How do I get my BF (live-in) to discipline the way I do?
I'm at a crossroads in my relationship and life.
I have been a single mother almost since the day my son was born (10years). The few men I had dated, never really interfered with how I raise my son. My son is a very well disciplined child and extremely polite and well natured. I have always been complimented on how well behaved my son is. And I have always had a great relationship with him.
In the last year, my BF has moved in with us and almost from day 1 wanted to have a say in how the house was run and how my son is to be disciplined. I am in no way a "soft" mom, I expect a lot from my son in how he acts and behaves at home, school, anywhere. My BF basically thinks I'm too nice and let my son get away with not doing things. Since moving in, my son has been given chores (my BF's idea but one that I am fully on board with) and is held to a higher standard than what I normally would hold him to. My BF has been good about showing my son how to do the things he is now responsible for (ie, clean his room, put dishes and put away his clothes). But there is almost no room for mistakes and I feel that he is too hard on him. He is only 10 years old and will not do things the way an adult would do, even if you show them 10 times. My BF thinks that because he is 10 he should know better and there are no excuses for making a mistake. My BF will yell at him and get upset if my son makes mistakes and it has gotten to the point that I can no longer deal with this. My son is starting to show signs of depression. He thinks that he is a bad kid because he is always getting in trouble. There is rarely a day where my BF is happy with my son. Now to be fair, my son has also started the bad habit of lying to us about things. I have also gotten upset with my son and have grounded him when I have caught him lying. The relationship between the 2 has dramatically changed. It went from them hanging out and playing Bey Blades together and having nicknames and inside jokes to a relationship that is filled with resentment and anger. My BF is always accusing my son of lying or complaining about him to me.
I was away this past weekend due to work so my son stayed at the house with my BF. I came back Sunday night and was talking to my son about how it's going to be a new week and that he is off punishment now and just about everything in general. My son tells me that when he was going to the mailbox to check the mail on Saturday, he thought about running away! He told me that he had the house key in his pocket and that he thought that him running away would make my life easier because he wouldn't be making mistakes anymore. Naturally, this broke my heart and has me extremely concerned.
How do you compromise on discipline with your SO when you feel they are too demanding? How do you bring up this topic when your SO is very difficult to talk to about things, especially when they feel they are always right? Is the relationship even worth it if my son is suffering emotionally? Is there a way to fix this without causing further emotional harm to my son or is the relationship doomed?