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He kicked me out... should the baby get his last name?

Posted by on Dec. 31, 2013 at 1:38 AM
  • 24 Replies

 

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Question: Whose last name?

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My last name

Babys dads last name


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Total Votes: 31

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So the shortest version of my story that I can give: I moved 3,000 miles away to try working things out with my ex after we found out I was pregnant. He decided a week before Thanksgiving that he no longer wanted to try working on our relationship, and told me I needed to move out of our house (technically the lease was in his name and not mine), so I did and moved 1,100 miles away which is where my closest friends/family are since I didn't know a single other person where we were living (and why the hell would I stay to build a new life from scratch in a place where the only person I knew was kicking me out at 5mos pregnant???)


I am really upset with him about breaking a huge promise to me over the weekend, and I just want some feedback..... I feel like I was JUST starting to get over the fact that he broke his promise that we'd try therapy before giving up on us (cuz he knew how badly I wanted the whole family idea thing to work)... and then he drops this other bomb on me over the weekend and I feel like I can no longer be the nice guy to bend over backwards and be willing to negotiate child support/visitation in his favor peacefully because I seem to keep getting the short end of the stick when I'm nice and give him the benefit of the doubt.


So with that being said, I'm seriously starting to question how much of a father he's going to be to this child... and I started asking myself if I should just plan on giving the baby my last name. Originally I was planning on giving the baby his last name... and then a friend pointed out the other day I'm going to have a headache when it comes time for school and anything "official" that I'll have to prove I'm his mom, etc.


In the end, BEST case scenario (*if* he even follows through on this promise) he'll fly here once a month to see the baby... do you think that warrants the baby getting his last name?

by on Dec. 31, 2013 at 1:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ProudMama011613
by Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 1:52 AM
I live in California so the laws may be different where you live, but I was not given a choice. I was dead set on my son having my last name. the father was not involved since the beggining, we were never married and he bailed while I was pregnant. He is a druggie, thief, in and out of prison all the time. ( I found out all of his lies right after discovering I was pregnant). I have evidence and documentation of all of these things and I showed them to the mediator. I said my son is growing up in my household with me, the father never sees him at all. I have sole physical custody, there is absolutely no reason for my son to have a different last name than me. The father told the mediator this one and only reason "I want my son to carry on another generation of (his last name) because he's my son"

So merely because the father showed ANY interest in fighting me on the issue, we had to hyphenate my son's last name even though I already named him on the birth certificate and social security three months prior with my last name. The father wasn't present at the birth either so none of his info was put down.

The courts tend to bend over backwards for the fathers if they show ANY interest whatsoever. It is sickening and scary. =/ Hopefully you might have better luck but I'm just letting you know it may not be your choice.
KRIZZ25
by Platinum Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 1:53 AM
i would get blood test saying he is his than yes put him on it
SarcasticMomma
by New Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 1:57 AM


Quoting ProudMama011613: The courts tend to bend over backwards for the fathers if they show ANY interest whatsoever. It is sickening and scary. =/ Hopefully you might have better luck but I'm just letting you know it may not be your choice.

Good point, I had no idea the courts get involved in the debate over the last name.

SarcasticMomma
by New Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 1:59 AM


Quoting KRIZZ25: i would get blood test saying he is his than yes put him on it

We already did a prenatal blood paternity test at his request because the father thinks every female is a whore that cheats lol (not kidding). And yeah, the baby is definitely his. I never had a reason to doubt otherwise.

conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 2:00 AM
My children have their father's name. I went back to maiden name when we divorced. Whether u have same name or not, you still have to prove you're mom. So many families now have mix of names (step children, bio children, wife kept maiden name, etc etc). I work in cust srvc and I never assume families all have same last name.
Oh and I have never had issue with dr offices or schools... they never "blinked an eye" over diff last names
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conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 2:01 AM
In most states, father can petition to have his child carry his name and judges will generally require hyphenated

Quoting ProudMama011613: I live in California so the laws may be different where you live, but I was not given a choice. I was dead set on my son having my last name. the father was not involved since the beggining, we were never married and he bailed while I was pregnant. He is a druggie, thief, in and out of prison all the time. ( I found out all of his lies right after discovering I was pregnant). I have evidence and documentation of all of these things and I showed them to the mediator. I said my son is growing up in my household with me, the father never sees him at all. I have sole physical custody, there is absolutely no reason for my son to have a different last name than me. The father told the mediator this one and only reason "I want my son to carry on another generation of (his last name) because he's my son"



So merely because the father showed ANY interest in fighting me on the issue, we had to hyphenate my son's last name even though I already named him on the birth certificate and social security three months prior with my last name. The father wasn't present at the birth either so none of his info was put down.



The courts tend to bend over backwards for the fathers if they show ANY interest whatsoever. It is sickening and scary. =/ Hopefully you might have better luck but I'm just letting you know it may not be your choice.
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LifeCafe42
by Nora on Dec. 31, 2013 at 9:15 AM
My sons last name is hyphenated and when all is said and done in court he will just have my last name. If you do decide to hyphenate put your last name first easier to drop the other
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DDDaysh
by Silver Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 12:51 PM
1 mom liked this

It may not be your choice. In some places you have to give the baby your last name.  In some places, the father will always allow the father to petition (and win) for his last name if he establishes paternity and child support.  In some places they prefer you hyphenate the names. 

At any rate, you're pregnant, hormonal, and hurting.  You don't have to make this decision right now, so try to put it out of your head. 

And I promise, having a different last name is NOT a big deal.  My son's last name is different from mine.  I've never once had to "prove" I was his mother.  When you register for school, you have to provide a birth certificate anyway and that birth certificate clearly lists the mothers name.  The WORST I have to worry about is occasionally being called Mrs. Son's Last Name, and I just laugh it off. 

mamalena137
by Bronze Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 1:16 PM

Check into the laws where you live. My son has my ex's last name. We've never had any problems with school or doctor's or what not with us having different last names. I live in NM and when my son was born his dad was there and on the birth certificate we put both names and he signed. Since we weren't married he had to fill out a form stating his paternity. I can't remember what it was, we were together at the time so I never thought to give him my last name.

tyfry7496
by Janet on Dec. 31, 2013 at 1:34 PM
This. My niece has her moms and our family names hyphenated and age goes by moms last name. Just make sure yours is first so you can just use that. It's 100% legal.

My son has my last name and there was no other choice.


Quoting LifeCafe42: My sons last name is hyphenated and when all is said and done in court he will just have my last name. If you do decide to hyphenate put your last name first easier to drop the other
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