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No Daddy vs. Deadbeat Daddy

Posted by on Jan. 11, 2014 at 3:03 AM
  • 46 Replies

So just wondering how you ladies feel about the subject....From your experience ....Do you believe that maybe if your little one's father wasnt around at all it would be easier for your little one rather than him ''being around' and continiuously dissapointing them?........... My little girl's father has two other kids and come to find out ... he's been a deadbeat to them... in fact his younger one's mother has passed away and he doesn't have custody and does not pay child support.... He rarely calls ... rarely visits... and his oldest is not shy about talking about what a lousy father he is and how much he's let her down.........So I obviously can't expect anything greater for my daughter ... we've already started off very badly... he's been MIA for a couple months already and she's barely 4 months old...so ... what do you think? Is a deadbeat daddy better than no daddy ? or is no daddy better than a deadbeat daddy?

by on Jan. 11, 2014 at 3:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
texansmommy
by on Jan. 11, 2014 at 3:15 AM
3 moms liked this
Jmo...no daddy is better than dead-beat daddy. Dd2's BF is a complete fuck-up (which doesn't say much about me when I got with him). Thereis no way in Hell I would let him in her life.When she's old enough and starts asking questions...well, that's the ONLY reason why he is listed on her birth certificate. She can form her own opinions at that time. Anyways, young children need a stabile routine in order to function properly, and a truly dead-beat dad can't provide that.
ProudMama011613
by Member on Jan. 11, 2014 at 3:17 AM
1 mom liked this
I think no daddy is much healthier than a deadbeat that pops up every 6 months and sees his baby for one hour and then heads back to jail for another six months for drug and burglary charges. It's confusing for the child and a horrible example for the child to look up to. Is daddy going to show today? Is he going to bail on the visit again? Is daddy going to promise his son something else and then break it again? Meanwhile the child is learning about broken promises and unhealthy people when he should be worrying about whether batman and the hulk are going to team up today on tv. Like really a kid should just get to be a kid without constantly getting hurt and feeling adult emotions of true heartbreak.
TurtleDoveLove
by Member on Jan. 11, 2014 at 5:30 AM
1 mom liked this
No dad is better ! My mother and father were married when they had me but my father passed away when I was 2 so I never got that father daughter relationship I always yearned for but I wasn't feeling resentment either . It's like he died so I knew he didn't just leave me and I knew that he loved me very much. On the other hand, my child's father has been gone for months . He doesn't call or try to see her at all. She's only 9 months. This is both our first child and he has no excuse except his selfishness. I just don't want her to get hurt when she gets older if he try's to come in and out. That's why I'm like it's better to just leave and stay gone cause I won't let him hurt her like her hurt me
Baby5678
by Member on Jan. 11, 2014 at 5:46 AM
3 moms liked this

My daughters father hasn't seen her in a year. He skypes every few weeks with her and has been saying he's coming for the last few months. I'm glad shes too young to understand yet but it worries me for later. I think it would be better for her if he pretty much disappeared.

Ridingsolo
by Bronze Member on Jan. 11, 2014 at 6:22 AM
2 moms liked this

I firmly believe no father present is better than a deadbeat.

With no father present, children will look to other male role models more, and they won't feel the constant sense of rejection of someone popping in and out.  They won't have to spend their whole childhood wondering whether or not "daddy" is going to show up to a birthday, call, visit, etc., etc. 

I have done a lot of reading on the topic as well, and my degree is in developmental psychology, and from everything I studied, I really do think no father is better.

My son is 20 months, and his father would have been a deadbeat, so I agreed not to seek child support and he pretty much went on his way.  Didn't even put him on the birth certificate. 

I'd rather my son feel extremely loved by me and have an absent parent, then feel hurt by someone who would never want to live up to the responsibility of being a father.

snowhitchic
by on Jan. 11, 2014 at 6:22 AM
3 moms liked this
No daddy is better. i have the deadbeat dad..he is more worried about getting my pants then seeing her.
NicoleJudy
by on Jan. 11, 2014 at 6:27 AM
1 mom liked this

I say having no Dad is better.

My father was always disappointing us. Saying he would show up and never coming. Forgetting birthdays. Not sending money to help out etc. We only really saw him when he had a new girlfriend and wanted to impress her with his level of responsibility.. I have always said that I just wish he hadn't been in our lives at all. He let us down so many times. As it stands we haven't seen one another in 17 years. We sms sometimes but I doubt he could tell you my birthday or pick me out of a crowd.

snowhitchic
by on Jan. 11, 2014 at 6:36 AM
1 mom liked this
I had a crappy father too. to this day he tells everyone i am died. :-( now my daughter has a father who cant get her first name right.. but yet says he loves her..

Quoting NicoleJudy:

I say having no Dad is better.

My father was always disappointing us. Saying he would show up and never coming. Forgetting birthdays. Not sending money to help out etc. We only really saw him when he had a new girlfriend and wanted to impress her with his level of responsibility.. I have always said that I just wish he hadn't been in our lives at all. He let us down so many times. As it stands we haven't seen one another in 17 years. We sms sometimes but I doubt he could tell you my birthday or pick me out of a crowd.

jaevivid
by on Jan. 11, 2014 at 9:26 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Ridingsolo:

I firmly believe no father present is better than a deadbeat.

With no father present, children will look to other male role models more, and they won't feel the constant sense of rejection of someone popping in and out.  They won't have to spend their whole childhood wondering whether or not "daddy" is going to show up to a birthday, call, visit, etc., etc. 

I have done a lot of reading on the topic as well, and my degree is in developmental psychology, and from everything I studied, I really do think no father is better.

My son is 20 months, and his father would have been a deadbeat, so I agreed not to seek child support and he pretty much went on his way.  Didn't even put him on the birth certificate. 

I'd rather my son feel extremely loved by me and have an absent parent, then feel hurt by someone who would never want to live up to the responsibility of being a father.

Love everyone's response ... I kind of felt alone on this one ... They would tell me ... " It is her father" or "you can't change her father" or " she deserves to have her father" crap like that ..including some psychologists in my family telling me how important it is for her to know her father....so it's nice to know that even another psychologist agrees with me...and it coming from other moms ...  i feel as if I can move on and literally be happy with my little girl without him.. I have no problem with that:) Thank you ladies you gys are awesome :)

cjsmom1
by Platinum Member on Jan. 11, 2014 at 10:02 AM
1 mom liked this
I would prefer no father. Deadbeats only disappoint their kids and cause a lot of emotional harm.
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