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Children with hyphenated last names - future problems?

Posted by on Oct. 20, 2013 at 10:37 AM
  • 16 Replies

My son's father and I are not together. At the time my kiddo was born, we were not getting along (things are a lot better now!) but I still listed his name on the birth certificate. Now my kiddo is 9 months old and I have agreed to hyphenate our last names so that he feels more like a father. We have both agreed giving our son a middle name now is too unwieldy.

So my question is - how common is this in schools? Is my kid going to get made fun of when he grows up? Could this lead to bigger issues down the road? I always thought of hyphenated last names as something empowered single women did when they got married.

Thanks for your input, guys!

by on Oct. 20, 2013 at 10:37 AM
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Replies (1-10):
SexyDiva19
by Alexis on Oct. 20, 2013 at 10:44 AM

 Why change it now? The last name shouldn't affect how he feels as a father. Since your baby is only 9 months old, it's your decision as to whether to change it or not. My son has my last name and only a yr after his birth was my ex added to the birth certificate because he asked for a DNA test.

If I ever get married I plan on hyphenating my name simply because my DS has my last name and I wouldn't want him to feel left out that he didn't have the same last name as everyone else.

Good luck with your decision!

Nisha929
by Bronze Member on Oct. 20, 2013 at 11:19 AM

I'm not sure why a kid would get picked on for having two last names but...okay! My kids have hyphenated last names and the only thing I hate about it is that people always call me by their dad's last name instead of my actual last name.

Um how does the child having his last name make him feel more like a father? If he wants to be a father he can do so without you having to change the baby's name. Personally I wouldn't do it but the choice is yours.   

MeeshMom
by Platinum Member on Oct. 20, 2013 at 11:34 AM
I know a lot of people with hyphenated names and not one has had a problem. My sons father was against hyphenating because he said it would give him trouble at the dmv when he grew up. So since he was a prick and had no involvement in the pregnancy and got married a few days before my baby was born, I decided he was right about the hyphenation. I gave my son my last name cuz my family is his real family. Bd only has himself and his dad and that's it anyway.

I'm all for hyphenation if a family decides that. But I wouldn't bother changing things.
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Miss_Laura
by on Oct. 20, 2013 at 12:00 PM

Really just wanting to know if any of you have struggled with issues because you did decide to hyphenate or if there are future situations I am overlooking.

Right now my son's middle name is his dad's last name, so it's not that drastic of a change other than the legal details of getting it changed - I'm assuming I will have to get a new SS card for my son as well as a new birth certificate.

Originally I was completely against hyphenating (last year when I was pregnant and we were not on speaking terms) but now it doesn't bother me so much. His dad is here to stay, moved to a different state to be near him, is paying child support and sees him regularly. I am trying to be really understanding and accommodating, because it's better than fighting, dragging things to court and making the situation worse for all of us.

My main issue was just thinking about future issues down the road. It would bother me if someone started calling him by his dad's last name and left mine off. I could see some teachers doing that in school because it's easier.

Thanks for the feedback and support.

HeisMySonshine
by on Oct. 20, 2013 at 12:02 PM

I know several people with hyphenated names and they don't get teased.  My cousin recently hyphenated his  before he married, to acknowledge his parents(they never married).  When he married, the wife took on the hyphenated last name that he uses. I never heard of it but it is working well for them.  

In the end, it is up to you and how you feel.  Don't drop your last name just to make him 'feel' more fatherly.  The actions always speak louder that the wordslesbians

Nisha929
by Bronze Member on Oct. 20, 2013 at 12:03 PM

Really? Why? That happens to my kids all the time (my last name is first) but its not something that I let bother me. I know I'm their mother but I guess everyone is different.   

Quoting Miss_Laura:

Really just wanting to know if any of you have struggled with issues because you did decide to hyphenate or if there are future situations I am overlooking.

Right now my son's middle name is his dad's last name, so it's not that drastic of a change other than the legal details of getting it changed - I'm assuming I will have to get a new SS card for my son as well as a new birth certificate.

Originally I was completely against hyphenating (last year when I was pregnant and we were not on speaking terms) but now it doesn't bother me so much. His dad is here to stay, moved to a different state to be near him, is paying child support and sees him regularly. I am trying to be really understanding and accommodating, because it's better than fighting, dragging things to court and making the situation worse for all of us.

My main issue was just thinking about future issues down the road. It would bother me if someone started calling him by his dad's last name and left mine off. I could see some teachers doing that in school because it's easier.

Thanks for the feedback and support.

 

paige8608
by New Member on Oct. 20, 2013 at 3:31 PM

My ex wanted DS to have his last name. I suggested that he would have a hyphenated name, but he thought that would be stupid. (As did I, but I did it to deter him from wanting a hyphenated name for our child. Our last names sound ridiculous together...it would've been sleigh-puller...but a different spelling...lol!!) 

cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Oct. 20, 2013 at 3:45 PM
I don't like hyphenated last names. I work in a pharmacy and it gets complicated because normally only one name gets used. The problem happens when it's not always the same last name.
Mocking.Jay
by ★Krista★ on Oct. 20, 2013 at 9:57 PM
1 mom liked this

My son has a hyphenated last name, and it's LONGGGG. It's not difficult for him to spell though, amazingly. People make excuses as to how annoying and problematic it is for them to spell it, but if my special needs 6 year old can spell his hyphenated last name, then a "normally" functioning adult and child can too.

No problems, but get used to people bitching about it, especially if they are both longer than 6 letters lmao. 

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Oct. 21, 2013 at 1:06 AM
My kids name is hyphenated my name Is first we've dropped it and hopefully soon legally will be
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