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ETA I get attached after I have sex? And they always use me but something is a little different on his part?

Posted by on Nov. 2, 2013 at 12:59 PM
  • 58 Replies

Okay since I broke up with s/o (still living together but moving out dec. 5) , no he doesnt know. I joined this dating site and so far have met 4 guys off there and text/sext others. I only slept with 1 UNTIL yesterday. The first guy was a real jerk. He used me for my girl-parts and then never called me and when i attempted contact, he told me I was a dumb b*tch and to *uck off bc I annoyed the *uck outta me.

well there's this guy I've been talking about for 2 weeks. He'd been initiating with me online saying how cute I was etc. I gave him my number. We began texting then I went over his place and stayed for like 1 hr just watching part of "zodiac" with him (we both like that movie). He cuddled with me, massaging my neck, putting his hands around my waist. Then I had to leave and he walked me out. He texted me after that and it turned into sexting somehow and I did it back. He also wanted to hear my voice bc he liked "my sweet voice" he said.

anyways he confessed he couldn't stop thinking about me, and how he masturbated to my pictures at least 1-2 times day and I was odded out but flattered at the same time. well I was off yesterday and dd was in school and he happened to be off and he wanted tot ake me out to denny's. He paid for my french toast slam which i picked at, and he acted like my boyfriend, holding ym hand, putting his hands around my waist. We opened up a little about our lives. He knows my dad died in May, that we were close. His mom died 4 yrs ago of lung cancer (my dad died from tobacco-related illness as well). He knows I have a 5 y/o dd and he has an 11 y/o son but told me was put for adoption at 4 and is 11 now and he and his ex are not allowed contact. They did meth. he is clean for 5 yrs now. He's from Iowa so laws are stricter/harsher out there (we live in Cali).

anyways we went walking around a port/pier, just the two of us with boats/ships. we talked and cuddled. He listened to me complain about my ex, and asked what he did that amde me end it. we went abck to his house and listened to music. i flipped his channels (he let me). we began to ksis, he me, and I began to french ksis back, he began feeling em slowly, and caressing me and putting me "in the mood. we ended up having s#x. he didnt just "hit it" though, liek that jerk did who had doggy with me and didnt even touch em abrely. He was ksising my whole body, esp. my neck and breasts and stomach, and at the end when I said I had to go, he just looked sad and layed his head on my stomach. I must admit he felt really good and I loved him inside me and more so kissing my breasts and stomach. He is covered in tats and I asked if he served time he confessed yes, I asked how long, he said 5 years. But I have a fetish for guys like that. My daughter's dad is nothing like that and the biggest jerk ever and he's a computer gamer nerd type. So no, nerdy guys arent always nice. In fact bad boys/ex cons might actually be nicer.

He works, has his own vehicle, and lives alone (unlike the first jerk who didn't have a car just worked and lived with his mom).

anyways I told him 'youre probably not gonna call me now" and he said "why do you say that?" and I told him bc guys always are done after they have sex with me, and he said he couldn't see why.

here's the worst part: I was/am on my cycle. When he started taking off my panties, by then i was already aroused after all the kissing, I confessed/warned I was on my cycle, before we had intercourse, (yes he wore a condom of course) and he said he didn't mind and had dealt with that before. I got some blood on his couch it was white not a lot just a spot and he didn't seem mad. I was embarassed but too turned -on to really act upon my embarassment.

Anyways he walked me out to my car. He kissed me and hugged me. By the time I got home, I was already attached. Now I'M thinking about HIM and his smile, his warm brown eyes, his soft shaved head, his tats, etc. why why why do i always get attached after sex, when that;s when I'm most likely to be disappointed/hurt? I know myself, and I know I get attached after sex. I would never have sex with a guy I'm not attracted to so being attached to a guy i'm not attracted to wouldnt happen.

anyways he texted me twice yesterday afetr that, saying he would like me to come back that night, I said i could try, he later texted me saying he was just gonna go out with coworkers to a pool bar all guys. he said tomorrow (today) he works 10-hrs and is staying the night a buddy's bc they're going out to a pool bar again ?) he invited me over next fri or sat. I asked if I could call him and he said "yes baby". He then talked to me for a ltitle while. before he left he said texted me to let me know he was thinking about me.

