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Question about my son and his paternal side of the family: update!!!

Posted by on Nov. 17, 2013 at 10:48 AM
  • 33 Replies

My son is 2 and has barely had contact with his faerbt he has had contact with his aunts and grandparents. He does not know yet one member of his paternal family: his uncle and his wife. They all live out of town and they have come to visit him and they have invited us to one family gathering in July and we attended as I was my paying for one plane ticket at that time.

now they invited us for thanksgiving , again out of town, and my first answer was that my sons dad and his wife probably wanted to attend. I was told that if e does, he goes alone. Then now I have to answer. I do not want to go for thanksgiving but I am considering the day after. It is only a one hour plane ride but I have to spend $ 400 on tickets. I don't really have the extra cash but it might be important for my son to connect and get to now one more relative.

woud you do something like this? Does it make us sound or look like needy? We don't have relatives in the country so for my son to get to know them, it would be like his own family. I don't want to go for thanksgiving as it s my boundary in case in the future they want him to fly alone for holidays and I want him to spend holidays with me.

any input on this?

thanks


update:


aunties area using for our tickets so we are going

by on Nov. 17, 2013 at 10:48 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ballerossandra
by Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 10:48 AM

BUMP!

ballerossandra
by Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 10:48 AM

BUMP!

Nisha929
by Bronze Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 11:52 AM
3 moms liked this

I understand you wanting your son to connect with his other family but if you can't afford to go then don't go. I'm sure there will be other opportunities for you all to visit. Maybe they could come and visit him instead.

ballerossandra
by Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 11:54 AM

 

one auntie died a couple of months ago and grandfather is 88.Great health but you never know how  long he will be around for. Another uncle passed a week before my son was born....it is a family with a lot happening

Quoting Nisha929:

I understand you wanting your son to connect with his other family but if you can't afford to go then don't go. I'm sure there will be other opportunities for you all to visit. Maybe they could come and visit him instead.


 

Nisha929
by Bronze Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 12:08 PM
1 mom liked this

Okay and I truly understand why it's important to you for him to meet them. However, if you spend $400 that you really don't have...then what? If they're willing to help you get there then go for it. If they aren't (and this is just my opinion) stay home and let the chips fall where they may. If he is that important to them...they can come to him. I understand the 88 year old not being able to travel but if other members can, then they should. At the end of the day you have to do what you feel is right.

Based on my situation with my kids father...my kids have never met anyone in his family and we all live in the same city. Truth be told I don't give a shit if they never meet them. If they wanna find them when they get older (8 and 13 now) that's fine but right now, they're fine without them.  

Quoting ballerossandra:

 

one auntie died a couple of months ago and grandfather is 88.Great health but you never know how  long he will be around for. Another uncle passed a week before my son was born....it is a family with a lot happening

Quoting Nisha929:

I understand you wanting your son to connect with his other family but if you can't afford to go then don't go. I'm sure there will be other opportunities for you all to visit. Maybe they could come and visit him instead.

 

 

 

bluedeaj
by Deidre on Nov. 17, 2013 at 12:31 PM

hm... this is a hard thing for me to comment on as I'm not close to any extended family.  The important family to me is my mom, dad, and siblings.  Extended is just that, extended.  I know of them, I've spent little time with them (aunts, uncles, cousins) but other than that *shrug*  I don't feel like I'm missing anything.

Now, the setup is a little different for my daughter.  Since I'm so close to my mom, dad, and siblings, she is close to her maternal grandparents and uncles (my brother's).  Very close to them all.  Which I never had and I really don't care that I never had that.  I'm happy she does.  But, I'm also not going to go out of my way for my daughter to see some old person in my family that's close to dying, when she's not even going to remember the moment.  She will now, she's almost 6yrs old. But at 2yrs old?  I wouldn't do it.  If I'm not personally close to the person I see no point.  Old people don't usually like toddlers anyway.

As for my ex's family - his family is a complete mess.  they live in multiple states and my daughter has seen them sparatically.  She'll be spending time with her aunt/uncle, and grandma this holiday season with her dad.  And she's spent time with them all in the past but it's been so long that they're strangers to her.  She doesn't remember seeing them three years ago when she was 2.

Do you think your 2yr old will benefit from meeting these people?  If not, don't go.  If you just want your 2yr old to know who they are, get some pictures and make a photo album of family.  Have their names written under each picture for him to flip through and 'learn' who they are.

ballerossandra
by Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 12:36 PM

 he loves his aunts and they skype all the time and he dores ask or say his name quite often. Grandpa is very fit. he played with him and carried him last time they saw each other which was this past June. So this grandpa does like kids and my son is the only kid in the family as the other granddaighter is 18.Also, one of these aunties is my son s guardian in my will

 


Quoting bluedeaj:

hm... this is a hard thing for me to comment on as I'm not close to any extended family.  The important family to me is my mom, dad, and siblings.  Extended is just that, extended.  I know of them, I've spent little time with them (aunts, uncles, cousins) but other than that *shrug*  I don't feel like I'm missing anything.

Now, the setup is a little different for my daughter.  Since I'm so close to my mom, dad, and siblings, she is close to her maternal grandparents and uncles (my brother's).  Very close to them all.  Which I never had and I really don't care that I never had that.  I'm happy she does.  But, I'm also not going to go out of my way for my daughter to see some old person in my family that's close to dying, when she's not even going to remember the moment.  She will now, she's almost 6yrs old. But at 2yrs old?  I wouldn't do it.  If I'm not personally close to the person I see no point.  Old people don't usually like toddlers anyway.

