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Single Moms Single Moms

Feeling like a bad mommy... Advice please

Posted by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 12:56 AM
  • 14 Replies

My son is 9 months old. Even though I was with his father for a few it is like I have been a single mom since he was born. I do not get time to myself and have only had one night away from him since he was born and that was only so I could get ready to go out of town for class so it really wasn't a break. I have been really stressed with the recent separation from my ex and the frustrations of being a SAHM and with my baby 24/7 is getting to me. I don't really have anyone here who I can leave him with to get a break. As a result I have found myself having mixed thoughts about my son. I love him with all my heart and would do anything for him, but this mommy needs a break.

How do you guys regroup and keep your sanity with being single moms?

by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 12:56 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Shy_Dia
by Silver Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 12:58 AM
Do you have family who can babysit for a while?

Or join single parenting groups- you can trade off on babysitting duties.

Without the help of my family, I would've gone crazy lol
Quartz99
by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 1:06 AM

Unfortunately my family is untrusting of me right now as they believe I will get back with my ex so I do not get much help from them. I do live with my parents, but their view is that I am the mommy and I am the one who needs to take care of him at all times.


Quoting Shy_Dia:

Do you have family who can babysit for a while?

Or join single parenting groups- you can trade off on babysitting duties.

Without the help of my family, I would've gone crazy lol



JDMom112
by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 1:40 AM
1 mom liked this

 It's not your baby. Its your environment and the lack of help you have. Put it together quickly in your mind and then you might end up pointing fingers at a 9 month old baby who has no idea. In my case I get no break either so I sucked it up and told myself my kids are safest with me and they belong with their mom, that instilled confidence and a routine with the kiddos and I feel like a mamma bear ready to fight anyone who tries to take the kids overnight, i know quite the opposite of you (but there's personal reason for not allowing them over to stay). I've also allowed my mind to accept that I am their light of love and hope. For some relax time......after baby's asleep just have half a glass of wine and chat with a relative or friend on the phone. He will be in dependant soon enough and you will miss this time. I know I do with my eldest at 8 now.

happymommy1105
by Gold Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 1:09 PM

I'm struggling with that right now. 

I have 2 kids.  A 7 year old, who is homeschooled, and a 10 month old. We currently live with my boyfriend but we are leaving.  The kids don't know it yet but my boyfriend does know that I am leaving him. 

Boyfriend NEVER gives me a break.  He NEVER takes care of the kids hell he doesn't hardly take care of himself. He NEVER does anything but the bare mininium and I am left to do everything else. 

I am tired and worn out.  I am over nonsense and do want to deal with anything else for a while but it seems like it never ends.  I am sick of my 7 year old's over reaction to everything and my 10 month old's tantrums when it's not exactly what he wants.  I need a break.  Boyfriend does not see this at all. 

I wish I had advice for you.

another-shoe
by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 1:51 PM
3 moms liked this

There's going to be a day when you want back every single one of those days with your baby.  

Try this:  Wake up fresh and say, this child is my first priortiy, and I'm going to be his best friend today and see what he is really like.  Is he learning to walk?  how can I set up a safe place for him to stand and hold on and try a few safe steps.  Make it a huge project to rearrange things so the little guy can learn to walk and hold -- he's going to have you laughing in no time.  

Your child is learning language:  speak clearly with few words in a normal conversational tone.  Take notes.  You'll have sooo much fun interacting with your little boy that the other stuff is going to fade.  

Then you'll have something that can NEVER be duplicated - this time with your son.  

Misha1204
by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 9:39 PM
With them acting that way, they're missing out on being grandparents.

Quoting Quartz99:

Unfortunately my family is untrusting of me right now as they believe I will get back with my ex so I do not get much help from them. I do live with my parents, but their view is that I am the mommy and I am the one who needs to take care of him at all times.



Quoting Shy_Dia:

Do you have family who can babysit for a while?



Or join single parenting groups- you can trade off on babysitting duties.



Without the help of my family, I would've gone crazy lol




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Quartz99
by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 10:47 PM

Sounds like some of the same stuff I went through with my ex. He never helped with ds and always complained that I did nothing all day even though I have been a SAHM. He was convinced that it only takes a total of maybe 45 minutes a day to take care of a newborn... I wish you the best of luck and hopefully we both can get past this challenging time and find those little moments with our kids that makes all of it worth it. I am trying to stay positive but mommy needs a break and has gotten frustrated. I hate being upset with my baby cuz I know it isn't his fault and he generally tries to be happy but he is picking up on my mood which is making things hard for both of us.