Then I got a text from him last night saying "hey babe, goodnight. just wanted to say goodnight to you, i'm back home now." Usually he'll text me "good morning gorgeous" or "good morning cutie" even after a goodnight text which I didn't respond to, but this time I did the text response back.


so I texted him this morning back, saying "hope you're having a good day at work". and he said "thanks, what are you doing today?" it old him my plans which included houseowrk, riding my bike w/my daughter, and maybe movies with a friend (a girl/mom friend). He didn't respond so I figure he's busy at work.

But I find myself looking at my phone this time, waiting for his texts only to find none and feel disappointed and I'm afraid of being hurt. I'm afarid bc I gave it up so quickly a week later after the 1st date.

what's different is he still initiated contact w/me. anyways I'm on guard and I am trying to be detached but find it hard to be.

what should I expect? any advice on how to become detached after sharing my body? Is there something wrong with me?


ETA he texted me a couple times yesterday, saying "good morning hun" only not as early as usual (at 12 noon) when he was already at work, unlike before and asked what i was doing. he told me he was hungover lol from the night before. He said he couldn't wait to see me this week. I told him my plans, and later texted me again asking how my plans at the horseback riding lessons w/daughter were going. I told him fine and he said "okay cowgirl ride on have fun" I asked him how work was and he responded back saying he was off, and home , and gonna watch his fave show and for me to have a good evening "babe". calls me baby or babe or honey/hon in his texts.

I said 2 hrs later (bc I didnt get it) "you too, thanks". I haven't heard from him yet today. I know he's probably working, but he always managed to text me before. Should I text him hi, or just leave him alone?

All things aside, pretend he was never a ex con, or pretend I never told you those things, then should i text him hi, or is the ball in his court? Would it look desperate/pathetic to initiate the texts with him? I realize it was a mistake to sleep w/him so soon...is there any chance he could still respect/want me? I know there are deeper issues at play here but please just answer the question. and should i initiate the text w/him, or is the ball in his court?


2nd ETA: I ended up looking at his profile today, turns out he was online today, which proves he's moving onto the next 'conquest". I texted him "hi" and that was it just now and he hasn't responded. i am so stupid for thinkign i was special to him just bc he was ksising all up on me. what a fool am I.

eta so he has etxted me since then. he never calls me by my name, his texts always address me with 'honey", "hon', 'cutie," "babe" or "baby."
anyways i knew we had agreed to meet again today last Fri.,., and I asked him about it he said "yeah well still HANG OUT" wtf? then he asked if i could stay the night and is aid probably not. I asked about the movies since that's what we agreed on and he said "maybe". I texted him hi last night, and he responded with 'hey cutie". He then told me he was "sick as *uck, vomiting twice in the last hr." i said 'poor baby aww I could be your nruse" he said 'aww your sweet baby" and then is aid "still want to keep our plans or are you too sick?" he said "i still wanna see you silly it just depends on how i feel". anyways we ended ona good note but i go online and I see his status on his profile says he's online. now sometimes if you don't exit the browser it says you're on there but i checked back later and you're off there. He also updated a facebook photo an hour before i texted him. I know when you're sick you can still do stuff like that but i am skeptical.

My question is, do you think he's lying about being sick but doesn't have the guts to cancel? do you think he's looking for other ppl/women and that bc I gave it up already he's bored w/me now? I just don't get why was so into me at first then sex is the be-all end-all, it shouldn't have to be that way. we're adults.

any ideas on his behavior?

and then today he texted me on his own (initiating), 'Good morning babe. I am still feeling like shit. All I've done is puke and sleep. I'm laying back down now. I'll keep u posted." I then said "oh that sux hope u feel better." I hadn't heard from him all day. i dont udnerstand why he clals me pet names, like cutie baby etc.,  if he doesnt really "like" me. I dont get why he would lie does he feel guilty for using me and doesn't want to hurt my feelings by ignoring or avoiding me. If that's what he's doing.

