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My ex has PTSD and depression...and we are going to court for custody in a week! Please, advice!

Posted by on Oct. 4, 2013 at 12:17 PM
  • 5 Replies

Ok, heres the deal. I waited for my husband to get home from afghanistan for almost a year. When he got home we got married. He abused me verbally and also had breakdowns. He would slam himself on the floor and just bawl his eyes out and hold his head when he got mad....things like that. He was diagnosed with PTSD at the VA. Hes unstable. Hes also had depression since he was 12, threatened to take a knife to himself, but didnt. All because he couldnt go hunting and skip a day of school. Alright, after we got married thats when it started getting crazy. He would blam me for not working hard enough, not being a good wife, not cleaning up the house right....etc. I was pregnant at the time and VERY sick. I was puking all the time. He got mad once because i left CRUMBS on the counter that were hardly even noticable! We were going to counseling. Trust me, I've tried. He wouldnt touch my stomach at all when i was pregnant and he told me that all i can comprehend is the baby. What is that?!

Anyways, long story very short, he kicked me out when i was about six months pregnant. I moved back to my parents. He got the divorce papers already, even though just  like two weeks ago he was talking to me about working things out. but get this, then he tells me that he thinks its best if we just wait to talk about getting back together until we are done with the child support and the custody sit down with our lawyers. He said he believes we should wait because the sit downs with our lawyers are only going to get us mad at eachother and he thinks its best to wait until after. Tell me ladies, does that make sense to you???

He told me that he believes we just needed to get away from eachother for awhile. (with him having PTSD and me being pregnant and sick and crying because he wouldnt even show me much effection at all. We barely kissed, we didnt even sleep in the same bed at night and we were married! This was all right after he got home from overseas.) Now, he said he wants to wait to work it out. Hes giving me the run around it seems. Im a strong woman, and trust me, I would be there for my husband in a heartbeat. I did marry the man, I mean, that says a lot..

anyways now we are going for custody in a week and I'm so nervous. One reason being his PTSD and depression and hes also on nightmare medication from the VA. And another reason is becasue I just found out that we moved away (out of state.) to OHIO. Please give me your advice ladies. What would you say for custody? I have my lawyer and we are going through everything 3 days before our sit down, but i dont want to miss anything.

by on Oct. 4, 2013 at 12:17 PM
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by on Oct. 4, 2013 at 2:59 PM

A couple of questions...just to clarify.  Are you still pregnant?  If not, how old is the baby and what has been his experience with the baby?  In most cases, divorce, custody and the like cannot be established until the baby is born.  Did he file for divorce or did you?  What state are you residing in and do you have residency to file for divorce there?  What is his home of record (ie, where does he file his taxes) for the purposes of filing divorce? If he filed and you and the child do not reside where he filed, you can refile where you live as long as you have established residency there. 

All that said, given what you have shared, I would be concerned not only for your safety, but for the safety of the child given his PTSD.  Has the VA/military provided him with enough assistance to deal with his issues?  You can request supervised visits given his issues, though you may have to have the courts request information regarding his dx and tx. 

by Platinum Member on Oct. 4, 2013 at 3:37 PM

I would request that his medical records be taken into consideration when determining custody.

by Group Admin on Oct. 4, 2013 at 11:34 PM

How old is the baby? Who moved you or him?

by on Oct. 5, 2013 at 11:25 AM

I am not pregnant anymore. She is alittle over 6 weeks old now. He moved out of state to Ohio and I live in PA. I moved out and moved to my parents only after he wouldnt work things out with me and told me that he can find someone who can deal with his PTSD a lot better then me. Even though i literally did everything to try and help him and to try and keep us going strong. He filed for divorce already, i am just waiting for the papers in the mail. I now am living back at my parents house. As far as the VA, he goes once a week. No, that is NOT enough for his depression and his PTSD. You say one thing wrong to this man, and he instantly gets mad. I have had him over on saturdays since she was born, he brings his family with him. Anyways, I let him see her. He is good with her. I mean i know that he loves her and all. However when she cries I have seen him hand her off to his grandma or his mom. He also has trouble changing poopy diapers.

Its sad because I wish he was better. I wish i can keep my family together. It is what it is right now though.  He needs to get the help that he needs. Maybe one day it will get better for all three of us. As for right now, I just am so worried about him having her over nights. Thats what my lawyer and I are fighting. He would loose it when she cries. I went to college for sociology, I studied up on all of this before.....I know this is a dangerous disease to have a baby around. God, I just want him to get the help he needs and for him to give me a paper stating that he is able to care for her on his own....idk something from his counselor at the VA or something. When I was going to counseling with him before he didnt want to work it out and I moved back home, she said it would take him a good year to a year and a half to even begin to start getting better. I mean, not only does his PTSD play a huge role in this.....but hes also had depression issues since he was 12.

They went away. He never showed me any sign of them when we got together....and then BAM! Just like that, right after we got married........thats when all the signs came out.

by on Oct. 5, 2013 at 1:36 PM

You need to get an attorney to look at which state really has jurisdiction and can process the divorce based on where you are a resident and where he is a resident.  Keep in mind that if the divorce goes through the Ohio courts, the case will stay there even when the military sends him elsewhere and you remain in PA or move somewhere else.  That is one thing.

The jurisdiction, I believe (and you need to check this with an attorney where you live) is where the child resides.  So, if the child was born and lives in PA, then I believe that PA would be the state to have jurisdiction over custody and such.  You need to get to court asap and get at least a temporary custody and child support order established where you live.  Do not wait to possibly get served by him.  He may be bluffing.

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