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My ex wants visitation

Posted by on Oct. 7, 2013 at 5:50 PM
  • 10 Replies

My ex is wanting to have our son at least for a day for visitation. He has a girlfriend i found out about in feburary and wants our son to be in there new apartment. Our son is 5years old i told him no that if he wanted to see him and have a day with him i was all for it but not in his new apartment with his new woman. My son knows about her and says to me that daddy has a girlfriend and my ex would always lie to him and tell him no until one day my son saw her for himself. am i wrong for setting specific area for him to spend the day with our son if my son has told me he doesnt even want to speak to him over the phone because he says his daddy has a new girlfriend. I dont want to push my son into a situation he obviously not ready for and my ex does not want to visit him by going with me and him somewhere.... i am so lost i just want to do whats best for my son.. when i was pregnant i never expected to be a single mother but i feel my son is not ready to meet any woman yet it hasnt even been a 6 months since He saw her...

by on Oct. 7, 2013 at 5:50 PM
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by on Oct. 7, 2013 at 7:42 PM
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Has he had visitation in the past? Why are you so against it? I'm sorry to be so blunt, but unless he is abusive, neglectful or endangers the child, there's no reason to not let him spend time with his own son without you. Having a gf is no reason to deny him access. Unless I'm totally misreading what you said, you're being selfish and denying visitation for yourself, not for your son's best interest.
by on Oct. 7, 2013 at 7:56 PM
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You don't really have any control over who your ex-husband introduces your son to unless there is a safety reason. On the flip side, do you want your ex having a say in who you spend time with? I would be afraid of a court petition at this point, because your ex is completely within his legal rights to take you to court for joint custody.
by Platinum Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 9:36 PM
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I'm sorry, but if your son's father has a visitation agreement, you cannot tell him where he can have visitation (unless it's going to affect your son's safety).

Your ex has moved on, but that doesn't mean it's fair to punish him for it.  Or to punish your son by not allowing him to see his daddy for reasons he doesn't understand.

by on Oct. 7, 2013 at 10:07 PM

Your sons father has a right to unonstructed time with his son, and you do not get to choose who he does or doesnt introduce his son to.  The most you migt get is a CO stating no overnight guests of the opposite sex when he has the child, but its very hard to enforce. 

You need to accept that your ex has a new gf and not play control games with your son.

by on Oct. 8, 2013 at 9:47 AM
he has 2 other kids that are older everybody from his own mother and his exes have told me that they would let his other son visit when he would live with his parents b4 we got together and all his family have said he would leave his son with his mother and leave with his buddies he is an alcoholic and irresponsible he is barely getting his older son now that he is 15 because his mother wouldnt allow him to be with him alone he would only stay when he was with me before we had our son. i realized also it was my ego that was interferring or was it really in my sons best interest i was acting on...a little history also we have no court order or child support in effect he pays me very little a week for the simple fact that i didnt want him to go to jail he has 3 warrants against him. also i figured if he was in jail that would be less that my son would get to be with him. i prayed about it and last night i did bring it up to my son that his dad wanted to see him at his new apartment but without mommy that it was okay cuz momma and dad are friends and he wanted to spend time with him he was intrigued about the idea and then we tried calling him cuz he wanted to talk to him and he gets disappointed cuz he didnt answer our it was back to the drawing board his dad leaves to work out of town like for 3 weeks so i have around that much time to convince my son that its okay with mommy for him to spend alone time with daddy.
by on Oct. 8, 2013 at 10:05 AM

Is the father on the birth certificate and what are the laws in your state in regard to who has custody?  If his name is on the birth certificate and depending on the laws in your state, if you let your son go for a visit and dad decides to not give him back, you could have to go to court to get him back.  If I were you, I would suggest at least getting a custody order in place if not child support.

by on Oct. 8, 2013 at 4:41 PM
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While I really don't understand all the dynamics of your ex's involvement in your son's life, I do think it would be important for you to consider what type of environment your son may be exposed to. You mention his father is an alcoholic...which is concerning and do you know the girlfriend? Do you know what type of influence she will have upon your son? You have a right as a parent and, may I say duty, to make your son's safety a priority. Just saying this as food for thought.

by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 10:07 AM

no i do not know the anything i know of this woman is pure heer say actually from his own mother and aunts that dont really like her and tell me she is like him as a party girl. i am so confused i want my son to have the male figure in his life i know that for sure...however i will not sacrifice his well being...even if people tell me its my ego and my bitterness. i know now that is not the case.

by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 10:09 AM
thank you that is sometihng to research i never in a million years i would think i would be going through this as a single mother...
by Gold Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 10:46 AM

Its part of being a single mom, dealing with the ex and his new fling, bedwarmer, wife, ..... You have to rise above it and encourage the relationship with dad. Yes it sucks, no you won't like it, no I don't like having to do it. But in the end it is for the benefit of the child to have the opportunity to have a relationship with both parents. If not then you can look to a future of your child resenting you because you wouldn't allow him to see dad.

In my case I have encouraged all my kids to have a relationship with their dad, even forced the issue a time or two. Now the only reason they like to go to their dad's is so they can see their siblings. My youngest son has had it with his dad and has decided that he does not want to go back. He is 12, the court order says "as agreed upon by both parents", so if he doesn't want to go anymore I will not force the issue.

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