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She mentioned her "dad" today update* update2...update 3...

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2013 at 4:47 PM
  • 23 Replies

My dd mentioned her father today. I had told her awhile ago who he was but she said didnt like h I'm and just liked my dad whom she has known as her papi since birth. Well today she said she made a picture for her dad. I told her she won't call him that right? And she says I will because he is her dad. 

How do I handle this? He doesn't deserve that title. Has not seen her in over a year and half. Pays child support because it's enforced . Never wanted her. Is basically a joke of a father. But it is her father the only one she has. Can't force him to have a relationship with her but don't want to bad mouth him either. 

Any advice please! 

* Update* I emailed him and it is up to him intiaciate it not us and to write back to set up a day and time that works best for our schedule. 

*update two....he wrote back and said Skype would be better.  I told him I do not have the old computer so I will try to download it on my iPad. So then we are going to try it today. But she probably will hide. 

Update3 ...so I downloaded Skype but it never happened so I deleted it. She doesn't want to do it. She doesn't want to call him. She wants him to call her. I don't blame her. I always h as inciated it with pictures and visits in the past.  Anyways, I told him it will not happen and let's just go back to way it was. No response as usual but he doesn't check email on weekends so I am not expecting a reply. 

by on Nov. 9, 2013 at 4:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Nov. 9, 2013 at 5:47 PM
2 moms liked this

If she wants to call him dad, I don't think you should stop it.  

libramoon007
by on Nov. 9, 2013 at 6:07 PM


I know I stopped myself before I continued on. I am just at a loss. 

Quoting amonkeymom:

If she wants to call him dad, I don't think you should stop it.  



Jenn8604
by Silver Member on Nov. 9, 2013 at 6:09 PM
Have her Call him father.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
libramoon007
by on Nov. 9, 2013 at 6:32 PM


Well, I do not want to hinder a possible future relationship. I just asked if she wanted to speak with him. She said never. Then I asked would you speak with him if he called...she said yes. 

Quoting Jenn8604:

Have her Call him father.



biomom1437
by Member on Nov. 9, 2013 at 6:40 PM
1 mom liked this

Really it should be up to her what she calls him.   and never, never bad mouth him in front of her because she might decide she wants to get to know him when she becomes an adult  and bad mouthing him mite hinder their relationship later....

Quoting libramoon007:


Well, I do not want to hinder a possible future relationship. I just asked if she wanted to speak with him. She said never. Then I asked would you speak with him if he called...she said yes. 

Quoting Jenn8604:

Have her Call him father.




libramoon007
by on Nov. 9, 2013 at 6:48 PM


I know. I will send an open ended email. I t is up to him to form a relationship now. I will not send any more updates. I was done with it when he text and now her mentioning him. It was brief but none the less she mentioned it. She made a picture for a man she doesn't even know. 

Quoting biomom1437:

Really it should be up to her what she calls him.   and never, never bad mouth him in front of her because she might decide she wants to get to know him when she becomes an adult  and bad mouthing him mite hinder their relationship later....

Quoting libramoon007:


Well, I do not want to hinder a possible future relationship. I just asked if she wanted to speak with him. She said never. Then I asked would you speak with him if he called...she said yes. 

Quoting Jenn8604:

Have her Call him father.






biomom1437
by Member on Nov. 9, 2013 at 7:01 PM

well maybe she made a picture of him bc she wishes she knew him and its just her way of feeling like she knows him. 

but i am in that boat too. my dd has never met her dad. my dd however is only 2 1/2 so she is currently sometimes calling my dad (her grandpa) dad and sometimes she say "dad to random guy like in the store or in public" 

so ya i feel for you and you dd. 

sometimes i see my dd dad at a place that he and i volenteer at. he has never once asked about her and he goes out of his way to avoid me when i am there.  and the way i see it is it's his lose.  but at the same time if my dd wants to met her dad when she gets to be 18 then i won't be upset bc that is her choice

Quoting libramoon007:


I know. I will send an open ended email. I t is up to him to form a relationship now. I will not send any more updates. I was done with it when he text and now her mentioning him. It was brief but none the less she mentioned it. She made a picture for a man she doesn't even know. 

Quoting biomom1437:

Really it should be up to her what she calls him.   and never, never bad mouth him in front of her because she might decide she wants to get to know him when she becomes an adult  and bad mouthing him mite hinder their relationship later....

Quoting libramoon007:


Well, I do not want to hinder a possible future relationship. I just asked if she wanted to speak with him. She said never. Then I asked would you speak with him if he called...she said yes. 

Quoting Jenn8604:

Have her Call him father.







libramoon007
by on Nov. 9, 2013 at 7:06 PM

She knows him and he has come to her birthday party and it was not a picture of him. It was a picture for him. I think she sees alot of kids with father that drop them off at daycare and they notice at this age. 

What. If she wanted to know him before hand? I know I should let him know. He is in another state and never has foster a relationship. Legally at least. He tried to manipulate me to give her to him with out the legal system and I was not having it. 

 I do not want to open Pandora's box but I also do not want her to resent me later either. 


Quoting biomom1437:

well maybe she made a picture of him bc she wishes she knew him and its just her way of feeling like she knows him. 

but i am in that boat too. my dd has never met her dad. my dd however is only 2 1/2 so she is currently sometimes calling my dad (her grandpa) dad and sometimes she say "dad to random guy like in the store or in public" 

so ya i feel for you and you dd. 

sometimes i see my dd dad at a place that he and i volenteer at. he has never once asked about her and he goes out of his way to avoid me when i am there.  and the way i see it is it's his lose.  but at the same time if my dd wants to met her dad when she gets to be 18 then i won't be upset bc that is her choice

Quoting libramoon007:


I know. I will send an open ended email. I t is up to him to form a relationship now. I will not send any more updates. I was done with it when he text and now her mentioning him. It was brief but none the less she mentioned it. She made a picture for a man she doesn't even know. 

Quoting biomom1437:

Really it should be up to her what she calls him.   and never, never bad mouth him in front of her because she might decide she wants to get to know him when she becomes an adult  and bad mouthing him mite hinder their relationship later....

Quoting libramoon007:


Well, I do not want to hinder a possible future relationship. I just asked if she wanted to speak with him. She said never. Then I asked would you speak with him if he called...she said yes. 

Quoting Jenn8604:

Have her Call him father.









alexis_06
by AnnaLisa on Nov. 9, 2013 at 7:26 PM

 how old is your daughter? was he ever involved?

libramoon007
by on Nov. 9, 2013 at 7:39 PM


Nope I moved out of state and he use to visit once a month but it stopped and then I would go to my home state and let him know but he wouldn't text me back. He basically doesn't care. He pays support because before. It was set up he thought diapers and whipes was enough support, he has never called her just text. 

Quoting alexis_06:

 how old is your daughter? was he ever involved?



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