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surrogacy

Posted by on Jan. 20, 2014 at 8:24 PM
  • 13 Replies
Are there any surrogate mothers out there? Was it hard for your older child to understand that you were having a baby but it wouldn't live with you? How do you feel about your experience? Was it hard to let go of the baby you had just delivered and give it up to another family? Do you Keep in touch with your surrogate baby at all? Does he or she know that you are their biological mom?
by on Jan. 20, 2014 at 8:24 PM
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krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jan. 20, 2014 at 8:33 PM
5 moms liked this

I was a surrogate five years ago, had the twins Dec 2009. It is probably one of the proudest moments of my life, right up there next to my own children. My friends who I met through being a surrogate had tried for 9 years to have a child and were never successful. They now have 4 year old twin boys who I carried for 36.5 weeks. They refer to me as auntie. I think of them as my nephews. Their parents are incredible, not all surrogacies work out as well as mine. The best story I can ever tell about them was when they were in preschool at 3 years old their teacher gave them each a cupcake and said "this is the day that we celebrate when you came out of your mommy's tummy." They said, "no we didn't comeout of mommy's tummy we came out of auntie's tummy."  I have not seen them in person since they were a 4 weeks old as we moved cross country. But I have spoken to them on the phone, they ask about my kids, my kids ask about them, we get pictures etc. Their mom has warned me that one day when they are adults they may just show up to give me a hug. 

For my kids, they knew going in that these twins weren't ours. They tried saying, "can we keep one and give the other one to them?" But I have 4 kids, my family is complete. They knew that. At the time they were 4, 7, 9 and 11.

ProudMama011613
by Member on Jan. 20, 2014 at 8:42 PM
Wow!! That is beautiful, thank you for your reply!

Quoting krisnkids:

I was a surrogate five years ago, had the twins Dec 2009. It is probably one of the proudest moments of my life, right up there next to my own children. My friends who I met through being a surrogate had tried for 9 years to have a child and were never successful. They now have 4 year old twin boys who I carried for 36.5 weeks. They refer to me as auntie. I think of them as my nephews. Their parents are incredible, not all surrogacies work out as well as mine. The best story I can ever tell about them was when they were in preschool at 3 years old their teacher gave them each a cupcake and said "this is the day that we celebrate when you came out of your mommy's tummy." They said, "no we didn't comeout of mommy's tummy we came out of auntie's tummy."  I have not seen them in person since they were a 4 weeks old as we moved cross country. But I have spoken to them on the phone, they ask about my kids, my kids ask about them, we get pictures etc. Their mom has warned me that one day when they are adults they may just show up to give me a hug. 

For my kids, they knew going in that these twins weren't ours. They tried saying, "can we keep one and give the other one to them?" But I have 4 kids, my family is complete. They knew that. At the time they were 4, 7, 9 and 11.

mskirk79
by on Jan. 20, 2014 at 9:34 PM

I just have to say how much I enjoyed reading your post.  That was a beautiful story.  Sounds like a beautiful experience.

lunyuny
by on Jan. 20, 2014 at 9:38 PM
This is such a touching story :) brought tears to my eyes. It is awesome you were able to bring such joy to a family.

Quoting krisnkids:

I was a surrogate five years ago, had the twins Dec 2009. It is probably one of the proudest moments of my life, right up there next to my own children. My friends who I met through being a surrogate had tried for 9 years to have a child and were never successful. They now have 4 year old twin boys who I carried for 36.5 weeks. They refer to me as auntie. I think of them as my nephews. Their parents are incredible, not all surrogacies work out as well as mine. The best story I can ever tell about them was when they were in preschool at 3 years old their teacher gave them each a cupcake and said "this is the day that we celebrate when you came out of your mommy's tummy." They said, "no we didn't comeout of mommy's tummy we came out of auntie's tummy."  I have not seen them in person since they were a 4 weeks old as we moved cross country. But I have spoken to them on the phone, they ask about my kids, my kids ask about them, we get pictures etc. Their mom has warned me that one day when they are adults they may just show up to give me a hug. 

For my kids, they knew going in that these twins weren't ours. They tried saying, "can we keep one and give the other one to them?" But I have 4 kids, my family is complete. They knew that. At the time they were 4, 7, 9 and 11.

MOM2BRUNETTES
by on Jan. 20, 2014 at 9:40 PM
1 mom liked this
Bump...

I'm a FIM (former intended mom) through surrogacy. My youngest is biologically related to my surrogate (traditional versus gestational). My DD will be three in July and we speak to our SURRO (referred to as aunt) several times a week and we vacation at least one week a year together. It's like extended family.

While my DD is too young to understand it now, I'm very open about it and will make sure she knows all about her biological ties to Stef as well as Stef's older (and younger) kids.
ProudMama011613
by Member on Jan. 20, 2014 at 9:58 PM
Thank you for your reply! Do all surrogates and intended parents keep communication open throughout the child's life?

Quoting MOM2BRUNETTES: Bump...



I'm a FIM (former intended mom) through surrogacy. My youngest is biologically related to my surrogate (traditional versus gestational). My DD will be three in July and we speak to our SURRO (referred to as aunt) several times a week and we vacation at least one week a year together. It's like extended family.



While my DD is too young to understand it now, I'm very open about it and will make sure she knows all about her biological ties to Stef as well as Stef's older (and younger) kids.
cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Jan. 20, 2014 at 10:20 PM

I think it's a pretty cool thing to do, but I don't know if I could do it. I don't think ds would handle it well since he's always asking for a sibling.

MOM2BRUNETTES
by on Jan. 21, 2014 at 7:38 AM
Not all, not do if they truly could've been friends outside of the situation itself. There are unwritten boundaries (like understanding each others' roles) that need to be intact for it to go smoothly.

There will be emotional times in the pregnancy and beyond that may make things difficult for a short period but it's only a short period. Are you on any fb surrogacy groups? There are plenty and LOTS of surrogates and intended parents that help each oter with support and questions.
unspecified42
by on Jan. 21, 2014 at 8:23 AM

I was a surrogate as well. I've got to run to work but I'll come back and reply this afternoon:)

krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jan. 21, 2014 at 8:37 AM
1 mom liked this

Not all surrogates keep contact with the parents. Some by choice, others by circumstance. I have heard some horror stories about nightmare surrogates and nightmare parents. We are all human and when you think about undertaking something so personal you really need to do your homework on who you will be working with. I don't know of any cafe mom groups but there are quite a few good ones if  you search online.

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