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Dating dilemma

Posted by on Nov. 26, 2013 at 9:20 AM
  • 18 Replies

Not that I need to add more complexity to my life, I have a situation that I'm not sure how to proceed. Before I was married, I only had one goal in mind ... to get married. So, when I found a man I would go exclusive pretty immediately and I'd be in it for at least 3 years.

Now I don't have that goal in mind. I just want to enjoy my life and if a man is able to fit into my life great!

So, now I'm going on my third date with one guy and I have a second date planned with another guy. The one that I've been on a couple dates already (let's call him M) seems like we are moving towards a relationship to be built. The other guy (calling him A) is interesting, but I'm not as attracted to him though I have a good time with him. I feel like I might be stringing A along because I'm not really into him as much as M and there's a very good chance that the next date would be the last. Should I even bother having the date?

I don't have regular dates with M, more time than I would on a date each time let's just say. A. I can only tolerate for 2 hours at a time max.

But at the same time, I don't want to go completely exclusive after knowing M for 1 month. I really am attracted to him and I like him a lot, but I want to pace myself.

I'm so confused.

by on Nov. 26, 2013 at 9:20 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Callaly
by Jessica on Nov. 26, 2013 at 9:27 AM

 I think that you should just go with the flow of things. I always tending to over think while dating and I always set myself up for disapointment.

Also.. a Month is a pretty normal time to start questioning where it may go... I would talk to M next time you see him and see where he stands, if he is seeing other people or if he wants to continue seeing other people.

mamalena137
by Bronze Member on Nov. 26, 2013 at 11:54 AM

I agree, don't stress out about this. Enjoy yourself, if you're not feeling A maybe just let him down easy and say you only want to be friends. If you can only tolerate him for 2 hours max, that's not a good sign.

Frances0923
by Bronze Member on Nov. 26, 2013 at 12:46 PM
Your confusing me. Your not looking for a husband anymore so y go exclusive at all. You can date M for another 3 months and just be considered friends. As for A if you don't want to string him along then just let him be and find some one else to replace him lol your single and dating. It all about choices!
amber3902
by Member on Nov. 26, 2013 at 1:46 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with Frances, you only are exclusive when both of you say you are.  Who knows?  M may be dating other people as well.

Take it one day at a time and enjoy your freedom.

Quoting Frances0923:

Your confusing me. Your not looking for a husband anymore so y go exclusive at all. You can date M for another 3 months and just be considered friends. As for A if you don't want to string him along then just let him be and find some one else to replace him lol your single and dating. It all about choices!


zumbanerd
by Bronze Member on Nov. 26, 2013 at 1:53 PM

It's good to be exclusive when it comes to sexual relationships. I much prefer having one partner than multiple partners. It's just the way I am. I just don't want to do so as quickly as I used to before I got married.

You are right about A. I should let him know. I just feel bad that I couldn't have that connection/attraction to him because he seems like a really nice person.


Quoting Frances0923:

Your confusing me. Your not looking for a husband anymore so y go exclusive at all. You can date M for another 3 months and just be considered friends. As for A if you don't want to string him along then just let him be and find some one else to replace him lol your single and dating. It all about choices!



zumbanerd
by Bronze Member on Nov. 26, 2013 at 1:58 PM

I guess it's possible, but I find it highly unlikely. He seems more serious to me than I'm being for him. And then I start feeling maybe I shouldn't try to be dating someone else. How would he feel if he found out that I'm dating others? Do I like the idea of him dating others (not really digging on that ... and I know that it's wrong for me to date others if I don't want the other person to date others). I'm just utterly confused. One moment I want to run away from both of them, but I really am quite attracted to M. and that keeps me in my predictament.


Quoting amber3902:

I agree with Frances, you only are exclusive when both of you say you are.  Who knows?  M may be dating other people as well.

Take it one day at a time and enjoy your freedom.

Quoting Frances0923:

Your confusing me. Your not looking for a husband anymore so y go exclusive at all. You can date M for another 3 months and just be considered friends. As for A if you don't want to string him along then just let him be and find some one else to replace him lol your single and dating. It all about choices!




zumbanerd
by Bronze Member on Nov. 26, 2013 at 2:03 PM

FYI - I'm just venting my feelings that I have here. I'm just trying to sort myself out because I don't really know what it is that I'm looking for. I just feel like I'm missing something in my life, but at the same time I don't want to be cornered into anything where I feel boxed in. I love my independence and I love my life since I've gone out on my own. I just need to sort this whole thing out because I don't want to hurt anyone.

steviechick
by Gold Member on Nov. 26, 2013 at 2:37 PM
1 mom liked this

Having mixed feelings for two different guys is hard.  I've been in your same predicament before.  I dated one guy and an ex bf that liked me years ago came back into my life.  I've never been really into him enough to want to kiss him.  We just held hands and hugged each other.  He wanted more (sex) and I didn't.  I was 15-16 at the time.  Sex was somethat that I wanted to wait to do when I was older and more mature.  His hormones were racing back then.  Then we met up again when we were both 21.  I was dating my ex at the time and I still didn't have feelings for this guy.  He wanted me to dump by current bf and start seeing him.  He still had feelings for me.  He even said he loved me.  I had to sadly tell him that I only wanted to be his friend.  He took it to heart and never spoke to me again.  I guess I hurt him again without even hurting him on purpose.  To this day, I have no idea what happened to him.  He's not on FB nor has anyone else heard from him.  I've been wanting to look  him up to see what he's been doing all of these years.  He's always had a big place in my heart. 

winedrinker
by Member on Nov. 27, 2013 at 7:03 AM
Id probably stop seeing A . I'm not saying smother M . What's the point in dating the other guy when you really don't care for him
zumbanerd
by Bronze Member on Nov. 27, 2013 at 7:13 AM

If I hadn't met M. then having the second date with A. wouldn't be causing me any concerns. It's only a second date so it's not really like I'm that deep into anything with him. I'll probably keep my date with him this weekend and then get it understood that we can be friends and not more than that.


Quoting winedrinker:

Id probably stop seeing A . I'm not saying smother M . What's the point in dating the other guy when you really don't care for him



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