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Being nice to new guy...

Posted by on Nov. 8, 2013 at 9:55 PM
  • 17 Replies
Have been dating a great guy the last three months. The problems? I been on my own a few years, so used to being this strong independent person who doesn't rely on anyone else. When he does offer help my first reaction isn't a nice one. My ex, I used to have to beg to help. Or he would say he would and wouldn't come thru. So ladies. How do you let ur guard down to let a nice guy in?! He has been nothing but patient. I have even explained why I'm like this. He has pointed out I have gotten better with time. I just don't want him to pay for others fault.
by on Nov. 8, 2013 at 9:55 PM
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Replies (1-10):
cjsmom1
by Platinum Member on Nov. 9, 2013 at 12:01 AM
1 mom liked this
Bump I have no idea
sid1083
by Silver Member on Nov. 9, 2013 at 1:29 AM
I was told the same thing. I think it's a matter of you needing to consciously get out of your comfort zone. Where you're used to doing everything yourself, if he asks say, "can I take over for you?" let yourself go and let him prove himself. It will give him a sense of value and you may find you kind of enjoy letting go every once in a while. Baby steps though.
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alexis_06
by on Nov. 9, 2013 at 1:32 AM
2 moms liked this

 i have no idea..i havent been on a date in 10+years..lol..maybe instead of him helping you (with stuff you dont need help with) you could find something for him to help with..like, a wobbly leg on a chair, or changing a lightbulb or something...anything to make him feel "needed"...

kitcal78
by Gigi on Nov. 9, 2013 at 3:21 AM

 Small things first. If he asked to help out let it be something your comfortable with.  That isn't all mind boggling or hand wringing over. The fact that he says your getting better is a total PLUS.

Small and in moderation.  The best thing is your comfort level. Maybe something helpful you guys can do together.  Get your guard down set you at ease a bit.  Like that.

mz23
by Bronze Member on Nov. 9, 2013 at 4:44 AM
Smile and say sure. Resist the urge to give the evil eye lol.
ngarciaf
by Member on Nov. 9, 2013 at 7:48 AM
Lol. My first reaction is usually "why? I can do it myself".


Quoting mz23:

Smile and say sure. Resist the urge to give the evil eye lol.

ngarciaf
by Member on Nov. 9, 2013 at 7:50 AM
I agree. I mean. In this case. I'm sick. He offered to let him bring me soup. I turned him down. One I didn't want for him to go out his way. And two I have my son. Which he hasn't met yet (my son gets attached to men very easy, this is my first relationship in two years and I want to wait a while).


Quoting sid1083:

I was told the same thing. I think it's a matter of you needing to consciously get out of your comfort zone. Where you're used to doing everything yourself, if he asks say, "can I take over for you?" let yourself go and let him prove himself. It will give him a sense of value and you may find you kind of enjoy letting go every once in a while. Baby steps though.

moosesmom
by Silver Member on Nov. 9, 2013 at 1:51 PM

You just have to make a decision to let that guard down. Or at least make an effort ( and it seems you've been doing that). However, keep it mind that REMAINING so guarded MAY push him, and anyone after that, away from you. You've been hurt but like you said, the people that want to love us shouldn't have to pay that price. 

LyndaLoo78
by on Nov. 9, 2013 at 3:15 PM

HA!!  I have that reaction as well, and once I allow SO to help with anything I immediately want to scream 'STOOOOOOOOOOP!!!  You're doing it WRONG!!!!!"

Quoting ngarciaf:

Lol. My first reaction is usually "why? I can do it myself".


Quoting mz23:

Smile and say sure. Resist the urge to give the evil eye lol.


pedritosmama
by Member on Nov. 9, 2013 at 4:34 PM

Have you considered that you may not be that into him?  If you truly were, then you would let yourself love him.  The fact that you have your guard up tells me that you either aren't ready to date, or that you aren't interested in him.

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