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Not Sure What's Going On

Posted by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 9:37 AM
  • 10 Replies

My bf and I went a little further into our relationship then I thought we would on Saturday night.  We got phyiscal.  We both wanted it.  It happened and felt good at the same time.  Then I saw another side to him after that.   We went to a sports bar to watch some football games.  He got upset that his football team lost and took it out on me.  He said that I don't appreciate his teams and he dislikes mine.  He said that its hard to watch the same games when he doesn't want to cheer on my teams.  He was being a total jackass about this.  At least to me.  I know some guys get irritated when their teams lose.  I even get that way.  But, I would never take out my frustrations on the guy I'm dating because of it.  We went back to his place to talk things over.  He then brought up the distance that we live between us (an hour drive).  He said that he liked me very much and wanted to be with me still.  He finally came out and told me why he was on-line  on when I saw him.   I never did ask him.  He simply brought it up.  He said that he was e-mailing this other woman but that he wasn't interested in her after two e-mails.  That he liked me instead and still does.  He said that I was over analyzing the football score and his need to watch his teams with his friends.  That if we were to watch football together we would have to watch the ones he likes as he thinks I won't appreicate his teams.  I tried to reason with him and that I wanted to learn more about his teams.  That I loved football and it didn't matter who was playing.  We both have our favoriate teams.  I felt like I was getting annoyed.  It was midnight and I was getting tired.  He kissed me goodbye and said that I was over analyzing everything.  Then he hugged me and I drove off.  He didn't call me yesterday.  I'm not calling him.  He has shown another side to him that I'm not sure of.  Red flags?  Perhaps.  We have only been dating for a month.  If it's meant to be then it is.  He has to be wiling to man up and apologize.  If he doesn't then I'm done.  Sucks to find someone that I like then be hit with this. 

Anyone dating someone right now?  Are you going through similiar things?  Any word of advise would be helpful.  I'm hurting today.

by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 9:37 AM
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by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 11:07 AM

I think that from what you're sharing, you've already come to the conclusion that as much as you'd love to have a relationship/be in a relationship, this guy just isn't the one for you.  You can't make a relationship work without both parties being invested. 

by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 11:31 AM

I think I do over analzye things sometimes.  I was thining about what happened all day yesterday.  I even spoke to my daughter about it.  She said she understood how he felt.  She has a male friend that got upset with her about a team she likes and he doesn't.  He didn't speak to her for three days.  He was that mad.  Stupid thing to get upset over since it's just sports.  But, some men do take their sports seriously. 

I started to think about the relationship in general.  Am I a 'girlfriend'?  Are we in a committed relationship?  He's already introduced me to his kids and to his friends.  I even met his DIL's cousin yesterday as he showed me where some land is that his son owns.   He's opened up to me about his kids and has said some personal things about his son that he wouldn't just tell someone he didn't care about and wanted to know more about  his kids.  He adores his kids.  They are his life and have been ever since they were born.  He literally raised them their lives and continues to be in their lives on a daily basis.  I'm new to the picture.  He's not dated in quite some time.  He's been a bachelor for years.  I wonder if I am over analyzing what happened on Saturday too much.  If I'm taking it all out context.  He did say that he wanted to continue to see me and that he would see me this Sunday.  He was also willing to drive down to see as I drive up to see him.  An hour drive to see each other is a committment that I'm willing to take as well. 

All I can do is wait and see if he is interested in me.  No phone call for the rest of the week and I don't hear from him by Sunday then I'll probably know he's just not that much into me.  He's already asked me to go on a trip with him next month to see his son in Oxford, MS.  He did this a week ago.  I guess time will tell if our relationship was meant to be.  I'm not bending over backwards to call or text him.  He has to be the interested party in order for this to truly work.  I still think that we can come to an agreement on football.  We both are passionate about the game.


by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 11:47 AM

I think you're taking a healthy approach.  One of my sil was severly burned in her marriage.  The ex dumped her right after her 40th birthday for a 23 yo who had a 2 yo at home.  He's now remarried to the young chick.

She was so bitter and hurt and angry that she didn't want anything to do with men for a while.  Her entire focus was on their two kids who were in hs at the time.  I mean she got so overly immeshed with her kids that I still think she is too involved and they are 21 and 22 now. 

Anyway, she finally started seeing a guy who is about 7-8 years older than she is.  Eventually, they moved in together.  He's been divorced/single for years and hadn't been in a ltr for years either; he was up front from the beginning that he never planned to remarry.  She moved in with him more out of financial necessity and because she wanted to be in a relationship and believed that she could get him to marry her. 

His kids don't visit much and he's a part of their lives, but not overly involved.  It's been difficult for him with her kids and her kid's dog running in and out of their home for the past 5-6 years.  In addition, over the past two years, sil 'got religion'.  She joined this fundamentalist christian church that requires you to go through classes and then be voted into the church at which point you not only are required to tithe 10%, but have service obligations to the church as well.  They don't approve of her living with bf and so all of a sudden, she's been miserable in the relationship and basically giving him the ultimatum that they need to get married or split.  She's now looking for another place to stay...except that she can't afford to buy a place as she'd like to...and no apt that she can afford is available that will allow her to let her kids stay there whenever they want to and let their big dog stay there as well.  So, they are at an impasse in their relationship.

Just something to think about....he almost sounds a lot like sil's bf.

by Group Admin on Sep. 30, 2013 at 6:58 PM
I didn't realize sports were that serious. He needs to understand that you can like different teams and still be together. My friends love different teams and it's a funny rivalry in their house, especially during baseball season.
He may have just been really mad and took his frustration out on you. Give him space like you have been and see what happens.
by Bronze Member on Oct. 1, 2013 at 11:42 AM
I don't watch sports but I do remember my brother and one of his gfs liking different teams. They ribbed each other all the time and made silly bets. They enjoyed the fact that they both loved the same sports and could talk and watch together. I hope things become clearer for you soon!
by Gold Member on Oct. 1, 2013 at 1:26 PM

I'm sorry to hear that!  Honestly when I found out that he had lied to me I would have ended it there.  I don't tolerate lying and in my eyes if he was willing to lie about something like that I'd always wonder what else he was lying about. 

by on Oct. 5, 2013 at 2:24 AM
I'd keep an eye on it, but honestly (& I'm not defending his actions bc he was wrong), some men take this sport shit way too serious and personal. I know several women that have bfs like that (personally I don't watch sports). Maybe you should avoid watching games together for now until you see if the behavior shows up in other areas? Hope not, bc I'm enjoying hearing you be happy :)
by on Oct. 5, 2013 at 4:16 PM
I think you could do better. Hes showing psychopathic tendencies ; ) if your not sure what to do then keep seeing him but be very aware of any more red flags.
by on Oct. 5, 2013 at 11:20 PM
I went through a very similar thing recently and it only got worse. He became more annoying and negative to the point he disliked my son and I broke up with him after spending the weekend together with both of our kids. It's not worth it. He's giving you big red flags. Guys who are dicks about petty things are a big no for me.
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by on Oct. 6, 2013 at 8:17 AM

From what I read in your response to the post, I think you're making excuses for him. It's okay for a person to have a favorite team but to act the way he did is just ridiculous and childish imo. You like the teams you like and it shouldn't be a matter of only watching the teams that he likes. He's being an asshole over something that isn't that serious. Was the distance an issue before the two of you got physical? There are serious red flags but for whatever reason you're trying to ignore them.   

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