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Newly single, working mom of two - overwhelmed

Posted by on Dec. 22, 2013 at 9:28 PM
  • 32 Replies
Hi everyone, I'm not sure if I'm here looking for support, sympathy, someone to tell me to sack up or just good advice, but I know I'm here and don't have anywhere else to turn. Here's what is going on:

I'm 32. I have two boys - a healthy, beautiful 5 year old and a healthy, beautiful 1 year old. Both constantly need me attention. The 5 year old is nonstop and I love him so much, but he just never simmers down. It's so exhausting. My 1 year old is in constant motion. He wakes up crying, goes to bed crying, and is so, so attached to me that he cries when I put him down. The boys play well together - for 10 minutes at a time, before someone is whining, crying, injured, my cell phone is in the toilet or there's the sound of something falling from a room away.

My idiot mentally/verbally abusive borderline addict assface husband of 15 years left us 6 months ago, only sees the kids for an hour a week, is not here for help, doesn't work and is going to desert his children who miss him and are already struggling with heart-breaking abandonment issues when he finds out I'm filing for divorce after the holidays.

I own my own company. I make a normal income, but am supporting a family of four until the divorce is underway and finalized because according to the judge, I have to pay him spousal support because he's not working. He will be ordered to pay it too, but he won't because he's an assface.

I work 60 hours a week and am still behind. My kids are in daycare/preschool. They both wake up several times a night. Ive averaged 4-5 hours of broken sleep for over a year now.

I have no family or friends to help, no money to pay a sitter, every minute of every day is taken with responsibilities, even slight screw ups like waking up a bit late or dinner flopping and having to find something else throws everything off because there's no wiggle room ever, and... I am overwhelmed.

Again, I'm not sure what I'm here looking for, but I think I could benefit from just talking about it all, hearing other stories/advice/opinions. I appreciate anyone taking the time to comment.
by on Dec. 22, 2013 at 9:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jesssanate
by on Dec. 22, 2013 at 9:30 PM
2 moms liked this
Not a single mom, but props. Keep soing what you're doing and don't be ashamed to ask for help!
mama0812
by Member on Dec. 22, 2013 at 9:41 PM
Thank you, jessanate.

I think I'm just feeling sorry for myself tonight for some reason. I've read that grief/depression is a normal phase of divorce, so maybe that's what it is. I'm a lot stronger than this and I'm furious with myself for feeling so sad and full of anxiety right now.

I'll be happy to hear if any moms out there have gone through anything similar and how they have found their way through it.

I appreciate the kind words
Halobetasol
by on Dec. 22, 2013 at 10:07 PM
2 moms liked this

just pray about it. i wish i could relieve you.  continue to work hard and keep your children your number one focus. you can do this. yes its hard and soooo much work but, in the end you will see that it was worth all the pain and strain.clapping

TurtleDoveLove
by Member on Dec. 22, 2013 at 11:04 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting mama0812: Thank you, jessanate.

I think I'm just feeling sorry for myself tonight for some reason. I've read that grief/depression is a normal phase of divorce, so maybe that's what it is. I'm a lot stronger than this and I'm furious with myself for feeling so sad and full of anxiety right now.

I'll be happy to hear if any moms out there have gone through anything similar and how they have found their way through it.

I appreciate the kind words

I was feeling the same way today.  I am also newly single mother of one , a beautiful healthy 9 month old .  I am also alone with no friends and my family is 3000 miles away.  I understand what you are going through and it is very very hard.  People tell me not to worry because it will get better and it can be worse is what I hear all day.  I know that wont make you feel better because it doesn't make me feel anything.  I just try to get as much joy from my baby girl as much as I can.  She is a blessing and I am so blessed and thankful to have her.  I guess we just think about what's going good in our lives and try our hardest not to think about the bad we will feel better.  


I wish I had better advise, but I am too newly single and I am trying to adjust to this all..It's painful.  

Fairycharms
by New Member on Dec. 22, 2013 at 11:38 PM
2 moms liked this

Stay positive and strong for your kids.   I recently went thru a divorce this year and have 4 kids and run my own business.  Everytime I think a negative thought -  I look at a picture of the kids and make positive choices for them .    Hang in there!  

superdivamom727
by Bronze Member on Dec. 23, 2013 at 12:05 AM
5 moms liked this

WHEN WE LOOK UP THE DEFINITION OF SUPER-MOM .... WE SEE YOUR PICTURE !!!

I know your tired and overwhelmed !!! but just know you are blessed to have a job to care for your family even though you can definitely use extra hours of sleep !!!! I HOPE your ex  could step up to the plate so you can have some personal time for yourself to recharge soon !!! all your hard will pay off in the end !!!

 

hugsyou rock

chesswoman
by Member on Dec. 23, 2013 at 12:48 AM
1 mom liked this
Hey there. This is rough. My ex pays child support and we have 50/50 shared joint custody and his support is based on that but he lives across the country and I will have them 75 % of the year to 100%.

I have a degree and am on some assistance programs. I am working at Walmart for low wages as an educated person for now. I am trying to get into a free nursing program. This is all very overwhelming and unfair. It will feel for a time like there are not enough hours in the day! Some days I am very furious about his immaturity. I can really relate. My kids are both the same ages as yours pretty much. It is very hard.

Look to see if your state offers subsidized childcare for now. I stayed home for 10 yrs. Being a displaced homemaker is awful. You feel more hurt than the home wrecker! Men's income increases a lot and the displaced one decreases dramatically. This is very stressful. Without childcare assistance I would not be making any money at all at my job.

I will pray for us both!
sid1083
by Silver Member on Dec. 23, 2013 at 1:18 AM
1 mom liked this
Some days are certainly harder than others. Perhaps one help would be to keep something quick on hand…as the days get away from me, some nights it's just easier (mentally and physically) to just toss something in the micro or serve cold cereal and hope tomorrow is a better day.

I've been raising my kids, now 2 & 4, physically by myself for the past 3 years. There will be days. But then there will also be the days that when you do have a couple minutes to get her yourself you think "I got this".
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plprincess78
by Member on Dec. 23, 2013 at 7:22 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm also a single mom of 2...ages 9 and 6, work full-time, and go to school.  So I understand why your overwhelmed.  Have you talked to a Pediatrician about their not sleeping?  When they wake up do they go right back to sleep or do they expect to get up and get a drink or play?  It may be they are just waking up out of habit and its time to change that so that you are all getting sleep.

amber3902
by Member on Dec. 23, 2013 at 9:06 AM
2 moms liked this

*Hugs*  Sorry you are feeling overwhelmed.  At one point I worked full time and went to school part time while taking care of two daughters by myself.  It wasn't easy and I'm so glad I'm finished with my degree now.

Look on meetup.com for mom groups.  Find other moms in your area who would be willing to take turns watching the kids with you, one time you take them, next time they take them.

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