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Family

Posted by on Nov. 23, 2013 at 2:15 PM
  • 13 Replies
So my ds is doing a family study for school. And with the holidays coming up. I can see why. Family is important and who you know best. When i asked my ds what was family. He said a mom and a dad. But i dont have a dad. Just a mom. My heart crushed right there. I wonder if he will tell his classmates when its his turn to mention his family. How did you ladies handle telling your kids about their dad and/or traditional family?
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by on Nov. 23, 2013 at 2:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MomToNeeners
by Bronze Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 2:53 PM

My daughter calls her god father's Dad and Papa, so I don't see the big deal.

Bribriesmom
by on Nov. 24, 2013 at 9:26 AM
Same here. My daughter has strong male role models in her life, but it's not the same as her father. I just hope he gets his life in order.


Quoting MomToNeeners:

My daughter calls her god father's Dad and Papa, so I don't see the big deal.


maam0609
by Member on Nov. 24, 2013 at 12:02 PM

My husband and I split during my pregnancy. We wanted her and had been trying hard to carry a baby to term. I have this guilt complex that as she gets older, she is going to think she was a mistake or not wanted (my mother told me that she got pregnant with me while on bc, and it has forever messed with me). He really isn't in her life, but we were IN love for a long time, and I really want her to know that. I tell her stories about him and us all the time. Things like he was always trying to sneak treats, and ate a dog bone, while we are playing with the dog. I don't know how long you were with the father, but are there any quirky things you can tell him?

Also in our house the word family isn't defined as a normal one would. I have told her for years that her family are the people that hold her in their heart, and her the same. I hated/hate the no daddy thing, and this goes over pretty well.

pedritosmama
by Member on Nov. 24, 2013 at 5:39 PM
1 mom liked this

You should have corrected him, that a family does not just mean "a mom and a dad."  It means the people who love and care for you.  <3

pedritosmama
by Member on Nov. 24, 2013 at 5:43 PM

 

My husband and I split during my pregnancy too. But my ex is still in my child's life (and in fact, we have 63/37 timeshare of him).  However, I agree with you...it has always been important to me to let my son know that he was wanted.  We tried for him.  I am going to let him know that even though Mommy and Daddy are not together, we both wanted to have him so much and both love him more than anything.  I'm going to tell him that Daddy and I loved one another long enough to make him and then we just transferred our love from one another to him.

Quoting maam0609:

My husband and I split during my pregnancy. We wanted her and had been trying hard to carry a baby to term. I have this guilt complex that as she gets older, she is going to think she was a mistake or not wanted (my mother told me that she got pregnant with me while on bc, and it has forever messed with me). He really isn't in her life, but we were IN love for a long time, and I really want her to know that. I tell her stories about him and us all the time. Things like he was always trying to sneak treats, and ate a dog bone, while we are playing with the dog. I don't know how long you were with the father, but are there any quirky things you can tell him?

Also in our house the word family isn't defined as a normal one would. I have told her for years that her family are the people that hold her in their heart, and her the same. I hated/hate the no daddy thing, and this goes over pretty well.


 

Saurusmom8
by on Nov. 24, 2013 at 8:43 PM
I honestly know nothing about my sons dads family.

I do say the truth. "Your dad was such a great artist".. "He was creative".. "Liked music just like you".

I don't push beyond what comes at me with questions and I will allow him to seek out his dads side if he ever feels he needs to.
Saurusmom8
by on Nov. 24, 2013 at 8:45 PM
And I. Agree.. family is not. Defined by relation, its defined by the feeling of belonging and love. A group of people who love, protect and help each other.

I have non relatives who very much my sisters. :)
TurtleMami
by Member on Nov. 24, 2013 at 10:45 PM

In my house, family were defined as the people who cared for you. My parents got divorced when I was like 4, so I didn't grow up with a typical family structure. I lived with my grandmother for a while, and then my mom and stepdad, who I call Dad.

My son is too young to undertand the situation with his father. I think when the time comes I'll tell him his dad wasn't ready to be a dad. He was afraid of being a bad dad, so we decided that Mommy would raise the baby on her own. Totally sugarcoated version of the truth, but I'd rather make his father look good than have my son think someone didn't want him.

thin_air
by on Nov. 25, 2013 at 7:47 AM
This...and is time to explain our children the new ways families are related and itself determined. I am a happy divorced mom from a passive aggresive male...he is present on my kids life but truly I explained to them who love you can be your family..like animals they depend each other in groups to suvive.


Quoting Saurusmom8:

And I. Agree.. family is not. Defined by relation, its defined by the feeling of belonging and love. A group of people who love, protect and help each other.



I have non relatives who very much my sisters. :)

Proud-young-mom
by on Nov. 25, 2013 at 8:35 AM
I appericate all the answers. I do agree family someone who loves and cares about you. However a good friend loves and cares about you also. Imo, family is someone you are related too.
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