Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

custody & breastfeeding question!!

Posted by on Sep. 29, 2013 at 1:25 AM
  • 18 Replies
My dd's dad & I just split & after 8 weeks of her being here has now decided he wants her overnights & for a few days that he wants 50/50.. He says he can get a judge too make me!!! But I don't think so... He can't do that, right??
by on Sep. 29, 2013 at 1:25 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Chunkymunkey922
by on Sep. 29, 2013 at 1:26 AM
I dont think he can while you are nursing.
yessie.xo
by Member on Sep. 29, 2013 at 1:28 AM
I didn't think so either! & she is ebf!!


Quoting Chunkymunkey922:

I dont think he can while you are nursing.

conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Sep. 29, 2013 at 1:31 AM
Yes he can. Judges have been known to tell mom to pump. EBF is no longer a valid reason to keep Dad out of child's life equally
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Jennyanne322
by Bronze Member on Sep. 29, 2013 at 1:32 AM
They make pumps and freezer bags. Get to pumping or your child will be on formula because of it. It will look worse in the judges eyes if you prevent him from having his child.
yessie.xo
by Member on Sep. 29, 2013 at 1:34 AM
Even tho she's only been with me not him? He's never wanted too spend time with her before...


Quoting conniejo75:

Yes he can. Judges have been known to tell mom to pump. EBF is no longer a valid reason to keep Dad out of child's life equally

yessie.xo
by Member on Sep. 29, 2013 at 1:36 AM
But I'm not keeping her from him. I've told him he can see her whenever he wants just no overnights... Thinking of my DD she would screa. The whole time she always does. I would think a judge would look at who has been the one caring for her as well..


Quoting Jennyanne322:

They make pumps and freezer bags. Get to pumping or your child will be on formula because of it. It will look worse in the judges eyes if you prevent him from having his child.

conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Sep. 29, 2013 at 1:41 AM
He is Dad... she needs time to get used to him. My kids were 18months & 3 months when we split. Dad had EOWE fri to sun and 4 hours on tues and thurs after work


Quoting yessie.xo:

But I'm not keeping her from him. I've told him he can see her whenever he wants just no overnights... Thinking of my DD she would screa. The whole time she always does. I would think a judge would look at who has been the one caring for her as well..




Quoting Jennyanne322:

They make pumps and freezer bags. Get to pumping or your child will be on formula because of it. It will look worse in the judges eyes if you prevent him from having his child.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
krisnkids
by Gold Member on Sep. 29, 2013 at 7:48 AM
Yes a judge can do that. However, first he has to file for visitation rights, establish paternity if he isn't legally dad yet and go to court. This whole process does not happen overnight. But you need to prepare for it to happen in the future.
yessie.xo
by Member on Sep. 29, 2013 at 9:53 AM
Its not like I'm saying he can't see her... But I honestly feel so scared for her too be there without me... He's not ever even taken care of her for an hour let alone nights or a few days!!


Quoting krisnkids:

Yes a judge can do that. However, first he has to file for visitation rights, establish paternity if he isn't legally dad yet and go to court. This whole process does not happen overnight. But you need to prepare for it to happen in the future.

pedritosmama
by Member on Sep. 29, 2013 at 12:16 PM

Okay, you need to listen to me because I have a lot of experience with this.

1.)  Before we go on, is your DD's dad the legal father...meaning did he sign the BC, or get a DNA test?  Also, what state are you in?

2.)  If he is the legal father, or whenever he becomes the legal father, yes, he is correct.  The judge can order 50/50.  Will the judge order 50/50?  No one can say for sure.

3.)  My ex got overnights of my baby starting when the child was 2 weeks old.  However, we were still married at the time (separated), and it was only one 18-hour overnight per week. 

4.)  You better get acquainted with your pump.  I am still breastfeeding my 10-month old, despite sharing custody with my ex.  Our final custody order is 63/37.  Meaning I get 20 days/month and he gets 10 days/month (not in a row).

****Advice*****
If I were you, I would:
A)  Get a lawyer.  Don't care if you can't afford it.  You can't afford not to have a lawyer.  Take out a loan.  Cash advance place.  Apply for legal aid if you state has it.  Get a lawyer.
B)  Ask for a graduated visitation schedule that starts off small, then graduates to your state's standard visitation (which is EOW in most states)
C)  The judge can order you to pump or use formula for Dad's visits. The judge cannot order you to stop breastfeeding b/c that's your body and your choice.  However, if you want to keep breastfeeding, it's up to you to keep up the pumping to maintain your supply.  It can be done.  Like I said, I am still breastfeeding, despite always sharing custody with my ex.

The advantage of split custody situations are that you get some "me-time," which is something a lot of new moms don't get.  Take advantage of it.  Do things for yourself.

If you have any other questions, feel free to ask me.  I know quite a bit about breastfeeding and custody situations.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN