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You're why he's not involved (vent)...edited

Posted by on Dec. 31, 2013 at 7:14 PM
  • 29 Replies

Long story short my ex has decided to no longer be involved in his dd's (we'll call her LK) life until she's an adult. Until recently I thought part of it was him being his usual stubborn self and not willing to compromise, but boy was I wrong. I reached out to the mom (we'll call her MN)  last year because I felt bad that our kids didn't know each other and wanted them to have a relationship. About six months or so after that my ex started talking to LK again (he's been in and out of her life since she was born). He sent money for summer camp, sent school clothes, and was going to go out there for Christmas. When he sent the clothes all MN said was "well don't get xyz any more because she doesn't like it" no thank you or anything else. When he said he was going to visit for Christmas with his mom MN flipped out saying horrible things about him and his family. MN gets the Chritsmas stuff and posts on FB "Clothes for Christmas. Wow", so what there's over $200 worth of clothes and there's toys. After everything MN said last week he's decided he can't do it any more. MN was even messaging me saying him and his family are "drug addicted, ghetto, prostitutes" and that her and her dd are so much better then everyone, but in the next sentence was complaining that his family doesn't even know her (MN). Meanwhile two months ago MN was saying how upset she was that no one is involved in her LK's life. He's really upset by this and has decided that he won't go through all this again. I truly hope when LK  is an adult he talks to her and explains the whole story because the mom is playing a helpless victim and is telling LK all these things (including that my son is the reason he's not there for her). MN's game playing and attitude are the reason no one is involved.

by on Dec. 31, 2013 at 7:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
weeping_angel
by Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 7:15 PM
Wow. Sounds like a mess!
cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 7:17 PM

 It is. I feel bad because it has a major impact on the relationship, or lack thereof, that the kids have.

Quoting weeping_angel: Wow. Sounds like a mess!

 

TurtleMami
by on Jan. 1, 2014 at 3:47 AM

Da fuk did I just read?

TurtleMami
by on Jan. 1, 2014 at 3:47 AM

You used too many pronouns.

cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Jan. 1, 2014 at 7:46 AM
1 mom liked this
Thank you for pointing that out. In your other comment you have some spelling and grammar errors

Quoting TurtleMami:

You used too many pronouns.

jkleinman
by Member on Jan. 1, 2014 at 7:51 AM
That poor girl.
SueSahara
by Member on Jan. 1, 2014 at 8:14 AM
2 moms liked this
so your ex? has decided that he doesn't want to be a part of his own dd's life because her mother is crazy well okay that sounds like a copout I don't care what the mother says or what she does that's his daughter and she will not understand when she gets older she'll call him a loser and a low life and say he abandoned her because she will spend the next however many years until she's an adult listening to her crazy ass mother bad talk the man who isnt there and hasn't tried to see her because it's easier not to.
happymommy1105
by Gold Member on Jan. 1, 2014 at 8:21 AM
What?

That is beyond confusing!
wendythewriter
by Bronze Member on Jan. 1, 2014 at 9:52 AM

I understand your point that she's being ungrateful and doing nothing to further his relationship with his child.

However, if he truly cared and wanted to be there for his child, he would be. He wouldn't let her mother's attitude, demands, or anything else she does or doesn't do, stand in the way. It's his choice to let the way she behaves keep him away, which makes him just as responsible for the lack of relationship. And if he's not willing to suck it up and deal with her so that he can have a relationship with his daughter, and show his daughter the truth about himself, then he can't get mad at the girl's mother for "making" the child hate him.

He has an equal opportunity here, and he has the ability to use the court system to ensure things are handled fairly and appropriately. He chooses not to, so he needs to bear the responsibility here, too. Not just her.

cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Jan. 1, 2014 at 10:54 AM
According to the mom it's "her dd" so he has no say. His thinking us he'll be called all those things anyway so why deal with it.

Quoting SueSahara: so your ex? has decided that he doesn't want to be a part of his own dd's life because her mother is crazy well okay that sounds like a copout I don't care what the mother says or what she does that's his daughter and she will not understand when she gets older she'll call him a loser and a low life and say he abandoned her because she will spend the next however many years until she's an adult listening to her crazy ass mother bad talk the man who isnt there and hasn't tried to see her because it's easier not to.
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