with all the madness my ex put me through. 

deltathree
by Gold Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:36 AM

Some therapists help - some not.  I say it takes time.  focus on raising your kids.  Take time to heal in general.  It will come.  Hugs.

Dawnie-marie
by Dawn on Sep. 27, 2013 at 7:18 AM

You just have to learn to trust again darls, I divorced my ex because he threatened to rape my son when he turns 10. I have just tried to learn to trust again, but I find that it is so hard to trust men around my boys. Just give it time.

celticdragon77
by on Sep. 27, 2013 at 9:48 AM
1 mom liked this

My feelings are on a lesser degree than that, but I feel similar. I am distrusting of people in general and do not have respect for most men. I just don't think that will ever change for the most part. I do some volunteer work and meet some cool people that I respect there - that isn't most people - but it helps to know there are a few. 

I refuse to think or speak on how I feel for the most part. Kids can pick up on all kinds of little things.

I just vowed to stay a single mom and focus on making myself a better person.

I also focus on raising really good kids and helping my son be a man that I can be proud of. 

hugs

cjsmom1
by Platinum Member on Sep. 27, 2013 at 10:06 AM

I think it takes time to get past things your ex did to you.

RJC78
by Member on Sep. 27, 2013 at 10:33 AM

Keep going to therapy, even if you need to change therapists.  The right therapist will be good for you and help.  Until then, focus on your kids and what is under your own roof.  Get right with that, and work towards maiking yourself happy.  The rest will come in time. 

easinpc
by Gold Member on Sep. 27, 2013 at 10:51 AM

 I agree with this.  You may need to try a few therapist before you find the right one for you. 


Quoting steviechick:

You need to stick with therapy.  It is the best medicine for you.  Having gone through a rough patch like this you can't deal with this alone.  Try and go back and have the therapist help you.  Walking away now will only makes thing worse for you.  If you aren't happy with this therapist find a new one.  BUT STICK WITH IT.  I say this because I've gone through a very rough marriage with my ex.  Found out he was on porn sites and fathered two kids behind my back with a co-worker.  Talking to someone with a medical background truly helped me cope with all the madness my ex put me through. 


 

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