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An E-Mail From the Other Woman

Posted by on Nov. 5, 2013 at 9:49 AM
  • 14 Replies

I sent my ex a letter asking him to please let me know his insurance information because I didn't have it on file.  Our daughter needs to have her wisdom teeth pulled and accordance with our divorce agreement he has to pick-up all healthcare expenses while I pay for our daughter's car insurance.  Well, it has been six weeks since I've heard from him at all then on Sunday afternoon my daughter received an e-mail from her father's new wife.  She simply stated that new insurance coverage will go into affect starting next year and that she will send out new insurance information as soon as she knows it. 

I didn't know if I liked the idea of her actually stepping up to do something my ex is responsible for nor that she knew my daughter's e-mail address and the fact that she sent an e-mail directly to my daughter.  She's the one that had an affair with my ex that ultimately destroyed our marriage.  Kind of hard for me see this e-mail all around.  Like I said it was nice of her step up and actually answer the question.  She decided to communicate with my daughter instead of having my ex do it.  I know it was nice of her to do so, but at the same time my ex is the one that should have answered the letter and sent the info himself.  He's been an absent father to our daughter since our divorce.  He's also been a deadbeat father and we are currently battling in court for what he owes me and my daughter in accordance with our divorce agreement. 

I told my daughter to not respond to the e-mail.  Instead since we have a court date next month I will request all communication between us and her father stay between us and I will then request insurance info be sent directly to my attorney.  I just don't want the new wife involved at all and I don't want her sending e-mails to my daughter. 

by on Nov. 5, 2013 at 9:49 AM
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by on Nov. 5, 2013 at 11:06 AM
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I completely understand your anger. If it was a matter of not speaking to you he still could've sent the email to your daughter. Sounds like she's the one wearing the pants and that's just wrong when it comes to your child. He helped make her he needs to step up and be a dad. Hopefully things get better. I agree though, wait until your court date.

by Gold Member on Nov. 5, 2013 at 11:59 AM

Having matters stay between me and my ex and not our son is something that I have stressed many times to my exhusband.  I hate when instead of calling/texting/e-mailing me to tell me something he tells our 9 year old to tell me. 

by Gold Member on Nov. 5, 2013 at 12:36 PM
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I would have your daughter forward you the email then you respond in kind to your ex.

Remember, your ex is her problem now. Rejoice in that he is no longer your day to day problem. :)

by on Nov. 5, 2013 at 12:51 PM
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You always have to remember that she will do things to get under your skin besides your ex. She is just showing you that she won your ex. A cheater is never a prize because it is a matter of time before he leaves her for someone else. He could find another sugar momma who could afford him even better than her.


Group owner of Different Learners Support Group (

by on Nov. 5, 2013 at 2:04 PM
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One, communication should be between the parents and children should never be used as the go between.  Two, does that mean that your daughter doesn't currently have health insurance?!?!  Try not to let it get under your skin and I would be contacting both dad and new wife to make sure they understood that communication needs to go through you and that they should not be contacting your daughter on things like this.  Perhaps you can have it added to your agreement that communication like this should go through you.  Take that email as evidence.

by on Nov. 5, 2013 at 3:32 PM

Thanks for the advice, ladies. I've been thinking on this long and hard.  The wife shouldn't have gotten involved at all.  In fact its none of her business to get involved.  I'm going to print out the e-mail and take it to court with me next month.  I really shouldn't have to let the new wife know it was inappropriate for her to send the e-mail to begin with, but what do I really expect from a homewrecker. 

My daughter is under my healthcare insurance as a back-up because I know that my ex already has three kids (two with her and adopted her son) on his insurance and he's a bonafide financial deadbeat.     Having my ex pay for my daughter's healthcare will be a miracle in itself.  His problem to deal with.  I already paid for her braces and maxiillafacial work a few years ago.

by Group Admin on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:06 PM
I'll argue both points here. If I were you I'd be pissed and probably would have ended up saying something I'd regret. On the other hand my ex has a habit of not responding to things so his gf sending the information may be the only way I got it.
by on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:09 PM
I'd have an issue with it coming to my daughter, but not that it was from his wife. I know for is, my step mom was the one who kept all that straight.
by on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:49 PM

It may be that his wife is the one who is carrying the insurance and therefore responded.  If I remember correctly, your daughter is over 18 and if so, since parents (whether they carry the insurance or not) under HIPPA can have no access to their adult children's medical records, it would not necessarily be inappropriate for her to have communicated the healthcare information to your daughter.  If your child is a minor, then yes, that information should have come directly to you, whether through your ex or through his wife.

I carry dental insurance on my adult stepdaughter.  Because she isn't great at follow through or understanding when/how to use the benefits (her mom isn't either), I send the benefit information to both her and her mom.  I don't have her dad send the info because a) he isn't the one carring the dental insurance and b) he hasn't a clue about it.

by on Nov. 6, 2013 at 4:48 PM
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Oh, triple UGH!

That is terrible! I think your approach is great, and you're being really healthy about this.

So sorry. :-(

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