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can you have both?

Posted by on Dec. 23, 2013 at 10:28 AM
  • 10 Replies
I met a nice man who is looking for everything I am and treats me the way I want to be treated, but I dont know if I am physically that attracted to him. I will go out with him one more time to see. He's great in every way, but I am used to dating men who are nice and I am super attracted to and the chemistry is intense, but they just usually want to date and see each other, but there is no solid commitment. I did date a Canadian man for a long time and we wasn't my type physically, but the chemistry was so intense. Can you have anice man and great chemistry too. Any advice since I usually meet a nice guy, but the chemistry is not great, but the men who I am attracted to just want to have fun.
by on Dec. 23, 2013 at 10:28 AM
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Replies (1-10):
cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Dec. 23, 2013 at 10:43 AM
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I think you can have both. I say give it a couple more dates and if there's nothing then consider ending it.
moosesmom
by Silver Member on Dec. 23, 2013 at 12:15 PM
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**PLEASE don't take this the wrong way** Lol, I feel like a disclaimer is needed right here.

You said you're meet in nice guys but the chemistry is off. You meet attractive men, the PHYSICAL attraction is there but they have nothing more to offer than a good time right? Have you ever thought of yourself as superficial? From what you just wrote it seems that when you date men, you're more focused on beauty, which is only "skin deep", rather than what that person has to offer intellectually and emotionally. You're picking men that are liabilities rather than assets. That physical attraction you find with that nice looking man seems to only be temporary in your situation. If temporary is what you want then there's no need to change anything. But if you want quality and substance, step outside of your comfort zone.

Give this guy a chance. If you look beyond the surface you often find things of value.

**And I'm not saying you have to marry Quasimodo to be happy. We all want a nice looking man. Lol**
Pink.Sunshine.
by on Dec. 23, 2013 at 2:35 PM
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Trust me, you NEED to be physically attracted to your mate. You may be able to overlook it now, but trust me, eventually it will become an issue.

Oliviasmom72
by Bronze Member on Dec. 23, 2013 at 3:48 PM
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Chemistry is absolutely mandatory. You know if you have it or not. I have stopped dating lots of nice men with good jobs because there was no chemistry. There has to be a physical attraction. If it does not click by the next date then it is not there.

Heath77
by Bronze Member on Dec. 23, 2013 at 6:09 PM

I will see him again as he has everything i am looking for in a mate. he treats me exactly the way i want to be treated. He just dresses flashy and is skinny. I would say he is cute, but not my type physically. I think we have chemistry, but i am used to a certain look. I will give  it another go and see what i think. I am probably being too shallow as he is a good person. My ex was skinny and my ex was very nice in the beginning and the chemistry faded pretty quickly so I dont want that to end up happening again. I will see how things turn out.

Oliviasmom72
by Bronze Member on Dec. 24, 2013 at 3:13 PM
You are not shallow at all. I consider myself picky and a little shallow too. I admit it.
bluedeaj
by Deidre on Dec. 24, 2013 at 3:29 PM

I'm fairly confident you can have both.  But, I also find a LOT of different types of men attractive personally.  Go ahead and see what IS attractive about him, not necessarily what you normally are drawn to.  Look for something else, anything :)  It can help you see him in a sexier light.

Heath77
by Bronze Member on Dec. 24, 2013 at 5:44 PM
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Thanks. I dont want to settle and I know no one is perfect, but I dont want to end up in a passionless relationship like I was in for over 10 years. Its always been that way though. I met a guy this summer on a dating site and then he saw me two days ago on a dating site. He's cute, has a college degree and lives by me. We have similar professions and he's charming and hilarious. Only problem he wants to meet for sex next weekend. See the guys I like that are educated, cute and funny want sex. The nice guys who dont want sex and aren't cute want a relationship. Its been this way my whole life. My other friend has the same issue. My ex was nice at first but the chemistry waa not good and I was miserable for years and I want great sex and a great relationship. Maybe I should wait and see if its in my cards during this lifetime.

Quoting Oliviasmom72: You are not shallow at all. I consider myself picky and a little shallow too. I admit it.
Heath77
by Bronze Member on Dec. 24, 2013 at 5:46 PM
I sure hope you're right. I haven't found it yet and I am not getting any younger. I did have both once with the Canadian, but I knew we would never get married since we live in two different countries and his daughters were there and not in college yet and I have a son so I couldn't move there without my son.

Quoting bluedeaj:

I'm fairly confident you can have both.  But, I also find a LOT of different types of men attractive personally.  Go ahead and see what IS attractive about him, not necessarily what you normally are drawn to.  Look for something else, anything :)  It can help you see him in a sexier light.

Oliviasmom72
by Bronze Member on Dec. 24, 2013 at 9:05 PM

i dont understand it but I was totally smitted and attracted to a guy off and on for 2 years. Great sex but he was a cheater and a total cad. Since permanently ending it with him I have not been able to find a guy who I am attracted too and totally have chemistry with. Oh well. I  will not settle and will keep looking,

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