Quoting happymommy1105:

I'm struggling with that right now. 

I have 2 kids.  A 7 year old, who is homeschooled, and a 10 month old. We currently live with my boyfriend but we are leaving.  The kids don't know it yet but my boyfriend does know that I am leaving him. 

Boyfriend NEVER gives me a break.  He NEVER takes care of the kids hell he doesn't hardly take care of himself. He NEVER does anything but the bare mininium and I am left to do everything else. 

I am tired and worn out.  I am over nonsense and do want to deal with anything else for a while but it seems like it never ends.  I am sick of my 7 year old's over reaction to everything and my 10 month old's tantrums when it's not exactly what he wants.  I need a break.  Boyfriend does not see this at all. 

I wish I had advice for you.



austenheroine
by Member on Oct. 1, 2013 at 4:33 AM

Oh sweetheart, I am so sorry.

Before I was a single mom, I was a military wife. My ex husband was gone for two deployments to Iraq for the first two years of my child's life. I TOTALLY GET what you are saying here.

Here are some quick ideas, if you already haven't heard them:

1) Look around online at local church web sites to see if they have "mom's day out." This is a great thing, because the nursery workers are usually wonderful old grandmother types. If you can't afford a sitter for some "me time," call the church, explain your situation, and ask when the next "mom's day out" is scheduled. Usually they ask for a small voluntary donation, but not always. Even if it's just $5, it is so worth it.

2) If you have other mom friends, make arrangements to swap afternoons where you take care of their kids and they take care of yours. Same concept as "mom's day out," except you are relying on people you call friends.

3) Baby Einstein DVDs. I know people will crucify me for saying this, but my kid absolutely loved them. I would put him in his bungee cord bouncy, plug in the Mozart or Beethoven DVD, and he would be SO HAPPY. I would use that time to hang out in a recliner with a great magazine, do my nails, talk on the phone, because he was equally as happy as I was.

4) The last thing, if you can afford it, is get a Kindle and then download books from Amazon on it. The reason I say Kindle is that they sort of pay for themselves ... you can get SO many books at SUCH CHEAPER RATES than at traditional bookstores. When your baby is finally out, whip that Kindle out and escape into your favorite adventure.

We're here for you! I know it's tough, but you sound lovely, and you are NOT a bad mom. If you were a bad mom, you wouldn't even ask this question. Only good moms care about having balance, because we know deep down that we need that balance so that we can give our children the love and attention they deserve.

Hugs.

brittybby2010
by Bronze Member on Oct. 2, 2013 at 1:56 AM

Trust me momma, Im in almost the same spot as you. 10 month old dd. I rarely get a break. What I do is take time when she's asleep and shower. A loooong hot shower, baby monitor close by, and I let the hot water hit my back. 

Take the time when he's asleep. Trust me, you'll miss this. I miss when dd was a newborn and would wake every 2 hours. I miss when she was itty bitty. And I know I'll miss these days.

Quartz99
by on Oct. 2, 2013 at 2:25 AM

Thank you for the advice ladies. This was mostly me venting. I am trying to find the positives in everything and seeing the little moments I will remeber 50 years from now. Having my little many run up to me in his walker and grab my shorts because he wanted to cuddle made my day today. I know times can be tough and since he is only almost 10 months old things will get more challenging from time to time but some times it helps to talk things out and have others in similar situations remind you of what you really have. !0 months ago I was looking at having a tiny baby under 4 pounds (got lucky and he was born weighing 4 pounds 2 ounces 17.25 inches). I know he and any baby can be a handfull and as single moms we can get tired and frustrated but what we have really is a blessing. I love my son and wouldn't trave him for anything. When I was 28 weeks pregnant with him I was so concerned because I was diagnosed with IUGR. December 4th I was diagnosed with HELP syndrom and had to be sent to a larger pediatric hospital to be induced even though I had started having contractions at 30 weeks. He was born and taken into the NICU and I couldn't hold him for those first couple days. I was devistated that he was so tiny and helpless as he was having his issues (minor looking back at them now but seemed major to me at the time). Some times I just have to remind myself how bad I wanted all of this and how lucky I am to have it knowing there are many women and men out there who want a baby so bad and can't.

Thank you again for your support through my venting and frustration.

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