As for my ex's family - his family is a complete mess.  they live in multiple states and my daughter has seen them sparatically.  She'll be spending time with her aunt/uncle, and grandma this holiday season with her dad.  And she's spent time with them all in the past but it's been so long that they're strangers to her.  She doesn't remember seeing them three years ago when she was 2.

Do you think your 2yr old will benefit from meeting these people?  If not, don't go.  If you just want your 2yr old to know who they are, get some pictures and make a photo album of family.  Have their names written under each picture for him to flip through and 'learn' who they are.


 

bluedeaj
by Deidre on Nov. 17, 2013 at 12:38 PM

Well, it's certainly your choice :)  No need to defend hehe.  I see where you're coming from.  He's definitely closer to this family than I originally thought.  Would they be willing to foot the bill for you or pay half to help you come visit?  Could you drive instead of fly? since it's only a 1hr flight it's not that far for drive.  It *might* be cheaper.


Quoting ballerossandra:

 he loves his aunts and they skype all the time and he dores ask or say his name quite often. Grandpa is very fit. he played with him and carried him last time they saw each other which was this past June. So this grandpa does like kids and my son is the only kid in the family as the other granddaighter is 18.Also, one of these aunties is my son s guardian in my will



Quoting bluedeaj:

hm... this is a hard thing for me to comment on as I'm not close to any extended family.  The important family to me is my mom, dad, and siblings.  Extended is just that, extended.  I know of them, I've spent little time with them (aunts, uncles, cousins) but other than that *shrug*  I don't feel like I'm missing anything.

Now, the setup is a little different for my daughter.  Since I'm so close to my mom, dad, and siblings, she is close to her maternal grandparents and uncles (my brother's).  Very close to them all.  Which I never had and I really don't care that I never had that.  I'm happy she does.  But, I'm also not going to go out of my way for my daughter to see some old person in my family that's close to dying, when she's not even going to remember the moment.  She will now, she's almost 6yrs old. But at 2yrs old?  I wouldn't do it.  If I'm not personally close to the person I see no point.  Old people don't usually like toddlers anyway.

As for my ex's family - his family is a complete mess.  they live in multiple states and my daughter has seen them sparatically.  She'll be spending time with her aunt/uncle, and grandma this holiday season with her dad.  And she's spent time with them all in the past but it's been so long that they're strangers to her.  She doesn't remember seeing them three years ago when she was 2.

Do you think your 2yr old will benefit from meeting these people?  If not, don't go.  If you just want your 2yr old to know who they are, get some pictures and make a photo album of family.  Have their names written under each picture for him to flip through and 'learn' who they are.





ballerossandra
by Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 1:11 PM
Not driving 6 or 7 hours with him


Quoting bluedeaj:

Well, it's certainly your choice :)  No need to defend hehe.  I see where you're coming from.  He's definitely closer to this family than I originally thought.  Would they be willing to foot the bill for you or pay half to help you come visit?  Could you drive instead of fly? since it's only a 1hr flight it's not that far for drive.  It *might* be cheaper.



Quoting ballerossandra:

 he loves his aunts and they skype all the time and he dores ask or say his name quite often. Grandpa is very fit. he played with him and carried him last time they saw each other which was this past June. So this grandpa does like kids and my son is the only kid in the family as the other granddaighter is 18.Also, one of these aunties is my son s guardian in my will






Quoting bluedeaj:


hm... this is a hard thing for me to comment on as I'm not close to any extended family.  The important family to me is my mom, dad, and siblings.  Extended is just that, extended.  I know of them, I've spent little time with them (aunts, uncles, cousins) but other than that *shrug*  I don't feel like I'm missing anything.


Now, the setup is a little different for my daughter.  Since I'm so close to my mom, dad, and siblings, she is close to her maternal grandparents and uncles (my brother's).  Very close to them all.  Which I never had and I really don't care that I never had that.  I'm happy she does.  But, I'm also not going to go out of my way for my daughter to see some old person in my family that's close to dying, when she's not even going to remember the moment.  She will now, she's almost 6yrs old. But at 2yrs old?  I wouldn't do it.  If I'm not personally close to the person I see no point.  Old people don't usually like toddlers anyway.


As for my ex's family - his family is a complete mess.  they live in multiple states and my daughter has seen them sparatically.  She'll be spending time with her aunt/uncle, and grandma this holiday season with her dad.  And she's spent time with them all in the past but it's been so long that they're strangers to her.  She doesn't remember seeing them three years ago when she was 2.


Do you think your 2yr old will benefit from meeting these people?  If not, don't go.  If you just want your 2yr old to know who they are, get some pictures and make a photo album of family.  Have their names written under each picture for him to flip through and 'learn' who they are.









Saurusmom8
by on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:28 PM
I don't get it. Are you scared they will stop inviting you if he doesn't go this time? Love isn't based on that. What's wrong with admitting you can't afford it?

I get the sentiment, but I agree with most posts here.. why spend the money you don't have? I can't afford half the things my family does and if they can't invite us then that's fine.

My situation is different than my siblings and family and that's the truth. Its honest and I will not go broke to be a part of something that truly should be unconditional.

Why isn't the bio dads family closer? Why do you have to do this footwork? Where is the dad and why can't he provide for this air ticket?
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