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Posted by on Nov. 24, 2013 at 4:50 AM
  • 10 Replies

Hi to you all-

I am a single mother(have a MSW-currently unemployed)  of two girls, ages 10 and 12.  Its really lonely for me lately being a single mom.  My ex seems to be doing great, has a new wife, both have great jobs, a nice home, all the material things and are always doing things(not with the kids much- we have part custody).  Anyway, I am feeling so lonely and depressed.  I am currently out of work, am a social worker and am looking for a job but just am in a rut.  I feel like I have no one, its so overwelming I had  to hire a teenager to help out with things and even grocery shop for me.  I feel like I cant even function without help, dont know why but I wish I could be independent and just do all the things other people have no problem doing.  I get afraid, feel sad and like I just cant do all this.  I constantly compare myself to others- ex as one and feel like a loser.  What is wrong with me?  My girls are great, want to be with me when at dads a lot and I just feel like I have nothing to offer them as their dad seems to have it all.  They look to me to be the real mom, do it all- I do as their dad and step mom ignore them and let them do whatever they want but its a lot of pressure and I feel so lonely/needy, not up to it and tired.  Maybe some of you can relate??? its embarassing feeling this way but I do, I hope I am not the only one.  Any advice???  I keep pushing myself to do it, do most of the time but I am not the same old confident person I used to be and to rely on others is so strange for me.


by on Nov. 24, 2013 at 4:50 AM
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by on Nov. 24, 2013 at 6:29 AM
Hang in there girl. It sounds like you might have a case of depression. Im in my own rut right now so i can relate to the same feelings. It feels like everyone is doing better than you are but it reality it sounds like you are really being a good mom. Times are just tough right now. Dont giveup
by on Nov. 24, 2013 at 8:32 AM
3 moms liked this
This is just one time period in your life that will not last forever. I think we have all been there. Also the quickest way to depression is when we constantly compare ourselves to others. You will always find someone that "appears" to be doing better than you. I recall my single sister in law telling me how envious she was of my marriage and saying it looked so perfect and it was what she wanted for herself. She did not know how deeply painful being married to her brother was for me. He was loving to me in front of his family, not so much when we were alone, though. You really do not know your ex's struggles and he surely has them.

There is great value in your life. I suggest you make a list of all the wonderful things you have to be thankful for (it is thanksgiving week). Focus on your list rather than what your ex or other people seem to have. Make a plan for your future and set some goals. Work on some self care activity. Do things for yourself when you can to boost your joy with living. Enjoy your daughter! They will be grown someday. 10 years from now you will miss them being kids!

by Silver Member on Nov. 24, 2013 at 9:54 AM
Your girls are old enough to help out with the groceries and other house work. You will not be jobless forever just keep searching. Be strong for your daughters and it's time to stop worrying about what tigers have and go get your own. As for the lonely part, start dating!
by on Nov. 24, 2013 at 12:39 PM
You do sound depressed, most of us get like that sometimes. Try to make yourself get up, get dressed and ready in the morning. That usually helps me feel better even when it's the last thing I wanna do. If you have insurance I'd try therapy :) good luck
by on Nov. 24, 2013 at 7:21 PM
Hi. I know how you feel and believe me you stay focused on your kids it will be ok. I'm a single mom of three kids ages 7 5 &4. My ex left when they were 4 2 & 1. He has a live in gf. And I know it seems like a mess but call me at 631 235 4961. And we can talk. My name is melanie.
by on Nov. 24, 2013 at 7:25 PM
Also. I went through the worst hell of this court system and I do a lot for my kids. I went through a lot. Now I took a stress leave from my job and recovering. You can count on me to help u. And you ready helped me bc I feel so isolated and alone and reading your story made me feel less isolated.
by on Nov. 24, 2013 at 8:58 PM
I go through brief times like this. I force myself to do it and I usually feel better once I do.

Its not a competition. Your daughters will grow strong by watching mom grow each day.. Our kids don't need "stuff" and perfect performers..they need real parents who get up everyday IN the struggle.. they need to see us growing.. You are doing just that.

Your daughters will see through the facades and be strong and independent because of you.

You may have a slight depression.. its normal with divorce.. the process of divorce is the same as death .. I know this. Be so good to yourself. :)
by on Nov. 25, 2013 at 1:41 AM
i feel same way will pass.
by Bronze Member on Nov. 25, 2013 at 6:52 AM
Ex do he pay child support? You may need to see a therapist. Its not embarrassing to feel this way You have to regain your confidence. Try to think postive, dont feel like a failure, life aint over yet. Just keep looking for some type of employment, even if its not social worker. Than you will meet postive people, maybe your future husband. Than you will look back on the time you felt hopeless, and smile , you made it through.
by Group Admin on Nov. 25, 2013 at 11:14 AM
It sounds like you're depressed. You may want to try to counseling to help you deal with everything.
With that said it sounds like you're in a rut right now and are struggling. Remember this will pass and things will get better.
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