I'm 32. I have two boys - a healthy, beautiful 5 year old and a healthy, beautiful 1 year old. Both constantly need me attention. The 5 year old is nonstop and I love him so much, but he just never simmers down. It's so exhausting. My 1 year old is in constant motion. He wakes up crying, goes to bed crying, and is so, so attached to me that he cries when I put him down. The boys play well together - for 10 minutes at a time, before someone is whining, crying, injured, my cell phone is in the toilet or there's the sound of something falling from a room away.
My idiot mentally/verbally abusive borderline addict assface husband of 15 years left us 6 months ago, only sees the kids for an hour a week, is not here for help, doesn't work and is going to desert his children who miss him and are already struggling with heart-breaking abandonment issues when he finds out I'm filing for divorce after the holidays.
I own my own company. I make a normal income, but am supporting a family of four until the divorce is underway and finalized because according to the judge, I have to pay him spousal support because he's not working. He will be ordered to pay it too, but he won't because he's an assface.
I work 60 hours a week and am still behind. My kids are in daycare/preschool. They both wake up several times a night. Ive averaged 4-5 hours of broken sleep for over a year now.
I have no family or friends to help, no money to pay a sitter, every minute of every day is taken with responsibilities, even slight screw ups like waking up a bit late or dinner flopping and having to find something else throws everything off because there's no wiggle room ever, and... I am overwhelmed.
Again, I'm not sure what I'm here looking for, but I think I could benefit from just talking about it all, hearing other stories/advice/opinions. I appreciate anyone taking the time to comment.