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Who contacts who?

Posted by on Nov. 24, 2013 at 12:23 AM
  • 12 Replies

 **NOTE** If you have NO relationship with your kid(s) dad(s), then this post DOES NOT include you.

Now with that being said, I don't have one with my daughter's dad. He's not someone that I call up whenever and have DD talk to him. Back in August, I told hom via Facebook, that I didn't think he was that great of a parent. He acknowledged that he wasn't. Hasn't done much to change that.

Anyway, I went back through my phone to see when the last time was that he called DD. The last call they had was 10/20/13 on Facetime. He called because I'm guessing he had his son with him. He hasn't called since and it's been a month. I'm not upset about it but I'm wondering if I'm the wrong one because I don't call him for her anymore. I really don't feel like that's my responsibility. I've already told him how I felt about him and he admitted to not being a very good parent so it's not like he doesn't know. Personally, I just don't have time to be chasing him to force him to be an active parent. It is what it is. If he keeps this up, then DD will form her own opinion but I just have too much going on right now to be worried about calling him.

How do you ladies do it? The ones who have ACTIVE phone numbers for their exes. Not trying to be rude but I really don't want to read stories about how you don't call your kid's dads because he left you for the slut that worked at Hooters and you haven't heard from in the 6+ months. No interest what so ever.

by on Nov. 24, 2013 at 12:23 AM
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Replies (1-10):
bluedeaj
by Deidre on Nov. 24, 2013 at 12:41 AM

"we" call him every night at bedtime for them to say goodnight to each other.  My daughter is 5 1/2 yrs old and we've recently separated/divorced.  He's a pretty decent dad and this is working for us.  On the days that they skype (once or twice a week) we don't do the bedtime phone call.  Sometimes if he has something going on, he will call before he's set to do that (be it work or whatever) to say hi, if he can't talk at bedtime.

grneyedormom
by Kendra on Nov. 24, 2013 at 2:08 AM
My daughter has her own phone, so she communicates with him on her/their own. I mostly text or email him when I need to talk to him or vice versa.
bjane01
by Member on Nov. 24, 2013 at 8:10 AM
1 mom liked this
My boy's dad was less active in their lives but a decent father and we got along. I have to say that I did make efforts to get him to see his sons. I did it more for my boys then anything else. I called when he didn't and make arrangement when he didn't. I looked at it this way...I wanted my boys to feel loved by both parents. If I had to make more of the effort then I did not care because it was them that mattered. They are adults now and to this day they don't know how much of an effort I made. (Or I think they don't know). They love and respect their father. They never mention feeling neglected by him. That to me is more important then who contacted whom.
MrsTKing
by on Nov. 24, 2013 at 7:10 PM

Me and my ex have numbers for each other but he doesnt bother ringing or texting us to find out how she is. she's 4 and he is meant to have contact when he can be bothered to turn up. You need to make the effort too at least then if it fails you can say to her when she is older that you did everything to keep her daddy in contact with her and it was daddys fault. If you do nothing you'll just be as bad...I have tried everything with my ex we split 3 years ago and its now to the point he's contacted his lawyer telling them to tell me to not contact him as he's pissed off he'll speak to her at contact. I can honestly say i've tried for her. Do the same and show your the bigger person. If it helps set one night a week for a phone call like thursday 5pm that you'll call him for ten minutes for him to talk...try for her sakes she needs to learn that mummy did everything he did nothing. please for your childs sake x

MeeshMom
by Platinum Member on Nov. 25, 2013 at 1:41 AM

 My sons dad contacts me when he is available to visit. Lately he waits to the last minute and claims his boss gives him his schedule on fridays so he doesnt know his weekend schedule till then. I raise my son full time and I dont think it is my job to call bd and get him to set up visitation. He doesnt call to talk to my son either. He just texts me when its convenient for him.

last weekend he said sorry I was in a tattoo contest and had some other stuff going on can I see ---- this weekend? Uh please. Where is he getting money for new tattoos anyway. (I saw on fb he got a new one and my CS has been coming short lately). This is a guy who claims to be broke. He also had his car in the shop last weekend. His car has been in the shop lots of times. Funny aint it. So with that said the ball is in his court. My son doesnt care to see him much anyway.

proudmother5946
by Member on Nov. 25, 2013 at 3:12 AM
I used to encourage my dd (14) to call her dad. I've tried to "facilitate" their relationship for over 4 years now. He hasn't called her now in 4 months. She feels that hes the adult, he should call her. He gave her a lecture on their last conversation and he hasn't called her since.
He told his mother that he's going to call her at Christmas and on her birthday.
I sent him an email asking why he won't call her. No response. His mother told him that he needed to call her. He told her that he isn't going to.

Nisha929
by Bronze Member on Nov. 25, 2013 at 8:09 AM

I agree with this but after so much trying, you get fed up. I know because I've been there. My kids are 8 and 13 now and I stopped trying a few years ago. He's the adult and he should be contacting them. He wasn't doing that so I said fuck it. He doesn't call them and I don't bother letting them call him. Besides they don't even ask about him anymore. 

I understand doing everything you can so that your child(ren) know that you tried BUT why continue subjecting the kids to the hurt that comes along with daddy not giving a damn? That's not what I want for my kids which is why I put a stop to what was going on.    

Quoting MrsTKing:

Me and my ex have numbers for each other but he doesnt bother ringing or texting us to find out how she is. she's 4 and he is meant to have contact when he can be bothered to turn up. You need to make the effort too at least then if it fails you can say to her when she is older that you did everything to keep her daddy in contact with her and it was daddys fault. If you do nothing you'll just be as bad...I have tried everything with my ex we split 3 years ago and its now to the point he's contacted his lawyer telling them to tell me to not contact him as he's pissed off he'll speak to her at contact. I can honestly say i've tried for her. Do the same and show your the bigger person. If it helps set one night a week for a phone call like thursday 5pm that you'll call him for ten minutes for him to talk...try for her sakes she needs to learn that mummy did everything he did nothing. please for your childs sake x

 

Callaly
by Jessica on Nov. 25, 2013 at 8:12 AM
1 mom liked this

I do it because I want my daughter to have a father in her life, I bite my tongue even if he pisses me off because its not about our relationship and what went wrong.. its about how is being an active part of our daughters life. I never thought that he would be a good single parent.. he proved me wrong, but I needed to give him that chance in doing so... Men are kind of like "out of sight out of mind" so maybe just decide weather you want her to have a dad (not a bf of yours acting like a dad) But a REAL bio dad, and tell yourself a time spand that you are willing to give your ex to make a difference. Once you do that, email him and tell him why you are doing it and that if you don't see a change in him towards your LO then you don't want him in her life at all because then thats just confusing. 

Hope everything works out!  

mrsary
by Silver Member on Nov. 25, 2013 at 8:16 AM
I used to contact him, but I stopped. He would use it to maintain control over us. Now he calls about once a month and says he will come see them, but never does.
steviechick
by on Nov. 25, 2013 at 10:05 AM

My ex had the means to contact our daughter via her own cell phone.  He started to be verbally cruel to her.  I put a stop to it by blocking his number because he decided to be a total a-hole.  He knows where she works part-time but has decided to ignore her fully.  It's his decision to BE a father.   He has decided not to.  I won't interfere unless he goes overboard.  I won't and can't allow my daughter to be abused by my ex.

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