I just texted him "ehy' and no resposne. should i just leave him alone now?

by on Nov. 2, 2013 at 12:59 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 1:16 PM
4 moms liked this

Sounds like you have sex way too soon and it almost always ends in the woman getting hurt. 

quickbooksworm
by Bronze Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 1:16 PM
11 moms liked this

You sound a lot like my best friend so when I say this, I'm not saying it to be a bitch.  You need to get your own shit together. Stop having sex with people you barely know and expect a relationship.  Stop sexting men you don't know.  You know you are the type of person to get attached after sex so stop doing it until the guy shows some signs of wanting to be around for longer than to bang you.   Saying things like "you'll probably never call me again" is manipulative because you are saying it to fish for some type of reassurance that he will call you again but will be upset if he doesn't.  And seriously, this guy is a meth addict who lost rights to his kid, he is NOT role model material for yours.  Drugs and prison should be very basic standards.

Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 1:17 PM


Exactly!

Quoting quickbooksworm:

You sound a lot like my best friend so when I say this, I'm not saying it to be a bitch.  You need to get your own shit together. Stop having sex with people you barely know and expect a relationship.  Stop sexting men you don't know.  You know you are the type of person to get attached after sex so stop doing it until the guy shows some signs of wanting to be around for longer than to bang you.   Saying things like "you'll probably never call me again" is manipulative because you are saying it to fish for some type of reassurance that he will call you again but will be upset if he doesn't.  And seriously, this guy is a meth addict who lost rights to his kid, he is NOT role model material for yours.  Drugs and prison should be very basic standards.



quickbooksworm
by Bronze Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 1:21 PM
5 moms liked this

Oh, and while I'm thinking about it, who the hell tells someone they barely know that they jerk off to their picture? Basic respect. 

sexysiren1983
by on Nov. 2, 2013 at 1:25 PM


I asked him. bc i sent him a "sexy" picture upon his request.

Quoting quickbooksworm:

Oh, and while I'm thinking about it, who the hell tells someone they barely know that they jerk off to their picture? Basic respect. 



sexysiren1983
by on Nov. 2, 2013 at 1:26 PM


I know but I don't like to judge people. I like to give ppl chances. He was human and young (only 21 at the time) and made a mistake. Nobody should be crucified for their mistakes bc we all make them. i've never used drugs but I make mistakes too and wouldnt want anyone holding it over my head.

Quoting quickbooksworm:

You sound a lot like my best friend so when I say this, I'm not saying it to be a bitch.  You need to get your own shit together. Stop having sex with people you barely know and expect a relationship.  Stop sexting men you don't know.  You know you are the type of person to get attached after sex so stop doing it until the guy shows some signs of wanting to be around for longer than to bang you.   Saying things like "you'll probably never call me again" is manipulative because you are saying it to fish for some type of reassurance that he will call you again but will be upset if he doesn't.  And seriously, this guy is a meth addict who lost rights to his kid, he is NOT role model material for yours.  Drugs and prison should be very basic standards.



Jenn8604
by Silver Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 1:31 PM
I recommend NOT having sex on the second date.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
sexysiren1983
by on Nov. 2, 2013 at 1:33 PM


why

Quoting Jenn8604:

I recommend NOT having sex on the second date.



justahousewife
by Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 1:42 PM
1 mom liked this

You don't want to be the cold hearted person that doesn't get attached after sex so I don't advise you try to change yourself there. But knowing that intimacy leads to stronger feelings you really should get to know a guy first and make sure he is worthy of being a dad (just in case it comes down to that). 

Also you really should require a guy take you on a real date, not just go to his place. Just going to a guys place is a good way to get raped or worse.

You really can't blame a guy for who pushes for sex too soon to not call back or to turn out to be an ass. A decent guy respects a girl enough to get to know her. A guy with his head on straight doesn't want to just knock anybody up. That's a pretty big responsibility. 

sexysiren1983
by on Nov. 2, 2013 at 1:45 PM

no one said anything about pregnancy here...i asked him to put on a condom


Quoting justahousewife:

You don't want to be the cold hearted person that doesn't get attached after sex so I don't advise you try to change yourself there. But knowing that intimacy leads to stronger feelings you really should get to know a guy first and make sure he is worthy of being a dad (just in case it comes down to that). 

Also you really should require a guy take you on a real date, not just go to his place. Just going to a guys place is a good way to get raped or worse.

You really can't blame a guy for who pushes for sex too soon to not call back or to turn out to be an ass. A decent guy respects a girl enough to get to know her. A guy with his head on straight doesn't want to just knock anybody up. That's a pretty big responsibility. 



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