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Is it over?

Posted by on Jan. 21, 2014 at 3:41 PM
  • 8 Replies

So here is my story. 8 years ago i had just finished Chemo and Radiation for hodgkins lymphoma, i was working and trying to support my family. At the time the guy i am married to now was just my BF and we were living with his parents, well on this particular night i had to work and he got pissed off at me and said i dont want to spend the rest of my life with you, it cut me to the bone. Well i was so hurt and i know that is no excuse but i cheated on him that night (got pregnant) and he has raised my daughter as his own. My sister moved in with us back in August of 2013 and lived with us until Oct. 2013 From Sept til Dec my husband and I did not say two words to each other, he started going to the bar, meet some girl talked to her for a few days, so one sunday he was sleeping because he was hung over and i put a back up app on his phone that backed up all his txt messages to his email which i had acess to (yes i know it was wrong, but when i asked i got nothing) i found out that he was talking to a girl in a town 15 min away. He told her that he was leaving me after christmas. So i confronted him about it and he said that he was not talking to anyone. I did not tell him i was reading all the messages at this point. This was like the second week in december. he moved in with this girl and came home two days later crying the blues that he wanted to work things out this was Dec. 16 so i said ok. December 17 he started texting her apologizing for hurting her and bam they were talking again. December 20 was the first time they slept together and then again on the 22. i did not find out about all this til december 23. i sent her  a message asking her to leave him alone and then that is when i got the message from her that they had been sleeping together. i was hoping we could work things out, he said he was never going to talk to her again, but december 26 she texted he answered and said he felt like he was pushed back to her. "I am not saying I wouldn't mind another chance" does that sound pushed? He told me the reason he went back the first time was he felt that i was not working hard enough on the marriage, you didnt even give me a chance. He asked me to go to therapy for cheathing on him 8 years ago, but he will not go. He moved out after christmas stayed with her a week and was like i want to come home and work things out. I think the only reason he wanted to come home was the fact that i was not hurting, i was happy, and i was ok. He is back home and he is still talking to her and i told him last night as long as you talk to her there is NO way we can work things out, and he was like well if things don't work out between us i dont want to be lonely. I have given him several chances to apologize to me, but nothing. Oh and to top things off last week she found out she was prego but miscarried. He has no clue what he is doing to me and when i say something he is just like well you cheated on me so i cheated on you out of spite. But how can he say that when i had a one night stand and he is still with this girl telling her he loves her, well he says he is not in love with her and just says it so she does not fuss at him. And he thinks because he txt LV U, that it is not the same as love you. I dont know ladies, i am becoming bitter, i have no emotions what so ever and he is mad at me cause i will not tell him I Love him. If i dont feel it i am not going to say it.. Please help i need advice andything is better than nothing..

by on Jan. 21, 2014 at 3:41 PM
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Replies (1-8):
cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Jan. 21, 2014 at 6:02 PM
1 mom liked this

It sounds like you need to move out and get away from him. It sounds like he doesn't plan on stopping with the other woman and will continue to be with both of you as long as you allow it.

mamalena137
by Bronze Member on Jan. 21, 2014 at 6:36 PM
1 mom liked this

Sounds like you need to let go. He's not interested in working things out. What is he 5, "you did it so I'm going to do it too." No he likes having both of you and until one of you puts your foot down, he's going to keep things this way. I had a friend who was with a guy for over 10 years, they even had a kid together. He was married and the wife even knew about the affair. He went back and forth between them and since his wife "wouldn't give him a divorce" he didn't try to get one. Some guys and girls just can't stand the idea of being alone. Why are you telling her to leave him alone? It's like you're fine being second choice. I think you need to really look at your own happiness.

sid1083
by Silver Member on Jan. 21, 2014 at 7:24 PM
1 mom liked this

How long do you honestly think you can deal with the emotional fall-out of his weekly back & forths?

DreamLoveBlooms
by Member on Jan. 21, 2014 at 7:54 PM
1 mom liked this

It's time to end it. He obviously doesn't believe ya'll are gonna be able to work things out or he wouldn't have a back up plan like he does. And him using the excuse well u did it to me is pathetic. Be done with him so you can heal and find someone real.

ape939
by New Member on Jan. 21, 2014 at 9:36 PM

Thank you ladies! i know what i need to do, just got to do it now!

Chelsea_rh
by Member on Jan. 21, 2014 at 11:29 PM
1 mom liked this
Definitely time to get away from that mess
ape939
by New Member on Jan. 22, 2014 at 7:08 AM

oh and on New Years eve I knew all day that he was going out with her, he took her out on New years eve, stayed with her and came home and said i have this hoodie on cause i didnt want you to see the hicky on my neck. And of course when i try to tell him how i feel, he goes back to how do you think i feel about you cheating on me. I can not get him to understand that what i did was a one time thing, i dont have contact with the guy i cheated on he is not even in my daughters life, he bailed when i told him i was pregnant. So the other night my soon to be ex was like lets have another baby, what the hell do you think a baby is gonna do. i will be raising 3 kids on my own hell no. If he thinks a baby will help he is dead wrong. Yes ladies i am done with this crap, y'all are right i do deserve better and i am worthy of better!!  Screw his feelings, cause i can do this on my own. Thank y'all so much!!

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jan. 23, 2014 at 12:11 AM
1 mom liked this
He's moved on and using you as his comfort back up. Using your cheating years ago is a cheap move
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